To be LIVID at controlling DH

[UtahStar]

Background info - I work Monday to Thursday 8.30 - 5pm.

DH works Mon -Thursday 7.30 - 4.30 and Friday 7.30 - 11.30.

So yes, he works longer hours than me but not by loads.

I cook dinner around 5/6 times a week. I do all the shopping and meal planning. I do 100% of the laundry. I clean the kitchen almost every day and I do all the bathrooms including bleaching the bogs and washing the floors.
I walk the dog twice a day, he's meant to do it in a night but rarely does. I do the bedding, the hoovering and putting clothes away.

What does DH do? He puts the bins out. And the DIY.

Anyway tonight he's sat playing on the computer and I was playing in the PS4 whilst making dinner. He shouted through that I should feed the dog. I shouted back "can you do it as I made tea". Anyway it erupted into a massive row where he basically said I do fuck all and he does everything as well as working full time. He works slightly more hours a week than I do yet I feel like I bod every fucking thing around the house and my fuse has well and truly blown. I'm fuming and told him to fuck off. I'm sick of him fucking telling me what to do, critising, minimising what I do. I'm fucking livid and I've blown my top big time.

He's off in a sulk and I've shut the living room door as though to tell him to leave me the fuck alone for the foreseeable future.

AIbU

I've just read an article by Caroline Criado Perez in this week's New European, about the recent Telegraph article headlined Women will have to give up work to look after parents unless EU care workers are given priority after Brexit.

What struck me about it in relation to this thread, was her comment that a recent University of Michigan study found that husbands create an extra seven hours of housework per week for women.

I found this comment, with a little more information on hours worked by men and women, on the UM website, but a quick search for USA housework trends didn't reveal any likely links for the original study, not surprising really.

I wonder that myself, Ayn. Even when I was young, if I was going out with a guy and went back to his and it was a total tip, or his car was, it just killed any attraction I had to him. I'd think of him as a big baby who never grew up and away went my libido.

""I've just read an article by Caroline Criado Perez in this week's New European, about the recent Telegraph article headlined Women will have to give up work to look after parents unless EU care workers are given priority after Brexit.""

Or Care Workers wages are better. We can fill the vacances, without issue or EU workers Up North. It's areas were the cost of living is higher than 'need' EU Workers. Personally i think we should do more to support UK Workers who are happy to take low paid work.

But UC doesn't do that, which is what it was marketed to do.

"" It's very easy to over-egg what you do""

Women rarely do that, whilst among Men it's common, especially those that haven't contributed to housework, since childhood.

""I do wonder why so many MNers stay married since they're all so hard done""

Women are still doing more housework and take on more Caring responsibilities than their Partner/male siblings etc. That's a fact. Why this is played down on MN, I don't know. Fully equal relationships are rare, but the wage differences are usually compensated by the Woman doing more, which isn't quite fair, either.

""Why do we marry men like this?""

They don't, always, but over time, these socially constructed roles are fallen into. Sometimes it's because you become convinced that you, as a Woman, should be doing it. Or other Women (we are our own worst enemies, at times), convince us that we should be. Or the wage difference/maternity leave/shorter hours mean that it creeps in before we realise.

The point to take from this nike is that if you have to grub around for examples that don't apply to all households such as multiple cars, and ways to make OPs jobs sound like nothing as you have been doing, that's a sign that while it's a possibility, it's not an equal one.

And let's say for the sake of argument that he is doing the windows, for example, that's what, once a week tops? And probably less. If it's impairing his ability to feed his dog because he's so tired, he could usefully consider whether he ought to cut it down to once every two weeks. Same with the garden. Better to have more weeds and a properly cared for pet. Whereas OP can't really leave the clothes to fester.

I think you should meet him halfway.
He reckons that he does the most,you should offer to do a rota to divide the chores 50:50 with an adjustment for the few extra hours he works.
This way he does his fair share,Leave it as it is and your resentment will kill your relationship.

Does he resent the fact that when he gets home from work, you are playing on your PS4?

So he sulks and plays on his own computer because the dog needs walking and you've been slaving over a ready-made, microwaved meal in a plastic tray? Or something that just needs heating rather than cooking?

There must be some reason why he thinks you're not pulling your weight. Ask him.

if you have to grub around for examples that don't apply to all households such as multiple cars,
'Grub around' because I mention that households often have more than one car? You really are desperate to make OP hard done-by at the expense of a man aren't you? Bless you. You carry on. I'll go and see if I can make wiping the kitchen worktops take a few hours...

Even if you have a car it doesn’t necessarily take any time. Dp does ‘look after’ ours - mot and service twice a year. Renewing the insurance (purchased through the broker I researched and found) . Cleaning it - about twice a year when I tell him to take it to get it cleaned. He has coffee while he waits , hard graft that. Oh and changing addresses. He’s had to do that twice, the first move he fucked it up and ended up costing us £850 and a hell of a lot of stress.
I don’t really count cars in weekly housework, because it would average to 2 mins a week at most and be half run by me.

I so know that story. It doesnt end well. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Bet your life is in that book.

Loving the use of the word bog btw. Not heard that in yonks!
We had a Robert at school who was always known as Bog and in 6th form a tall lanky lad with light spikey hair who went out with a girl whose initials were WC. They became Bogbrush and WC. Kids are cruel. Wonder what happened to them?

Any back on track, YANBU to be pissed off with DH. Just because you work slightly fewer hours, doesn't mean you should do all the housework. You need to sit down and agree a balance.

'Grub around' because I mention that households often have more than one car? You really are desperate to make OP hard done-by at the expense of a man aren't you? Bless you. You carry on. I'll go and see if I can make wiping the kitchen worktops take a few hours...

You'd be better served spending the time coming up with more plausible arguments babes.

YABU for playing 'PS4' as (presumably?) a grown adult!?

YANBU for everything else!

LTB

Why are you with him? Doesn't sound like a fun relationship to me.

YABU for playing 'PS4' as (presumably?) a grown adult!?
Stupid comment.

I agree with everyone else. Do only your half. Me and the dh did this and slowly fell into doing a routine of he does this/she does that.