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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the NHS was completely useless for this.

117 replies

cuckoonut · 12/08/2018 08:31

My daughter has severe depression and a potential diagnosis of BPD in January when she turns 18. Recently she's been in an extremely dark place. She's been in and out of inpatient units since she was 14 so we're kind of used to the process of what happens when she attempts to end her life. Two weeks ago she took an overdose, she was taken to a&e, checked over and had a mental health assessment. They deemed her fit to leave and sent her on her way. She has been given no extra support since then despite us asking multiple times. Last night she attempted again. She took 16 Paracetamol with half a bottle of wine and intended on taking another box if we hadn't have stopped her going out. She almost collapsed about 3 hours after and we put two and two together. We called the ambulance and they said they'd send somebody out within 2 hours and to call back if anything changed.

We sat up and waited with her for about 45 minutes when her breathing became very painful, and she said if she didn't force herself to breathe she thought she would stop altogether. She was struggling to stay awake. My DH called the ambulance again to tell them. They said 9 minutes and to hold for a clinician. When we were put through to the clinician she said, quote "from a medical stand point there's nothing wrong with her. She doesn't need to be seen" despite her not being able to breathe and taking an overdose just hours earlier. She kept insisting DD was fine and that she would cancel the ambulance. We asked to talk to somebody else and she kept refusing. We hung up and called again but they kept saying we had to speak to the lady. The ambulance arrived as she was saying she would cancel it. The paramedic checked DD over and said it was best if we went to A&E because of the dose and it was an attempt to end her life. Then her radio buzzed and they asked "why are you still there?" She called up the lady we had been on the phone to and they had a long conversation outside. She then came back and said it was unnecessary to come to the hospital and that DDs mental health team would be informed on Monday. DD has been up all night vomitting and wanting to hurt herself. They didn't even give her a mental health assessment like they're supposed to when somebody tries to commit suicide. She's a minor for God sake!!

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 12/08/2018 08:34

Why didn't you take her to A&E yourselves or phone a taxi if you don't have a car?

Eythora · 12/08/2018 08:36

Could you not take her to A and E yourselves? Clearly they were very short of ambulances at the time - often it's the quickest way to get there.

PotteringAlong · 12/08/2018 08:37

Do you have a number for the crisis team?

Dermymc · 12/08/2018 08:38

I agree you should have taken her. This isn't an ambulance situation.

She clearly needs specialist help. Mental illness is rife nowadays and the NHS is on its knees. There is no cure for BPD sadly. The NHS doesn't have a magic wand for it. It's highly likely that some kind of trauma in her early life predisposed her to BPD and this needs unpicking and she needs training in coping therapies to live a "normal" life.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 12/08/2018 08:39

How awful for you all. I hope she can get the help she needs. But I also don't understand why you waited so long rather than finding another way to get her to A&E?

glsgow107 · 12/08/2018 08:40

16 paracetamol and half a bottle of wine is a cry for help, not a suicide attempt. Hope you calm down and actually help her.

PurpleFlower1983 · 12/08/2018 08:43

Why didn’t you take her to A&E?

Gottokondo · 12/08/2018 08:44

16 paracetamol is not nearly enough for suicide (don't tell her that) although it can harm her physically. It sounds like they needed the ambulance for someone else that they deemed more in danger. They could have handled it better though and explained what the risks were and weren't. I also think that she urgently needs help for her mental health issues.

nervyuyt · 12/08/2018 08:45

I have to agree with the others tbh. This wasn't an ambulance situation. I realise things are tough, I really do, but if you think clearly about this when you are not in the midst of the here and now you will realise this.

Mental health services are lacking, but an ambulance won't fast track you to them.

Cynara · 12/08/2018 08:46

From the point of view of an ambulance service, this doesn't sound like a necessary 999 call. There is no treatment that could be started en route by the crew so the ambulance would be acting as a taxi. It's perfectly reasonable that you wanted her to be assessed, 8 grams of paracetamol is twice the daily dose for an adult, but there was no need for an ambulance to be involved.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 08:46

While I can understand it was hugely traumatic for you and it must be horribly difficult to watch your daughter struggle under circumstances like that, they’re right that it wasn’t an ambulance situation, and that she wasn’t in immediate danger.

