Keep feeling guilty about putting my DS in nursery and childminder

[SlimmingMumOf1]

Our routine has completely changed now. My husband has got a new job and I am also working, plus I will be undertaking a part time qualification as part of my job role. My DS will be with my DH one day in the week when he is off work and I am at work, 2 days with me, 2 half days at nursery and then 2 full days at Childminder's. Whenever I am with him now, I feel so heartbroken that I am actually putting him in somebody else's care! He has been nursery before while I was studying and he absolutely loved it. I watched him before without him noticing me and I could see he was thoroughly enjoying himself so I don't know why I'm worrying! I think the main worry is that he will be alternating nursery and childminders and I am worried he won't adapt so easily. He is 2 in a few months time. I think I'm worrying too much! Do you think this is unfair! I need honest opinions please. X

Is there s reason you're doing both nursery and childminder? I think if it were me I would just use nursery (have used both but not at the same time).

Because myself and my DH work weekends and nursery isn't open.

I totally get it OP, I feel exactly the same at some times and it think it's totally normal. But you can see yourself he's happy, and as long as you know you've picked good quality childcare he will be absolutely fine!

It’s social conditioning isn’t it? Even though you can see first hand that your child is fine and thriving, there’s that residue of maternal guilt that somehow anyone else who ever cares for your child for any period of time is somehow second rate to you. I think it’s quite normal to feel this; you just need to tell yourself to be pragmatic. The most important thing is that he is fine, thriving and learning that he can feel secure and well cared for by people other than you- which is going to stand him in good stead.

I think it should be ok...I know lots of DC that do 2 days nursery, 2 days grandma, 1 day DM.

Going to a CM will soon have than same 'homey' feeling as going to an auntie/DMs friend rather than the full on busyness of nursery.

I can understand your worry though - DS is going to start 3 days of nursery in September rather than just 2 or 3 mornings he does now and I keep thinking he'll be tired and not understand why I'm not back after lunch :(

Honestly my two absolutely thrived at nursery and childminder

Try to reframe it...i had massive massive guilt until someone pointed out that the benefit of socialization from nursery and childminder was a boon for DC

And honestly I've seen with my own eyes it is...ypu are not handing him off ...your giving him another experience that he will benefit from

I promise they thrive

You are worrying too much. I felt like you when I put my DD at nursery when she was only ten months old. The first day was awful. I cried all the way to work whereas she smiled and waved at me when I left. She absolutely loves going to nursery, has loads of friends and loves the staff there. In retrospect, it was the best thing to do as she plays with her friends, is very social and does a ton of activities. I'll admit I often miss her and feel like running to the nursery to get a big hug but she'd probably complain I'm cramping her style!

So relax and remember your DS is having fun while you're at work

He’ll adapt perfectly and he’ll enjoy going to both. You’re experiencing guilt and it’s perfectly normal. Live in the moment and don’t let your anxiety about this issue (which is purely transient) upset the time you have with him

Try telling him each morning what's happening. If I tell my 20 month DD it's Nursery today, she seems much less upset when I leave her. At the weekend I say No Nursery today, family day and she seems to get it.

CM is good for being involved in family life and playing with different aged children, nursery for children of his own age. Remember you can't provide absolutely everything (no one person can) and a good quality care can fill in for your weaknesses. It may be hard for you, but you're adding to his experiences.