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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tipping is not the done thing.

546 replies

Lyndaishistory · 10/08/2018 20:01

You are not expected to tip in the UK! I'm not sure why some people think otherwise.
I would only tip if service was above and beyond but it is not an expectation and I wouldn't "cave" if it was crap service.

Husband and I had a rubbish meal at a well known resturant chain for our anniversary. I complained at the time but nothing was done about it.
Left husband to pay the bill and he tipped them. Bloody hell, I want my fiver back!
Seriously considering LTB over this.

OP posts:
Janni01 · 11/08/2018 18:44

@Kerala. Yes but they're earning way above the waiter or waitress. I'm earning the same, so find it a bit fucking annoying that I'm expected to pay them an addition to their wage.

sweetsomethings · 11/08/2018 18:49

Kerala i hope you always have the money to tip then . Until I do I will not hide my family away and deny them a treat once or twice a year. As many serving staff have pointed out on this thread they do not treat people who don’t tip differently and many have said they don’t expect it.

sweetsomethings · 11/08/2018 18:54

Janni exaclty I m not talking about going into a restaurant and running up a £100 bill and not tipping. I’m talking about me drinking tap water and ordering the cheapest thing on the menu . While the kids get kids meals and share a desert between them. Never comes to more that £25 . As others I could leave a pound but people say that’s insulting so i can’t win . I’m guessing it’s pretty obvious to the server that we don’t have much money . If they talk about me behind my back that’s fine too when you go in shops etc the staff always talk about customers when you leave that’s nothing new .

KERALA1 · 11/08/2018 18:56

If you eat out you tip. If I couldn't afford the tip I wouldn't eat out. How can you walk out without leaving a tip?! I would feel awful.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/08/2018 18:57

Janni what exactly do you all 'awesome service'? I would benchmark what AHardMan does (which is awesome) against what others have described they do (which is competent but nothing over and above) what's expected for that job.

I keep hearing people (not here) saying they 'nailed it', 'rocked it', 'smashed it' when to my mind, they've completed a task, any task. It diminishes the meaning to keep ante-ing up expectations because of a ramped-up word that doesn't relate to what's been achieved.

I tipped a waitress this week who brought me tea with sour milk (it came out in a lump) but she was charming and friendly, replaced the tea, got the wifi code and when it didn't work, looked it up on the router, wrote it down and checked that it was working. She brought the food and drinks, wasn't overly-solicitous and was polite and friendly throughout. She was like that with everybody, not just 'business people' that she thought might tip her. She was a joy.

She got a good tip for being fab (in my opinion). Her service isn't the norm, most of the servers that I come across (with the exception of hotel breakfast staff) are disinterested and bored. Until they bring the bill when it's all fake smiles. Leaves me cold. They're in the wrong job altogether, nevermind being tipped for it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/08/2018 18:59

Do what you like, KERALA, who cares? Stop judging other people though because just as you have the right to do what you want - so do they.

I think people like you perpetuate mediocre service because you keep tipping it. But, it's your right to do that and I won't judge you for it.

sweetsomethings · 11/08/2018 19:00

Oh Kerala poor people shouldn’t eat out shame on you . Believe it or not people on benefits or poorly paid jobs are entitled to eat out too. Maybe you think they should be made to stay indoors and have no joy in their life’s .

Original poster
Lyndaishistory · 11/08/2018 19:01

If you eat out you tip. If I couldn't afford the tip I wouldn't eat out. How can you walk out without leaving a tip?! I would feel awful.

Really? Get a grip.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/08/2018 19:02

sweetsomethings if you read AHardMan's post (sorry to keep referencing you, AHardMan), they have said that a customer that acknowledges the great service is more important than a tip. That you can give and I'm sure you do - just don't feel obligated to tip because any server worth their salt (in a customer-service industry) isn't going to think anything of it.

Anybody else who does isn't worth noticing.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/08/2018 19:07

I will take up that stupid comment though - tip or stay at home? So, if you can't tip, you mustn't eat out... this means that restaurant footfall is reduced (it's likely to get tougher with Brexit, at least in the interim) - so there will be fewer customers altogether...

That will wonders for job security, won't it?

Goodness me.

sweetsomethings · 11/08/2018 19:08

Thanks Lying yes I would always say thanks etc and I even try to stack the plates up myself and wipe any mess my kids make with a baby wipe etc. I will also sit my glasses on the bar when we are done.

2up2manydown · 11/08/2018 19:09

If you eat out you tip. If I couldn't afford the tip I wouldn't eat out. How can you walk out without leaving a tip?! I would feel awful.

