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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD's favourite game and thing to do with me is the game I detest! AIBU to not play it with her when she is an only child..

113 replies

PeppyPiggy · 09/08/2018 11:52

My DD's an only child, turning 3 in October.

Her favourite game and thing to do, for a long time now, is to take her toys and say "mummy make them talk", I then make the toys into characters with little voices. It's very sweet and I understand why she loves to play this game the most. I am a very introverted personality type (INFP) anyone who understands introversion properly will understand why I can't play a game like that all day :( ..It drains me and I find it really hard work. My brother is also very introverted, he is great with my DD and chatting with her, He is super creative and smart! He went to Cambridge and yet he even can't hack more than ten minutes of the "make the toys talk game" It's incredibly draining for us. I will always try to introduce something new, reading, building, art ..But DD knows what she wants.

AIBU to play DD's game for a limited time of ten mins and then say enough? The game is clearly a good one for development and makes her happy and I hate that I get so drained by it.. Wish she had siblings

OP posts:
Jackieyoulooknice · 09/08/2018 13:31

I'm a vegan and I love these games.

KurriKurri · 09/08/2018 13:32

I think many kids love this game (siblings or not - so don't beat yourself up that she doesn't have siblings). And a lot of things kids find fascinating adults find pretty dull - (when they start droning on for hours about some cards they collect and you have to pretend enthusiasm and interest for instance Grin) I knew a little girl who wanted to endlessly demonstrate dance routines she had devised to me (and she would go wrong and have to go back to the beginning) - I couldn;t be less interested in dance routines.

With the toys, I would plan in advance a few things that will pass the time but don't invlolve you inventing soft toy chatter for hours. Say one of the toys has decided to read a story to the other toys and just read that in a 'toy' voice. I used to get my DD involved in making stuff for the toys (Passports because they decided they wanted to go on holiday, then they can pack a little suitcase and you can make tickets and pretend to be on a plane and all that stuff. The toys can practise the safety routine.

Pretend you are in a restaurant sit on the floor with all the toys and your DD can be the waitress - find her a little pad to scribble orders on - then you can go round each toy and they decide what they want to order from the menu. (one of them can be awkward and keep changing his mind - my DD used to find this kind of stuff hilarious) .
If you find it hard to make up the toy chat - thinking up situations and just going through all the processes involved in that will create will provide it's own chat (teacher and school settings are popular, shopping,picnics, (provide a few snacks, feed the toys) going to a movie (sit them all round, stick a DVD on) anything you can think of. Once you get into the swing of it you'll probably overcome your inhibitions. IME toys misbehaving and being awkward and arguing are cause for much giggling. Smile

Cath2907 · 09/08/2018 13:34

I am an extrovert and the "do the voices game" does my head in. We put a timer on up front and my 7 year old is well aware that we change game when the 15 mins is up. Any more than that and my brains go mushy and run out of my ears (and yes I tell her that, she thinks it is funy!)

Doremisofarsogood · 09/08/2018 13:45

My DD is just 5 and loves all these pretend games - I always do it wrong, god forbid I try to improvise a bit, I just get "mummy that's not the right way" but I just laugh and let her get on with it. After a while I'll suggest doing something else less head-frying and she's usually happy to have a change. She's an only child too, well she has a half-brother aged 15 who's with us every other weekend but even if he was here more often he would have zero interest in playing like this! She's pretty happy playing on her own too although when I'm with her I like to indulge her because well, what's the point of having kids if you don't want to spend time with them!

purpleweasel · 09/08/2018 13:47

Adding this game to the list of things I won't start with mine (in the hopes they won't discover it themselves??)

PolkaHots · 09/08/2018 13:48

Jackieyoulooknice

Grin
LemonysSnicket · 09/08/2018 13:59

I'm a massive extrovert and would hate doing that too...

mostimproved · 09/08/2018 14:00

I don't think having a sibling would make a difference - at different ages they would like different things, and sometimes with these sorts of games it is the adult interaction they enjoy as other children don't tend to be as good at doing funny voices and making them laugh as adults are. My DS is 7 and still insists I play 'cars and trucks' which means rolling toy cars around rescuing playmobil people, but when he has play dates they play outside or with Pokemon cards etc, and he wouldn't be seen dead playing cars and trucks with his friends! So I don't think it's really anything to do with being an only child or something that can be replaced by having more play dates, as it's the interaction with her mum that she is looking for.

No one likes it regardless of personality type, and yes I think having a time limit is sensible but then suggest something else to do rather than going off and doing something else, so she doesn't feel like you don't want to play with her at all.

Pemba · 09/08/2018 14:01

Oh I really used to like doing this and find it fun wonders what is wrong with me but I agree it would probably get tedious after hours. I am quite shy too, wouldn't do it out in public, but at home with your child and to please your child, I can't see the problem?

cariadlet · 09/08/2018 14:01

My dd had quite a few baby dolls when she was little and her favourite thing was pretend play with them. She was always herself and I had to do all of the voices.

