Was my MIL having a PA DIG at me or AIBU

[ORlyNow]

My husband isn't sure as he didn't hear the initial exchange and BIL who also didn't hear it thought she was just expressing genuine surprise.

Every time we take our 15 week old daughter to see the in-laws at theirs (every 2 to 4 weeks) she'll cry inconsolably the first one to three hours off and on after arriving despite our best efforts. I read this is fairly common with young babies even with family.

She cries with my husband and I as well during this intial period but more so with the extended family. Sometimes even if they just look at her she'll start crying. My MIL takes it VERY VERY personally even though it's not, it's normal, and she cries with everyone.

I gave my MIL a bottle to feed our crying daughter and she started drinking. I lightly touched my daughter's hand and back to crying. This is normal behaviour for her during this initial period, you just never know what will set her off again. That didn't bother me, other then wishing she felt better ofc.

What bothered me was the moment this occurred my MIL exclaimed in a loud shocked 'joking' tone "Mrs X!!!" "Mrs X!!!" "Mrs X!!!" You'd think I had just given my daughter a bottle of full sugar coke by her shocked tone. I just said something like "Ooops." And how upset she tends to be after we arrive there. Then when my husband and his brother turned around to see what the fuss was about my MIL said to them "She was Fiiiiiine then X touched her and she started screeeeaming." Then MIL repeated variations of that a few times, how fine my daughter was until her evil Mum touched her.

I walked out of the room because I was fucked off my husband didn't say anything to her. It's well known in the family that my MH went to shit after I gave birth and I struggled with thinking I was a bad Mum constantly and would often say it when I screwed up even little things. So I think it was insensitive for her to imply I was shit with my daughter.

I think she was actually happy I caused my daughter cry and she leapt at the chance to villainize me to make herself feel better about our daughter crying upon arrival every visit.

Was she being passive aggressive or am I just being sensitive?

"SIL wanted to have her overnight the next day" - oh really? They need to all calm down and let you just look after her in your own way. It sounds like a good idea that you're planning to reduce the trips.

It might be that with your friends you were relaxed, other people held the baby less or with you holding her in between each one etc, which had the effect of just toning everything down to a level she's comfortable with. Regardless, "she doesn't like the long car journeys" should be enough for now.

It is neglectful to leave a baby under 6 months to "cry it out".

Please stop pandering to your MIL.

Stay at home and care for your baby. Car seats for the period you are talking about in the car are not recommended any more.

Use this reason and stick to it.

I would not let anyone have my babies over night for aaaages! Your baby not theirs.

I’d be surprised if a car sick baby didn’t complain on the journey - I used to get car sick and it was awful!

My son is 6 months and reaches a bit of a limit. A long journey, lots of people, noise, unfamiliar surroundings can all get a bit too much, but it’s not a single factor that you can just avoid. So after a long journey on a noisy train last week he would just cry if anyone but me held him. My daughter enjoyed new things and people a lot more so I’ve come from the expectation that he’d be fine, so I don’t think it’s any nervousness on my part influencing him.

If she’s usually happy then I’d just cut out the stuff she can’t cope with for now.

Did she get passed around at your friends? I do find I assume friends don’t want to hold a grumpy baby so will take him back sooner but I know mil gets offended so I am probably less keen to jump in and that probably makes it worse. She does like to walk off with him at the first hint that I might want him back, though, which doesn’t help.

Only one of my friends held her, she's the one I'm closest to of the group and asked quietly when we were away from everyone. Our daughter seemed perfectly content with it. Other friends did touch her little hands and cheeks and she was fine with that as well.

SIL is actually lovely but has very little experience with babies, so even if she lived down the road it would be a no on an overnight stay. Especially at this young age.