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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be LIVID at controlling DH

91 replies

UtahStar · 10/08/2018 21:15

Background info - I work Monday to Thursday 8.30 - 5pm.

DH works Mon -Thursday 7.30 - 4.30 and Friday 7.30 - 11.30.

So yes, he works longer hours than me but not by loads.

I cook dinner around 5/6 times a week. I do all the shopping and meal planning. I do 100% of the laundry. I clean the kitchen almost every day and I do all the bathrooms including bleaching the bogs and washing the floors.
I walk the dog twice a day, he's meant to do it in a night but rarely does. I do the bedding, the hoovering and putting clothes away.

What does DH do? He puts the bins out. And the DIY.

Anyway tonight he's sat playing on the computer and I was playing in the PS4 whilst making dinner. He shouted through that I should feed the dog. I shouted back "can you do it as I made tea". Anyway it erupted into a massive row where he basically said I do fuck all and he does everything as well as working full time. He works slightly more hours a week than I do yet I feel like I bod every fucking thing around the house and my fuse has well and truly blown. I'm fuming and told him to fuck off. I'm sick of him fucking telling me what to do, critising, minimising what I do. I'm fucking livid and I've blown my top big time.

He's off in a sulk and I've shut the living room door as though to tell him to leave me the fuck alone for the foreseeable future.

AIbU

OP posts:
otterturk · 10/08/2018 21:46

Two adults playing computer games in different rooms. Weird.

LeftRightCentre · 10/08/2018 21:47

I would never have children with a selfish, slovenly man child like this. In fact, I wouldn't even date a person like this. Stop doing his shit - laundry, cooking, beds etc

findingmywaytoday · 10/08/2018 21:47

Can't unite believe you've asked if you're being unreasonable - you're not! You may work fewer hours but he has not given you any credit for the home work you do or factored in how much it would cost him to pay someone to do it if you were not there. He clearly has no appreciation for what you do so stop doing it and let him see / realise what you do.

findingmywaytoday · 10/08/2018 21:48

*quite, not unite

LuluJakey1 · 10/08/2018 21:52

YADNBU. He is absolutely blinkered.

AntoinetteOuradi · 10/08/2018 21:58

Did I misread the bit where you are both playing on computer games?

I hope I did.

That aside, I suggest you and DH both list all the jobs you do. Yours will evidently be longer than his, but he may need to see it in black and white. I couldn't be doing with all the rowing and telling one another to fuck off, though. I think you should both be a bit more adult about it and find a solution.

CocoaGin70 · 10/08/2018 21:58

He's behaving like that because you're allowing him to. And I mean that kindly.

Make some changes or ship out. That's no way to live.

thebewilderness · 10/08/2018 22:03

otterturk
You appear to have missed this bit: "...I was playing in the PS4 whilst making dinner."

thenightsky · 10/08/2018 22:06

FGS do not have DC with this man.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/08/2018 22:06

Anyway it erupted into a massive row where he basically said I do fuck all and he does everything as well as working full time.

Anyway tonight he's sat playing on the computer and I was playing in the PS4 whilst making dinner.

^^I hope you pointed this out to him!

He works 6 hours more than you do a week, tell him that spread over a week that would roughly cover you cooking and a quick clean of the bathroom a day. Anything else need to be divided up 50:50 between you both.

Bins and DIY is a fucking cop out - jobs that aren’t daily (I mean how arduous is it to take a bin out Hmm ) and don’t make up for hours of daily cleaning, cooking and admin.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 10/08/2018 22:09

don't go on full strike. Do 6 hours and not more.

flowerythorns · 10/08/2018 22:12

Sorry to ask but who fed the dog in the end?

glitterfarts · 10/08/2018 22:14

So you work 34 hours a week and he works 40. 6 hours more. And you cook 6 times a week. So, even then.

Therefore all other jobs, bathrooms, laundry, floors, windows, oven, kitchen, paperwork need to be split 50/50.

He sounds like an overgrown child. How unattractive.

JohnnyKarate · 10/08/2018 22:17

What's the issue with adults playing video games? Perfectly acceptable hobby.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 10/08/2018 22:20

Ask him to make a list of the ‘everything he does’ and say you’ll make a list of ‘everything you do’ and tell him you’ll swap for a month, then reassess.

Fishface77 · 10/08/2018 22:21

Lazy man child dickhead

LeftRightCentre · 10/08/2018 22:25

He's one of those gits who's always going to feel hard done by if he's ever made to pull his weight in life. Was his mum the type who did it all in the house? Before he moved in with you, did his flat look like a tip and he lived on Pot Noodle? Because these types rarely get better. They usually get worse and then accuse anyone who points it out of moaning or whinging.

AskATerf · 10/08/2018 22:29

LTB.

He's shown you who he is.

Thesearepearls · 10/08/2018 22:34

Competitive tiredness

It happens when you both work lots and have lots to do. You're fuming, he's fuming and for sure he's been disrespectful.

I wouldn't LTB. I wouldn't talk about this now (will erupt into a row) but maybe you can talk about this properly when you've both had a good night's sleep.

maskingtape · 10/08/2018 22:38

The poor dog.

fizzthecat1 · 10/08/2018 23:03

Did I misread the bit where you are both playing on computer games?

I hope I did

Sorry but WTH? What's wrong with playing computer games? You're sat on a forum how's that any better/more nobel?

I don't even play them but you do realise most of the market is adults playing them?

AynRandTheObjectivist · 10/08/2018 23:06

Yet another man who thinks he has purchased a woman.

CantankerousCamel · 10/08/2018 23:06

You get what you accept. Stop accepting this.

theOtherPamAyres · 10/08/2018 23:16

Show him what 50:50 means:

Shop for one (and the dog).

Make meals for one
Clear the kitchen up after yourself, but leave his plates and utensils alone.
Either walk the dog x 2 or feed the dog, not both
and so on........

Birdsgottafly · 10/08/2018 23:37

""I'm sick of him fucking telling me what to do, critising, minimising what I do""

Is this a regular occurrence? You need to discuss this when you are both off work, at the weekend and there needs to be a change in his sense of responsibility.