Can you call the crisis team? Or get her to hospital yourself?

CherryPavlova · 12/08/2018 08:47

Get her to the GP and make sure she’s referred to mental health team. It’s not an ED situation, however worrying for you.

glintandglide · 12/08/2018 08:48

Sorry but I’m with the others, I don’t understand why you sat there all that time watching her rather than chuck her in the car?

Slartybartfast · 12/08/2018 08:50

presumably the op couldnt take her.

agree though you need some sort of crisis team, does she have a named cpn?

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 12/08/2018 08:51

Why didn’t you take her to A&E yourself? I don’t think this warranted an ambulance. I would also agree that amount of paracetamol is very unlikely to kill you (though theoretically it could) and I wouldn’t treat that as a suicide attempt requiring an ambulance, though does warrant a mental health professional response. Though I agree they shouldn’t have spoken like that, you didn’t have to wait for an ambulance if you were so concerned.

For context I’ve got a BPD diagnosis, spent my teen years from 13 in and out of in patient unis, and have attempted suicide a number of times, including once where an ambulance was called (different circumstances) so I am speaking from a place of knowledge here.

I’m so sorry you and your DD are struggling, it’s a bloody horrible way to live for you both and you must be at the end of your tether. Hopefully things improve soon. I am quite well now and living a happy, largely mentally healthy life. Do be wary of a BPD diagnosis though, there’s a big chunk of sexism that comes with it and it’s often an excuse to say ‘we can’t help you’. Most women given the diagnosis should actually be diagnosed with complex PTSD, autism or both (though I’m probably one of the few this doesn’t apply to)

Slartybartfast · 12/08/2018 08:51

is it time to head back to the in patient unit?

abbsisspartacus · 12/08/2018 08:52

Surely struggling to breathe is an ambulance situation?

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 08:52

presumably the op couldnt take her

An ambulance isn’t a taxi. I’m sorry to be blunt, and I do sympathise with OP, it must be a terribly difficult situation to deal with, but it doesn’t justify using ban emergency service as a taxi.

WineAndTiramisu · 12/08/2018 08:52

16 paracetamol and half a bottle of wine doesn't make you "near collapse" and feel like you're going to stop breathing.

This didn't need an ambulance, they're for immediately life threatening issues. I agree she needed A&E though, but you should've driven her there or got a taxi. An ambulance for that is a waste of NHS funds.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 12/08/2018 08:52

I agree with others that this was not an ambulance or a&e situation. If you were worried then you should have driven her to a&e yourself or called a taxi.
It sounds as though this was a cry for help rather than a serious overdose attempt. Have you got a number for the crisis team?

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 12/08/2018 08:52

In-patient units*

barleyfive · 12/08/2018 08:53

I agree with the others, it is understandable that the ambulance wasn't viewing this as a priority and could have got her there via other means. Do you have any contact details for the intervention team you can call from time as an inpatient? Being sectioned should really be a last resort, but there should be people within the community who can help; you sometimes just have to fight for it!

Starlings27 · 12/08/2018 08:53

I don't get the answers above. Paracetamol is very toxic in overdose - if she ingested it, it could do a lot of damage to her liver. Please take her to a&e or a walk in centre asap. The full effects don't show up until 24-72 hours later. 16 tablets might not be enough to cause liver failure but its best to get her checked out.

glintandglide · 12/08/2018 08:54

“Surely struggling to breathe is an ambulance situation?”

But she had been triaged by a consultant who got the details. You can have lots of reasons for struggling to breathe- a really common one is a panic attack which doesn’t need any medical attention

glintandglide · 12/08/2018 08:55

Starlings people are asking why she wasn’t taken to Hospital, not saying she shouldn’t be

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