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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD's favourite game and thing to do with me is the game I detest! AIBU to not play it with her when she is an only child..

113 replies

PeppyPiggy · 09/08/2018 11:52

My DD's an only child, turning 3 in October.

Her favourite game and thing to do, for a long time now, is to take her toys and say "mummy make them talk", I then make the toys into characters with little voices. It's very sweet and I understand why she loves to play this game the most. I am a very introverted personality type (INFP) anyone who understands introversion properly will understand why I can't play a game like that all day :( ..It drains me and I find it really hard work. My brother is also very introverted, he is great with my DD and chatting with her, He is super creative and smart! He went to Cambridge and yet he even can't hack more than ten minutes of the "make the toys talk game" It's incredibly draining for us. I will always try to introduce something new, reading, building, art ..But DD knows what she wants.

AIBU to play DD's game for a limited time of ten mins and then say enough? The game is clearly a good one for development and makes her happy and I hate that I get so drained by it.. Wish she had siblings

OP posts:
RaspberryRipple1963 · 09/08/2018 17:38

Forgot to mention my DD is also an only child,as is my DGD,which I know adds to the pressure to 'perform'!

BertrandRussell · 09/08/2018 19:55

I used to have to voice the clouds. For hours.

Kokeshi123 · 10/08/2018 04:09

By the way, I agree with other posters that a bit of misguided guilt over the only-child thing is leading you to project a bit.

If you actually had another child then either:

(if your other child was the older sibling by a few years) the other sibling would be off at school most of the day anyway and you would have the same problem you do now anyway.

(if your other child was a baby) you would still have to field endless demands for pretend-play from your toddler, BUT you would also have to try and do it while simultaneously feeding and changing a screaming baby.

(if you had twins or siblings very close together) they would play together "nicely" (complete with talking toys) for about 30 seconds, then they would start quarreling, fighting for your attention, "Mummy she took MY doll! Mummy, TELL HER!!!!" hitting each other over the head with toys etc. Which would be 10x harder to deal with, trust me.

Have another child if you want one, not because you are under the false illusion that a sibling is going to get rid of the problem that you are describing here. If you want to stop spending hours on end being nagged into pretend-play, stick your kid in nursery and get a part-time job.

singlemominaus · 10/08/2018 05:20

@AjasLipstick this made me laugh a lot! Faufages GrinMy mom invented characters like this for us too when we were kids and made us laugh so much! I think it will make for a gorgeous story when she grows up.

tolotiwowa · 10/08/2018 06:05

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bonnyblithe · 10/08/2018 06:41

10minutes is fine since you aren’t popping her into a box and ignoring her for the rest of the day.

You could try that, though.

Also I went to Leeds uni so maybe that makes it easier for me. 😂

PositiveVibez · 10/08/2018 06:57

I'm a vegan and I love these games
😂😂

I'm a pescitarian, heterosexual with bunions and these games are my fave.

Armadillostoes · 10/08/2018 07:02

Sorry to say this OP but I am the only child of a mother who didn't like to play with me. I realised this early on and it did have an impact on our relationship and my self-confidence. You obviously care deeply and clearly do play with your DD. Carry on playing the game she loves and try not to let your feelings show.

MarmaLaid · 10/08/2018 07:09

My lovely daughter has loved this game since about 3. Now she is 4 going on 5 and oh boy has the game advanced! She now gives me like 8 characters while she has 1 bit part, meanwhile she is giving Steven Spielberg a run for his money and directing the hell out of me!

GeorgeIII · 10/08/2018 07:21

What’s interesting is that it’s just girls who want to play this.
I had 2 girls and the younger was either too young to join in properly or the older was at school.

BertrandRussell · 10/08/2018 07:36

I think it's cause and effect though-it's been shown that people play these sort of games with girl babies much more than with boys. Rot the record, the child who wanted to know what the clouds were saying was my son!

SoyDora · 10/08/2018 07:40

My 4 year old DD hates this sort of game.

wizzywig · 10/08/2018 07:43

See this is one positive of having ASD kids. Functional play. None of this pretending to be someone else

wafflyversatile · 10/08/2018 08:04

What I hate about these games is you can't use your own imagination. No waffly. You say this. Now say this.

junebirthdaygirl · 10/08/2018 08:35

Hate to spoil it for those who think they will never have to do it again. I am a gm and my darling gd had me play this for hours. As a gm its more difficult to say no as you are a visitor and dm is gone out and you want to keep her happy.
I am an extravert/ played it with my own/ taught that age group for centuries and yet absolutely hate it after 10 mins.
So roll on to being grandmas..its going to get you again!!

