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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think funerals are outrageously expensive?

185 replies

crunchymint · 10/08/2018 14:12

I have been shocked when organising a funeral at how expensive they are. Even a basic cremation with no service costs a £1000. A very ordinary funeral will cost about £3,000. It is a lot of money.

OP posts:
Tobyturtle · 11/08/2018 10:08

I work at Co-op funeralcare and we offer pre paid funeral plans which are great value. You buy it now at today’s price and then whenever you redeem it everything that you have previously paid for is covered - regardless of how much it has increased.
They actually cover the majority of things you need, all funeral firecfor fees, coffin, cremation, doctors fees, minister to take the service, hearse and you can opt for a plan with or without limos. It’s the only plan which covers everything rather than just making a payment towards disbursement’s (fees that the funeral directors pay on your behalf - so crematorium, ministers etc...)
Also you can pay it monthly over as long as you want (up to 25 years) as long as it’s paid before your 80th birthday. We’be also just brought in this new incentive that if you’ve been paying your plan for over 12 months (and you have not deferred on a payment) then if you pass away after this time they will cover the entire cost of your funeral and so your family won’t be burdened with it.
It makes such a difference when I am arranging a funeral with a family and the deceased had a plan as everything is sorted for the family and they know they’re following their loved ones wishes. They don’t have to worry about the financial aspects either, they are able to focus on that person and their grief as opposed to panicking about finding a large sum of money.
Apologies if this sounds like a sales pitch I just genuinely think they’re such a good investment for the future!

PrimalLass · 11/08/2018 10:22

It's not great value or at today's prices. I posted an example from the Co-op website below and the price paid was double the value.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/08/2018 10:26

Tobyturtle this is exactly why I mentioned that all plans are not equal Smile

Without doubt some are better than others, but as ever the point is to read the small print, rather than - as many do - just assume

Tobyturtle · 11/08/2018 10:27

Primal, if you pay over the 25 years then yes you do end up paying more due to interest. If however you bought the plan in full today or paid over 12 months (interest free) then it is at today’s prices. Even if you chose over 25 years then yes you’d pay more but still arguably less than what a funeral would be in 25 years time.

Tobyturtle · 11/08/2018 10:30

Exactly puzzled, I have a lot of people telling me they have an Axa or Sunlife plan so they’re fine however in my experience they usually only get around £1000osh from that! Therefore the family still have to find around £3000.
There’s a big difference between a funeral plan and an insurance policy.

ScreamingValenta · 11/08/2018 10:30

My family are under instructions to have me put in a cardboard box/plastic bag or whatever, and incinerated without any ceremony whatsoever.

RedDwarves · 11/08/2018 10:36

Everyone should have a life insurance policy with a funeral advancement clause if they are young. It's irresponsible not to have something put aside to cover the cost of your funeral. No, most people won't begrudge their relative/friend/whoever the cost of their funeral, but you know that it's an inevitability, so you should financially prepare for it.

I wouldn't complain about the cost itself, though, as the industry is a business like any other. It operates as a business, and will endeavour to make a profit like any other business.

annandale · 11/08/2018 10:42

I spent just over £6000 burying Dh and feel bloody lucky to have had the money. We definitely had some fancy stuff, but maybe not the sort of thing people imagine for that money - he was buried because his mother couldn't stand the thought of cremation, we had limos and pall bearers but certainly not flowers (everyone brought daffodils), the cheapest coffin, no headstone planned, a pricey but wonderful celebrant, friends and family sharing memories, tea and cake in a village hall. His death was so traumatic, frankly sometimes some ritual and 'fuss' help. Most of the money probably went on looking after and mending his body, which I couldn't have borne to do.

I have life insurance so ds will have money if I die before retirement age, but after that I will probably just save. But I'm lucky to have the resources. Also it was cheaper to get a double depth grave, so maybe I will drop in to that Smile

crunchymint · 11/08/2018 10:49

Valenta That will still cost about a £1000

OP posts:
SplishSplashSplosh · 11/08/2018 10:53

Yes, funerals are very expensive, but so are weddings and some people are willing to pay hundreds if not thousands for a wedding dress that they will wear for less than 24 hours and not give it a second thought and then again on flowers and all sorts of (in reality) un-necessary things they feel they need to make a wedding day special.

Tobyturtle · 11/08/2018 10:58

Yes when people say they just want to be cremated in a box or something then that actually can’t just happen.
Firstly the person would need to rest somewhere as the death needs to be registered and as long as no PM has taken place then 2 doctors need to see the deceased before the cremation can take place. Realistically you’re looking at a week before someone can be cremated by the time you have all the relevant paperwork.
Also most crematoriums specify what type of coffin they will accept. A lot won’t even accept a proper cardboard coffin and so they’re not going to just accept an oversized box with someone in!
We’ve just brought in a new service which is direct to crem which is £1395 in total. This includes bringing the deceased into our care, resting with us until the funeral, suitable wooden coffin, doctors fees and cremation fees. We then take the deceased to the crematorium for the cremation to take place. Bearing in mind the cremation fee is around £700 -£800 and the doctors fees are £164 in total I feel this is good value - there is no service at the crematorium though.
You can’t buy a plan for this though (as of yet) it is just an at need service.

