to think that preteens ruin your evenings?

[BathmatOfDoom]

DS is 11 and brilliant company. I love him to bits. But in the evening after a long day I maybe want to chill out and watch something on TV or Netflix, and there's loads I'd like to watch but which I don't want him to see. Once he goes to bed (9-10pm depending on holidays/school etc) it's too late for me to start watching anything, I need my bed! I'm sure I should relish every moment but tbh sometimes it was nice when they went to bed at 7.30pm although the little buggers never stayed there for more than a couple of hours

I generally find my 12 year old son delightful company, but I agree. I can't send him upstairs too early as he shares a bunk bed with DS2, the world's lightest sleeper. But I don't want to spend every night watching Youtube videos of other people playing Geometry Dash, or Japanese Anime (I sat through Death Note - series not the film - and pretended I loved it, but please, no more!). And he isn't interested in or old enough for most of what I enjoy watching. I end up staying up far too late watching more adult stuff which isn't good.

I'm slowly trying to get him into the more age suitable stuff I enjoy - he loves Father Ted and It Crowd. And weirdly we both accidentally got obsessed with The Great Pottery Throwdown, though I wasn't allowed to tell his friends . It's a funny age. Better than being the resident taxi service as I will be in a couple of years, I suppose!

No parenting after 9 was always the rule in our house. So kids could be up if self sufficient and upstairs.

I hear ya OP!

DS13 I’ve now instigated a back to school routine to get him to his room at 9pm “so it’s isn’t so hard when you go back to school”

In an attempt to encourage DD 10 to go upstairs last night, I changed the channel to something on BBC4 about Jupiter. DD admitted that she’d happily watch something ‘boring’ if it meant she could stay up late!

RomanyRoots where is DS1?

We try and encourage our one to read in bed to promote sleep. She sees righg through us. Preacher and OITNB must wait.

I ditch 10 year old DD into her room at 8. She can read or draw. If it's the holidays then she can watch her tablet.

You don't need to keep him with you till 9 or 10 OP!

Hmm.. I'm dreading this phase of parenting. The only thing that keeps me and DH going after a long day is the couple of hours we get from about 8-10/10:30 when the kids are in bed and we can chat, watch a movie and so on.

How do you parents of older kids keep your marriage healthy? When do you get space to discuss household or health or family stuff in private?

Mine are 3 and 6 and most of what we talk about goes over their heads and if it doesn't, we just talk about it in those hours when they're in bed. I've no idea what we're going to do when they're older!

speakout

He is living with his partner and has been for several years now.
It was dreadful at first, I have separation anxiety, I know it's weird.
I'm usually fine, he's bloody 27, but sometimes it just hits me for no reason, and just back then it did.
I know the other two won't have the same impact, maybe it's a first born thing.
had no idea it would spring up and turn me into a nasty cow though

Eile my older DD is 14 and since she was about 11, she's preferred to keep to her room a lot...she does come out and socialise with us a BIT but she's a typical teen and spends a lot of time in her room talking to her friends on the phone!

So they're not all keen on hanging with the parents at all.

My younger DD at 10 is still very much a little girl and wants to be near us....we do send her to bed at 8.00pm but she can sit up in bed and read or draw. In the hols she can watch her tablet for an hour or so too.

We talk about private things when the kids aren't there! Only way.

We have a set of friends who we swap sleepovers with for the younger one so we get some nights of peace!

Also, we will sit in anothe room and whisper!

RomanyRoots do you see your son?

We went through all this stuff with our kids as pre-teens and teenagers, when we didn't get a minute to ourselves. As time moved forward we got used to having more time to ourselves.

As young single adults, both are now back home and treat the place as if they live in a hotel. DS has had an operation on his foot and been at home since mid May recovering. He will go to London for a new job in September which carries a lot of responsibility, yet acts like young teenager at home. DD has had a knee injury, which has required time off and lots of TLC.

We are both late fifties and find ourselves running round after adult kids, who monopolise the Skybox and do nothing to help, just acting like kids again. We want them to get back to full steam and do as much as we can to help, but truly wonder when it will ever end.

When I was 11 my parents just got me a tv for my room and sent me to bed. I didn’t get to linger around downstairs ruining their evening.

Although I did watch stuff I probably shouldn’t. I particularly remember Videodrome. Blew my tiny 11 year old mind.

PS We love having them around for their company and all the laughs, but we know that they are taking the P* and could do more to help if they wanted to.

My kids are now in their thirties, and I do miss having them around in the evenings!

We had a great few years of Friday evening family viewing when Channel 4 started showing really good comedies on Friday evenings, we watched Spaced together for example. I'm now able to catch up on a lot of stuff I missed courtesy of Netflix, TV:UK and other services.

I’m planning to add an extension before mine are teenagers!

Bathmat, thankfully, DD's moved on to Unspeakable. He's great.

We need to extend this thread to your recommendations for a good watch with pre teens. We are forever trawling through Netflix and Now tv trying to find stuff we all like.

Please throw in your success stories so I can pinch your ideas!

Yes, please give suggestions for family viewing with pre-teens. Mine are 8 and 11 and its really hard to find things we can all watch together. DH and I like Game of Thrones, Better Call Saul, Get Shorty, The Affair and Gomorroh - not much on that list that's suitable!

Mine like the Simpsons and Outnumbered but DH told me off for letting them watch Outnumbered as it gives away too much about what parents really think about their children!

My preteen doesn't watch TV. She watches YouTube exclusively.

My 11yo DS has only recently started spending the evening downstairs with us. I quite like it as we never spent much time together before (he's usually upstairs on the Xbox) and DH is out walking the dog.
We've just finished watching 3 series of Ru Paul's Drag Race - it's very sweary so not my finest parenting moment, but we've enjoyed it
Parks and Rec is a good choice

I think you need to go to bed later

I send mine to read or play somewhere else if I'm watching something unsuitable.

For the last few weeks, though, I've let dd (13) stay up late on the condition she watches Buffy with me. It's been so much fun.

I told her I'd been looking forward to watching Buffy with her since before she was born, she rolled her eyes (it's true, though, I have!) but she's been enjoying it!

I've tried the Bore them off to bed trick, but he's now cottoned on. We've watched an awful lot about Ancient Egypt recently but they always have science-y bits in. A couple of years ago I was really desparate - wrapping Christmas presents - and put on Andre Rieu. DS loved him! Stayed up and insisted on watching another! #parentfail