Only because you’ve been socially conditioned to do it.

Really. All these Florence Nightingales working as waitresses. In most cases, servers are polite, take your order, bring it to you - possibly ask once is everything ok- then bring the bill and say goodbye. There’s not that much interaction. I’m not there to observe and appraise the serving staff. It’s pretty basic stuff.

Or perhaps these George Cross levels of care and attention have just passed me by.

Buswankeress · 11/08/2018 19:10

If you eat out you tip. If I couldn't afford the tip I wouldn't eat out. How can you walk out without leaving a tip?! I would feel awful.

Kerala that is massively unfair! Some people (and I have been in that situation) have to go without other things to save up and go out for a meal for a special occasion, it's a fact of life and being poor doesn't mean you don't deserve to enjoy yourself!
As a 'server', I'd much rather serve someone who was polite, kept their children in line, didn't speak to me like I am an idiot and more importantly, enjoyed themselves, told me they did and said thank you, than a rude person who demanded things I can't deliver, spoke down to me, let their children run riot and get shitty when asked to stop them tearing around and left an awful mess to be cleaned up, but left a large tip.
It's like some people think leaving a tip is compensation for being an obnoxious arsehole. It's not.

KERALA1 · 11/08/2018 19:14

Ha surprised my comments are controversial?! Yes I am an evil witch who always tips - it's like saying "please" and "thank you" to me but if you brought up differently who am I to say that's wrong but personally never come across non tipping in real life

sweetsomethings · 11/08/2018 19:15

It sounds like Kerala uses her tipping as though she is doing her good deed for day. Like it puts her on some kind of moral pedistool . Walking out with her head high like she has made some sort of charity donation to people who are clearly beneath her. In her own head that is .

KERALA1 · 11/08/2018 19:18

Err yes that's right Hmm I think nothing of it but always tip / round up if I've had a meal out think nothing of it not a good deed - everyone else I have ever met does the same so I'm no different . Weird weird views on this thread!

Original poster
Lyndaishistory · 11/08/2018 19:19

Ha surprised my comments are controversial?!

No, they were thoughtless.

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 11/08/2018 19:20

Backs away slowly...

Out to dinner.

We will tip!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/08/2018 19:24

Ha surprised my comments are controversial?!

No, they were thoughtless.

^^ This. They were. Go and play lady bountiful, KERALA, spread your shrapnel to the minions. Bon appetite. :)

user1457017537 · 11/08/2018 19:26

I’m from a generation that tip but I have noticed that the younger generation do not/will not tip. Their money is just for them

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 11/08/2018 19:28

No one I've ever worked with has judged some one who doesn't tip. As I said before we judge bad behaviour and rudeness, and a customer having a little word with the manager or leaving a good review naming a server means an awful lot. It's such a nice feeling when a review is left with ahardman made our night memorable, or handled XXX well, makes me feel like I've done something great today. Im not out saving lives (although I actually have twice in my job but that's another story) or making a huge difference to society but a little nod to say "you helped make my day better" is amazing and I (and everyone I've ever worked with) would be really chuffed with that!. Also, if at a bar and you say keep the change, 5p, 10p, 20p it all adds up and no one is offended by that every penny adds up and we're grateful! If you can't afford/don't want to tip then don't, but if you've had a great experience passing that message on really is a moral booster! I once served an elderly lady, she was 99p short and couldn't afford to add a pot of tea to her order. So I paid the 99p and she got her tea. Her daughter left a beautiful public message a week later. The lady sadly passed away, that was her last day out and my tiny little gesture gave her joy. I'll take that message over money any day of the week!!!

sweetsomethings · 11/08/2018 19:30

User that is certainly not the case in my area . I don’t think the older generations here tip much at all. I do see pensioners here tipping hairdressers etc a pound . But certainly not 20% in restaurants .

Original poster
Lyndaishistory · 11/08/2018 19:31

with ahardman made our night memorable

You are brilliant! Grin

Thank you for showing another side to the picture and for being so lovely and humble.

OP posts:
sweetsomethings · 11/08/2018 19:34

Ahardman you sound like a fantastic selfless person . I truly believe that most people have hearts of gold like you and are not judging like some people have suggested servers do.

SilverySurfer · 11/08/2018 19:35

rainbowsandsmiles
Not in the UK, it isn't.

Yes, it is/

I'll do IMO you're a patronising little crumb thrower for the sake of "tradition" to the lowly paid workers as you feel you're doing a good deed for them.

No idea what you're talking about here - did you have a brain fart?

Anyone who doesn't tip is a mean, miserly scrooge.

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