BiteyShark · 11/08/2018 11:06

I do feel sorry for some people's relatives that are left to cope with all of this when they have little money.

People can't just dig a hole and put you in which are phrases I have heard people use to ignore the inevitable. I think that's because they don't have to worry about it as it will be their relatives problem. The other thing to consider is the guilt of not giving their relatives a 'send off' from others around them. If the family are 'together' on a straight to cremation funeral that's great but I suspect there will be a few extended or close family making noises about needing a funeral but equally not prepared to put their hands in their pockets to help with the financial costs if money it tight.

user1471426142 · 11/08/2018 11:13

Pre-planning does help. My granny planned her funeral down to the guest list, catering, programme design etc. It made things much easier for my parents as they didn’t need to guess or really think about it. But, I don’t know at what age I’d do that. It’s perhaps easier psychologically to think about such things in your 80s. I couldn’t imagine planning mine now.

ScreamingValenta · 11/08/2018 11:26

crunchymint Well, my savings would more than cover that if I unexpectedly popped my clogs!

Bluelady · 11/08/2018 11:40

I'm so glad my parents did no preplanning. Arranging the funerals, writing the eulogies, choosing the music, sorting everything out, not only gave me plenty to keep me occupied in what felt like the interminable time before the funerals took place, but also felt like the last act of love for them. The money, thankfully, wasn't an issue as there were funds in the estate to cover the cost.

WhentheDealGoesDown · 11/08/2018 11:47

Yes if you have savings then the funeral will just get paid out of that, they are allowed to release the money before probate for the funeral, that is what happened with DM, the solicitor just requested the funeral bill money from DMs bank account, we bought the headstone after probate had been granted and the whole lot was just an expense like everything else before the estate got shared out, plus it means all the beneficiaries pay for it, if the estate is shared as DM's was.

The problem is when the deceased, has none or little money, We have savings in the bank so probably won't bother with a plan

Syfychannel · 11/08/2018 11:55

A friend of mine sadly lost her son in his 40s. She is ill and on benefits as was he, so there was no money for a funeral. A grant was available but it was very hard to get it because of confusion over who was his next of kin, since he had a long term live in girl friend. This made an unhappy time in her life even harder for her.

Cathmidston · 11/08/2018 12:08

DIY Burial"
All the material on this page is taken from the book "Green Burial" by JB Bradfield and published by the Natural Death Centre. Available from either the Natural Death Centre or the PHFT for £9:85.

As soon as you mention burial outside of a cemetery, a great wave of learned opinion will strike you, coming from Aunty Flo, Government departments and everyone in between. It is opinion that has the majority of the country earnestly believing that burial outside of consecrated ground is illegal, and opinion that makes one council actively help its residents if they want burial outside of a cemetery whilst another attempts to obstruct it.

Planning law surrounding burial is vague and it is individuals' interpretation of these laws that causes confusion. However, the practicalities of arranging a burial are very simple.

I confirm to you that planning permission is not required for the burial of one or two persons....While planning permission is not required, [it is] strongly advised to consult [the] local authority to ensure [the grave] would not...be polluting the water table. You would also be advised to append a plan of where the body is to the deeds of your property.
(Letter to Natural Death Centre from Department of Environment 12.5.94)

Note the word advised.

You do not need planning permission. Neither do you need to contact the Environmental Health Department. All that you need is permission from the land owner (yourself if you own your garden). The Council will have to get permission from the Home Office to exhume you, if they feel strongly about your choice of burial site. (Which they are unlikely to get). Consulting the local authority about the water table is not good idea, since this will set alarm bells off all over the Town Hall and you will be interfered with. Infact, the pollution of the water table is very unlikely from one or two bodies.

Dead bodies will not cause problems once they are buried since the earth acts as a deodorizer and cleaning agent. However, if you are particularly concerned about this, contact the Rivers Authority for advice. They suggest, for instance,that burial should not take place within 10 meters of any standing or running water.

Infectious disease shouldn't cause you a problem either, unless you die of anthrax, heamoragic fever, cholera, plague (which one is not made clear), relapsing fever, smallpox or typhus. Even if you were to die of one of these bizarre illnesses, your family could take you home from hospital as long as they were going to bury or cremate you immediately.

Please note that AIDS is not a notifiable disease and creates no problem in burial.

