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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu not to apologise?

56 replies

garbagegirl · 09/08/2018 13:08

Got together with family about 2 weeks ago at home and my brother pointed out that my son looks like the kid from the movie Big Daddy (Or Ben from friends. Same kid) which I guess maybe he does if you squint a bit. My brother thought it hilarious to quote from the movie "I wipe my own ass" a few times. He's always been a bit immature, kids were out of earshot so I agreed he kind of looked like him the first time and then just sort of ignored it

Fast forward to today. My Mum who I love but who learnt to whisper in a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws declared loudly in the middle of soft play when we were about to go "ok so we have the other kids, where's I wipe my own ass"

I didn't like it. My son's 3 and I don't want him hearing adults refer to him with that phrase. Apparently because I told my mum this I upset and embarrassed her and I should say I am sorry
I'm not sorry though. Aibu?

OP posts:

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 09/08/2018 14:07

Sounds like there is more to this. Why does your mum say she knows what you are like by now? What does that mean?

Funnyface1 · 09/08/2018 14:09

Yanbu.

DoulaDaisy · 09/08/2018 14:09

Jeez if they think he looks like the kid from the movie why not juse the the actors/characters name, why the need to be so crass. YADNBU

LoveInTokyo · 09/08/2018 14:11

Your sister should have kept her gob shut and your mum made things worse by coming out with this passive aggressive delight:

"its ok, I know what Garbagegirl is like by now"

She needs telling that what she said was unacceptable, and she is the one who should be apologising, not you. If she feels upset or embarrassed by what you said then it's her fault for saying what she said in the first place.

mostdays suggested text hits the nail on the head.

diddl · 09/08/2018 14:11

Your mum should be upset & embarrassed-by herself!

Can't believe anyone would take the piss out of a 3yr old or refer to any kid as that-let alone their own nephew/GS.

Might be obvious where your brother's immaturity comes from!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 09/08/2018 14:14

I know what garbagegirl is like by now

Ah yes, that old chestnut. I've been a complete twat but it's garbages fault for being uptight or prissy, because acknowledging I'm a twat or could possibly cause offence just isn't going to happen.

You have my sympathy. I've had many issues with my dps. The last was my dm making very racist comments about people of my dc cousins' ethnicity. She hasn't talked to me since I said I didn't want that sort of stuff said around the dc. She's waiting for me to apologise. I won't.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/08/2018 14:20

How would she like it if you referred to her as "I-think-I've-pissed-myself" because she is getting older?

She bloody wouldn't!

None of the blame here is yours - your brother is a twat - you kept quiet then to keep the peace; you've done your best to ignore his idiocy but then your mother who really should have more sense, starts with it? Pfft! I'd have said a lot more than you have!

Do. Not. Apologise.

muddlingalong42 · 09/08/2018 14:22

YANBU. It’s bullying behaviour to give anyone a nick name they don’t know or understand, never mind a 3 yr old! Do not apologise. Stick to your guns

chocatoo · 09/08/2018 14:23

YANBU! and I would also pull her about her comment about you. Just make it clear that you are extremely offended.

Bibesia · 09/08/2018 14:27

my sister who was there was the one who said I had embarrassed our Mum

Tell her the only person who embarrassed your Mum was your Mum.

rosetree7 · 09/08/2018 14:32

@garbagegirl

My Mum who I love but who learnt to whisper in a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws, said 'where's i wipe my own ass?

PMSL at your description of where she learned to whisper!

It's kind of funny, but YANBU to be a bit irked.

Just ask her not to say it again...

SugarPlumLairy · 09/08/2018 14:33

Your family aren’t very nice to you, or your child to be honest 😔
Are you the scapegoat by any chance?

I wouldn’t apologise, I might find nicknames for them, “needs help to wipe own arse”, face like a slapped arse” or just arsehole” for short, see how they like it..

But don’t stoop their behaviour, maybe just see less of them. Your poor son is going to get picked on otherwise.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 09/08/2018 14:38

Personally I would start calling your mum ‘arse wipe’ when in public and see how she likes it.

Honestly. She’s not nice and her passive aggressive comment about you speaks volumes. I don’t believe this is the first time she’s treated you like shut but perhaps it’s the first time you’ve noticed it as it’s affecting your children?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 09/08/2018 14:38

Shit not shut.
My phone hates me swearing

ellybo · 09/08/2018 14:39

YANBU!

ThanosSavedMe · 09/08/2018 14:41

Your sister needs to butt out. Your brother needs to grow up and apologise. Your mum also needs to apologise.

Yanbu

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 09/08/2018 14:42

"My Mum who I love but who learnt to whisper in a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws"

No comment to make other than I love this description

Jaxhog · 09/08/2018 14:42

Why should you apologise to someone who was rude about your child?

Quite!

diddl · 09/08/2018 14:48

Do your family even like you & your son, Op?

CheeseYesPlease · 09/08/2018 14:49

I wouldn't apologize. Saying it a once maybe twice is funny but after that it is rude. My daughter has a middle name where (now after Fil said it) if you say it a bit fast it sounds like a terrorist group. One day we went to my In laws and FIL kept calling her this. A couple of times it was "haha funny" after that I gave him a good telling off. I dont care if his feelings were hurt coz he shouldn't carry on with it like an arse.
So no dont say sorry you were just sticking up for your son.

badtime · 09/08/2018 14:50

She should be upset and embarrassed about her own behaviour. You should not apologise.

Perhaps if more people pointed out when she (and your other family members) were behaving badly, they would stop it and maybe start being a bit nicer.

As for "its ok, I know what Garbagegirl is like by now" , ignore that. You know what you're like, too. You're the sort of person who politely tells people to stop insulting your son. What a bitch you clearly are!

deepsea · 09/08/2018 14:52

Your mother should be the one to apologise to you

LeftRightCentre · 09/08/2018 15:06

WTAF? Who thinks this is funny? No, I wouldn't apologise.

Lizzie48 · 09/08/2018 15:39

YADNBU, OP, that was very rude and no, you shouldn't apologise. Your mum and brother both sound very immature.

Original poster

garbagegirl · 09/08/2018 15:40

She popped in with my sister. Made some comment about not understanding why I had fallen out with her. I said I hadn't fallen out with anyone, I just won't allow anyone to speak to my 3 yr old like that - not even my Mother who incidentally was the person who brought me up to have those values.

I said I'm not so much offended as a bit perplexed as to why she thought it ok to say that especially in public and at volume. She said she just hadn't thought of it as hurtful. I asked her to not do it again and said that if she ever tried gaslighting me again it would seriously damage our relationship. She changed the subject.

OP posts:

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