To dislike my NCT group of mums?

[ticktocktoo]

I probably am but just wanted to find out what other people's experiences had been with their NCT classes.

I've just come back from my first one and was really disappointed in the people that attended- I usually pride myself on being a friendly and open person but I really, really struggled to 'bond' with some of the ladies in the group, even though I tried. They seemed really superficial and shallow and massively immature in what they had to say or how they said it. To top it off, 3 of the couples went to the same college and so they very quickly formed a cliquey group together. These 6 also came across as very competitive and tried to dominate the group discussions without letting the rest of us share our views too. We've got another session remaining and then we're done but I feel upset that we've missed out on making 'friends for life' despite paying so much for these classes. I was expecting other parents similar to us in age (mid 30s) to attend but these people seemed like they were on their early-mid 20s and so I feel like I have nothing in common with them apart from our EDD!

They've created a Whatsapp group for everyone to stay in touch but I really can't see myself sitting through any coffee mornings/get togethers with these women (the dads have got their own group).

Give them a chance but it's ok not to bond for life! My NCT lot are lovely and have kept each other going through some dark moments (literally in the night over WhatsApp ha) in the first year of parenthood. We see each other when we can. I think two of the mums are really close now but the rest of us do our own thing. It's nice to have but don't overthink it.

Don’t write them off yet. Even if they don’t become friends for life, it’s someone to go for coffee with /text for advice about colic during one of the most life changing times in your life. Sometimes that is enough. It’s like a temporary support system rather than bffs.

FWIW mine was pretty unsuccessful - lorded over by one particular Mum who followed a baby guru book and couldn’t relate to anyone who did anything different. Two other mums also copied this and became her acolytes. The other two ladies and me were more normal / a bit baffled by the strident ones so the group split in two. Unfortunately one of the normal mums then moved away, leaving only one I would positively want to spend time with. But by then i’d met other people and more or less adapted to motherhood.

I’m still glad I did it as it was a support system for a particular time in my life and I can’t see that I could have found it any other way in those very early days.

the other mums seemed okay but they were really quiet and seemed not to say much when asked anything
Give them a chance it’s only the first meeting. I’m very much like these women in that I like to observe people before I feel confident enough to talk to them. Small talk doesn’t come easily to me but once I get to know someone a bit more I’ll be more open. They might just be a bit socially awkward like me rather than uninterested.

I was clearly very lucky as I'm still very close friends with 2 women from my NCT group 20 years on! We didn't really bond until the 5/6th session when the men went to the pub and the women had a separate session on our own. It was a life saver for me as I didn't have any family around and no friends with children. We were all from quite different backgrounds and to start the only thing we had in common was our pregnancy and then babies but friendships take time to develop. The others drifted off as it became obvious that there wasn't any other bond but that still took several years. I feel very lucky to still have them as friends now

It is perfectly possible to be good friends with people who are far better off than yourself, the problem is normally with those who like to use these groups to network. They then decide you are of no further use to them

Why don’t you look at your local NCT bumps & baby group, try usually meet in a coffee shop, I know my local one is very friendly.

If you want to breastfeed, local breastfeeding groups are a great way to meet like minded mums.

I went to a group I paid for 6 weeks & after the second one half of them had gone to coffee & excluded half of us. A lot of them felt pushed out.
I moved away after the last session & I made friends/met mums through groups - music group, swimming & with my second made more friends at baby massage.

Some of us regularly go to quiz night & go for meals. We do play dates, message at all hours during long nights & it’s nice.

Just don’t go in for the whole friend’s for life thing. Those expectations are too high.

Maybe give it a chance. It’s totally random and you won’t all be automatic friends, but you may surprise yourself. I’m definitely ‘friends for life’ with two of our small group. The other two gradually retreated after mat leave which was fine. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but you have to try.

Also - you are likely to find that a lot of ‘mum groups’ aren’t your thing either despite a common interest. I hated those sorts of things. And I did yoga, buggy fit, signing, sensory - the works. Thank f-ck for Nct friends keeping me sane because I didn’t make any friends out of the rest of it!!

None of my NCT group became friends for life. Friends for five years at best then our differences outweighed the common factor of having a kid the same age.

Our group bonded well during the classes but the trouble started after the babies were born: competitive, cliquey and bitchy. Shame as I know others who had great successes with theirs.

I found the content of my NCT class OK, but couldn’t stand the others attending. Frankly, aside from the fact we’d had sex in the same couple of weeks, they weren’t my ‘tribe’ and we were not destined to get along. We dutifully went to all the meetings, and then the meet up afterwards (because we thought we should give it one more try), but stopped bothering after the latter given that after the event all I could think of was “that’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back then”.

I found friends at a local post partum group and playgroups specifically for the under ones. You may have better luck there.

I’d give it more than one session before writing them off.

Also agree with pp’s about looking for other baby groups - nct bumps and babies groups, breastfeeding support groups, local playgroups and baby groups, baby / toddler activity groups (yoga, music, etc etc).

There’s never any guarantee of making lifelong friends with any of these, but if you try them out you may find other mums you get on with better.