The regulations about depth of graves is either specific or nonexistent. In some old towns the following may apply,

No coffin shall be buried in any grave without less than 30 inches of soil between the surface of [the ground] and the upper side of the coffin.
(Section 103 Burial Act 1847 chapter 34)

That's less than 3 feet, however, its probably best to dig a 4 foot hole, since this will allow about 3 feet between the upper surface of the body, assuming that you will not be using a coffin, and the ground surface. "6 feet under" is a colloquialism. In ordinary cemeteries, a body may be given a 6 foot deep grave, but another body will be placed on top of it in the future.

You need to be practical when deciding where you want your grave. Sandy soils are dangerous to dig in to any depth, and rock will obviously limit how far down you can dig.

If you are digging a grave yourself, you need to be careful and have help. If you are fit and enthusiastic, it should take about three hours work to dig a four foot deep grave. Try and shore up the first two feet of the grave so that it is supported when the mourners stand around it, and work steadily so that you don't strain yourself. You might want to take a bucket to stand on so that you can get out of the grave at the end of a tiring day!

You will also need to make careful measurements of the body and any receptacle it will be in. To be absolutely certain that these measurements are correct, it's sensible to measure the height and width of the body with dowling rod, cutting the rod to the right size and dangling these rods on string right down into the grave. The last thing you want is a grave that is too short or narrow.

You are not obliged to use a coffin. Even "green coffins" require energy to be used in their construction and transportation, and some use a type of PVC that gives off Dioxins. The body can be dressed or naked. It can be wound in a sheet or put in a body bag. To lower it into the earth, you will need at least two long rope lengths, probably more, so that it can be carefully rested at the bottom of the grave. And the grave needs to be covered with a board to prevent people falling in. It does not need to be filled in immediately. Some of us might like to spend a little time with the body before it is covered with earth.

You need to make a register for the grave. This means that you will need a piece of paper with the name, address, date of birth, age, date and place of burial and the name of the "minister". A drawing also needs to to be kept with the register, showing the exact location of the grave. You need to keep these papers safe so that there will be no fear of your grave being disturbed by accident.

Because choice is possible within the law, we have the opportunity to bury ourselves where we want and be certain that the land around us cannot be tampered with. The implications for conservation are enormous! And although it's tempting to consult with officials, there really is no need.

We need to be very aware that our culture is the only thing standing between us and a burial within any part of the Land that we like. Dead bodies are not evil receptacles of disease. They do not corrupt the land or water. (How many dead sheep have you seen in lakes, streams and reservoirs?) Soil and the creatures in the soil and in the body itself will break it down safely and cleanly.

I would suggest that wherever possible, we do not bring officialdom into our plans, even on a matter of principal, since their knowledge of the law is generally appalling and their actions based on their own fears and from living in a culture which has turned its back on anything to do with death. Rather, we should take advantage of the law as it stands, and think about conservation and feeding of the land.

For those of us who are not concerned about being buried with others of whatever faith, burial out in the open land is an achievable and worthwhile aim."

More...

nokidshere · 11/08/2018 12:17

My,MIL died in 2016 and left strict instructions for "no fuss".

So just the hearse, no flowers, a celebrant and a very short 15 min "service" with the cheapest coffin cost us £3982

buckingfrolicks · 11/08/2018 12:20

someone may already have posted this - but you folks do realise you don't have to use a funeral director don't you?

You can do all of it yourself

bbcessex · 11/08/2018 12:36

annandale ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/08/2018 12:56

As ever, surely the really vital thing is to talk about these things beforehand - just for one example if someone has a funeral plan/policy, it's not much use if the family don't know about it

Neither are pre-bought, shared graves always straightforward, as my late DF found out when burying an aged aunt. As the conversation with the funeral director (FD) went:

FD I'll need to get the purchaser's permission for her to use the grave
DF You can't do that
FD Why not?
DF He's in it

Hmm
bridgetreilly · 11/08/2018 13:02

I understand it's a lot of money, sometimes very unexpectedly, at a very difficult time.

However, I don't think that the charges are in any way unreasonable for the service you get. As others have said, a lot of what people pay for is optional. Nobody is raking in millions by running a crematorium, I assure you.

PrimalLass · 11/08/2018 13:34

Primal, if you pay over the 25 years then yes you do end up paying more due to interest. If however you bought the plan in full today or paid over 12 months (interest free) then it is at today’s prices.

Good to know - thank you. I just flicked through the website and that's what I saw.

WhirlwindHugs · 11/08/2018 13:46

It is expensive, a lot of the cost is reflective of the time and staff needed to facilitate a burial though. Just digging the grave can take a whole day and two people.

Buying a plot is expensive because the land is running out and land is expensive. There is a lot of careful management going on at the moment of the cemetery space available and budget planning for the future constantly going on in the background to make sure there is still space for the future...

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