Laiste · 10/08/2018 08:48

Oh yes to what pp said about suddenly finding you're playing lots of very dynamic parts and DD is doing only 1!

Yesterday, i ended up as :
The Troll,
The Princess,
The Rat; driving the (sylvanian army) getaway car,
and
Bob the Builder; in the (ben and holly) helicopter.
all at once.

DD was:
The Princess's Best Mate.

DD was very enthusiastic about the game, but it seemed to me that PBM mostly just sat up on the edge of the cliff (bed) laughing and watching the rescue Hmm

puppymouse · 10/08/2018 08:52

Exactly the same here OP. Luckily it is DH who gets asked to make the toys talk but the endless stream of imagination games and pretend play interactions have me reaching for a blanket to hide under.

I try to pro-actively manage it to stop me losing the will to live.

I try to keep us out and about and busy as much as possible when I'm looking after her, I set aside a specific time to play and manage her expectations that after that time we'll do x (usually something that will allow me to recharge a bit) and I encourage her to play structured things like puzzles, drawing, a game etc, which I can manage better. It usually works.

I also think it's ok to say no sometimes. I think it's fine for a child that's got attention and engagement from parents as standard to hear a "no, mummy doesn't want to play that at the moment. Why don't we do xxx."

Ignoramusgiganticus · 10/08/2018 08:53

Dd got played with for hours because she was my first child and I didn't mind baby and tea party pretend play. Poor second ds got the short straw because he was number two and I'd been there and done that, and I had no interest in cars and castles etc which is what he wanted to play. Poor ds.

Racecardriver · 10/08/2018 08:59

Surely at three she can entertain herself. I am also very introverted. It's one thing to have an sfilt conversation about something you are actually interested in but these kinds of games drive me mad. I ultimately refused to do anything like this instead encouraged mine to play their own games or I could read a book for them instead. By two and a half they were both perfectly capable of entertaining themselves unless they wanted a book read to them but would go off by themselves if I said I was busy. It's blissful. The eldest doesn't even ask me to lay games (unless it's an actual game like cards or chess) anymore. It's wonderful. You are an adult. There is no reason why you have to play every ridiculous game your child demands.

Racecardriver · 10/08/2018 09:05

That said I do still have to listen to plastic sdiers giving each other orders which is a torture of its iwm sorts. Does wonders for the imagination though. My sons best friend at the moment is a loo roll. I'm just grateful it's not me.

WilburIsSomePig · 10/08/2018 09:07

Sorry to be a bit dim but what does NFP mean? I did Google but didn't find anything.

WhipItGood · 10/08/2018 09:09

I think there are things about being a parent that secretly grate for all sorts of reasons, whether you’re an introvert or not, but that’s how it goes. If your Dd loves it then just play the game for a little while then distract her with something else.

I suppose I would be classed as an introvert for want of a better word. But I had 3 dc and also do a job that puts me in front of the public. I can’t use it as a reason to opt out of engaging with anyone.

puppymouse · 10/08/2018 09:11

@Racecardriver "My sons best friend at the moment is a loo roll. I'm just grateful it's not me."GrinGrin

proudestofmums · 10/08/2018 09:12

I do so agree about the life skills. I was an only child who didnt have a very hands on female parent. (Sorry - cant use the other word - that’s for the Stately Homes thread) and whilst that had disadvantages - mainly having the sole emotional burden when they aged - the biggest advantage they gave me was happiness in my own company. I never mind being alone. In fact I find I need to be alone some of each day. So if I outlive OH, whilst naturally I’ll miss him desperately, being alone will be OK (as opposed to being without him, IYSWIM)

Gojira · 10/08/2018 09:17

I hate doing this too - except we have to do it with cars (who also talk) Hmm

We have progressed to acting out various stories - Little Red Riding Hood, 3 Little Pigs etc which is definitely more fun than role play with cars!

However we all have our designated roles and we are not allowed to change under any circumstances. Child is LRRH, Dad interchanges between Grandmother and the wolf and I play LRRH's father who chops the wolf up at the end.

I can still only manage half an hour tops though.