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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu not to apologise?

56 replies

garbagegirl · 09/08/2018 13:08

Got together with family about 2 weeks ago at home and my brother pointed out that my son looks like the kid from the movie Big Daddy (Or Ben from friends. Same kid) which I guess maybe he does if you squint a bit. My brother thought it hilarious to quote from the movie "I wipe my own ass" a few times. He's always been a bit immature, kids were out of earshot so I agreed he kind of looked like him the first time and then just sort of ignored it

Fast forward to today. My Mum who I love but who learnt to whisper in a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws declared loudly in the middle of soft play when we were about to go "ok so we have the other kids, where's I wipe my own ass"

I didn't like it. My son's 3 and I don't want him hearing adults refer to him with that phrase. Apparently because I told my mum this I upset and embarrassed her and I should say I am sorry
I'm not sorry though. Aibu?

OP posts:
Heismyopendoor · 09/08/2018 13:09

YANBU

NancyDonahue · 09/08/2018 13:16

Saying i onnce is quite funny (just) but to keep saying it is pathetic and if other kids hear it it could quite posibly stick to your poor ds. Tell them to stop.

Justkeeprollingalong · 09/08/2018 13:17

Absolutely not. That's a horrible way to refer to a child.

JustJoinedRightNow · 09/08/2018 13:19

That’s terrible OP. What an awful way for your Mum to speak about her grandchild.

Your brother needs to grow up.

It worries me that she and your brother are referring to your little boy as that phrase when speaking about him, which is why she called him that when out with you.

She has no right to be upset, she should be embarrassed that you had to tell her off. Crazy.

LoveInTokyo · 09/08/2018 13:22

YANBU.

Why should you apologise to someone who was rude about your child?

Your mum needs to stop being such a rude snowflake.

rainbowstardrops · 09/08/2018 13:28

YANBU. Once was a 'joke' but not ok to carry something like that on and definitely not in public!

Trinity66 · 09/08/2018 13:30

YANBU

heartsease68 · 09/08/2018 13:31

YANBU

sexnotgender · 09/08/2018 13:32

YANBU. What an immature arsehole.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/08/2018 13:34

because I told my mum this I upset and embarrassed her
Good grief.
YANBU.

IsItThatTimeAlready131 · 09/08/2018 13:34

YANBU

It's not a pleasant way for anyone to refer to a child, let alone one they are related to. If there is an apology to be made I would think it would be from your brother and mum to you and your son, rather than you to your mum. Does your DM get upset like this a lot or ius it a one off? If it's a regular thing is it possible your DM needs to grow up and stop being offended so easily?

When DS3 was a baby he looked like Baby Grumpling from The Perishers, so DH, BIL and FIL would refer to him as Baby Grumpling. Once he was old enough to have heard and understood I asked DH to stop doing it, he then had to tell his DB and DF to stop it, it seems once people latch onto something they often don't stop without prompting! (And this wasn't as bad as what your mum and DB were saying).

bluetrampolines · 09/08/2018 13:38

Yadnbu. That is really horrible.

mostdays · 09/08/2018 13:39

YANBU at all.

I think I'd send my mum a text along the lines of "You called my son 'I wipe my own ass' and you think I am the one who should be apologising? Grow up, Mum, this is beyond ridiculous on your part."

Yes, it would cause ructions, but tbh I really wouldn't care.

KurriKurri · 09/08/2018 13:42

I'd say your Mum sounds pretty immature as well. Ask her why she thought it was Ok to call a little boy unkind names ? And no I wouldn;t apologise - you were standing up for your son, he's too little to defend himself and if you hadn't spoken up this nonsense would have continued. Hopefully your Mum and your brother will grow up and realise it's not acceptable.

CaMePlaitPas · 09/08/2018 13:42

Maybe she's fed up with the 3 year old repeating it. She meant it as a joke, I'm not sure why anyone needs to apologise to anyone - just move on, life is too short.

CaMePlaitPas · 09/08/2018 13:44

Ohhh I misunderstood. OK, YANBU, that was quite rude actually.

PolkaHots · 09/08/2018 13:52

Would be seriously tempted to send mostdays text.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 09/08/2018 13:52

Jeez, you have to ask?

KM99 · 09/08/2018 13:57

Sounds like my MIL, will do something rude and when you gently pull her up on it she creates drama to deflect from her mistake.

I'm inclined to agree with mostdays suggestion. Stamp on this behaviour before she escalates.

IKnowItsTIMHONKSTIMHONKS · 09/08/2018 13:59

YANBU. Kids are innocent little things and shouldn't be referred to like that.

Original poster
garbagegirl · 09/08/2018 14:00

I didn't think I was BU but my sister who was there was the one who said I had embarrassed our Mum. Mums response to that was "its ok, I know what Garbagegirl is like by now" which took me aback tbh and made me think may be I was OTT and should have kept my mouth shut.

I wasn't about to have an argument in public so I just eye rolled. She isn't usually like this really.

OP posts:
AdoreTheBeach · 09/08/2018 14:00

Of course your mum is embarrassed - of her own behaviour. What an unbelievably horrible way to refer to your son, her grandson.

That needs to stop NOW. Goodness, could you imagine if that stuck the damage that could be done to his self esteem and god forbid kids at school years down the line learn about this “nickname” started by one immature family member but horribly continued by “loving” grandmother, the bullying or “joking” made of your poor son could be the “butt” of.

Poor you and poor DC.

Show your mother this thread if she cannot understand just how wrong that is and enlist her to help put other family members straight too. Everyone (who is that immature) needs to know it is wrong.

TeamLannister · 09/08/2018 14:03

Another one for mostdays suggestion! Your mum is in the wrong here, not you.

daffodillament · 09/08/2018 14:06

Sorry but i think this is bloody hilarious ! I can see your point though and you shouldn't have to apologise for being mortified. I would have just given her a firm nudge and a look ! I love your description of how she learnt to whisper ! Grin

farangatang · 09/08/2018 14:06

No wonder you're upset. Your son's grandmother just belittled him in public (whether or not he's young enough to understand or not). I"m actually trying to work out if your post is 'for real' or not as I can't believe anyone would speak about their DGC like that.

I have called my own kids many unkind names in private - they are not for sharing in public, no matter how 'amusing' someone thinks it is.