But I also had to remember all their different personalities, likes and dislikes and every storyline we'd made up (because these could be referred back to at any moment).

Then she realised that we could play the game when the babies weren't even with us so we could be walking home from school or sitting at the bus stop and that didn't have to stop us.

It was fun for me for about half an hour, but after that I began to lose the will to live. I had to keep telling myself "You'll miss this when she doesn't want to do it any more."

She didn't grow out of it until she was about 11! And yes, now that she's 15 and permanently glued to her phone I do miss it.

mostimproved · 09/08/2018 14:04

Sorry just re-read and saw that you do try to introduce something new - maybe at that point give it another five minutes and then say the toys need to go for a nap or something and put them to 'sleep' so that way it's the toys' ending the game and not you!

ShovingLeopard · 09/08/2018 14:20

I'm not quite sure why OP is getting a bashing for wondering if the feeling of tedium might be related to her introversion, as if that's a big faux pas.

I've never heard a supposed ‘extrovert’ announce that they’re an extrovert and use it to try and excuse their behaviours in the way that ‘introverts’ do. It’s very odd.

Probably because extroverts wouldn't possess the necessary skills of self-reflection to even think of the question..... Wink Grin

Anyway, OP, I am an ambivert, and an Oxbridge grad, and this kind of play makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Unbelievably tedious and draining. But I suck it up for DD in the hope she'll learn to do it for herself before long. Just time limit it for your own sanity!

thisonebreath · 09/08/2018 14:24

I'm an extrovert and this game always made me want to boil my head. My DDs also always wanted to play schools...I'm a teacher. 😒

Wait till she starts performing 'shows' that just meander on with no end (or point) in sight. 😁

RomanyRoots · 09/08/2018 14:29

I think 10 mins is fine and then get her to do it, tell her how easy it is and I bet you can do it funnier than me etc....

youarenotkiddingme · 09/08/2018 14:30

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be free entertainment for your child constantly!

They need to learn to interact with others (so arrange opportunities for that) and also need to learn to entertain themselves and create self satisfying activities. It's the best life skill you can give her.

My ds is a teen now and I've seen so many of his peers who constantly had material inputs (so trips out, toys bought, drinks ferried to them on request!) struggle the transition to secondary and independence. The minute someone isn't entertaining them or providing financial input for entertainment they can't cope and behave appallingly.

I'd find a shared interest for you Jorge to do together once a well as that creates a strong bond.

thecatsthecats · 09/08/2018 14:31

MrsPreston

I'm INTJ and I agree. I expect parenthood will come with all sorts of challenges to introversion, but a flouncy 'I'm an introvert so I can't play this game very long' is acting in a weirdly primadonna fashion about the parenting of your own bloody child!

Hell, I don't want to play with my cats every evening, or cuddle them when I'm trying to drink a cup of tea or eat my dinner. I still do it for them because they need it from me, and I don't even share any DNA with them.

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2018 14:34

I'm not quite sure why OP is getting a bashing for wondering if the feeling of tedium might be related to her introversion, as if that's a big faux pas.

She's not wondering, she's stating it as fact.

BertrandRussell · 09/08/2018 14:39

“ve never heard a supposed ‘extrovert’ announce that they’re an extrovert and use it to try and excuse their behaviours in the way that ‘introverts’ do. It’s very odd.

Probably because extroverts wouldn't possess the necessary skills of self-reflection to even think of the question...”

I know you’re joking, but I bet there are plenty of people nodding and saying “Yes- that’s exactly how it is- how very true”

Andthatswhatitsallabout · 09/08/2018 14:45

I absolutely loved make believe as a child! I really enjoy this with my dcs. They have finally started to play together and it's really sweet so they don't really involve me anymore or maybe I was shite at it....
Totally get that it's not for everyone, if you are creative or just as something else to do you could make little houses for the figures together or draw where they are. My dc love doing little comic strips to tie in with their imaginave play.
I think particularly as your dc is an only child it would be nice to play along as much as you can manage. I would have loved this special attention as a child, think it does wonders!
Best of luck OP, there's always the evening to decompress.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 09/08/2018 14:49

I didn't mind this one so much - I would also use it to my advantage - "What did you say Teddy? You are sad because DD hasn't picked her toys up? Maybe if you ask her to do it she will." etc

The games couldn't stand involved sitting on the floor acting out scenarios with Barbie or with knights and castles or cars or farm animals.

My husband could do that for ages but my mind would go blank.

popocatepetals · 09/08/2018 14:54

Stick it out for the 10 minutes you can stand, and then say "Mummy is busy now, Big Teddy (or other large cuddly toy of choice) is going to pretend to be mummy for a bit, aren't you Teddy?"

And then go off into another room. Hopefully, she will then have to be Teddy's 'voice' for him.

Laiste · 09/08/2018 14:58

Ah this game. DD4 wants to play this game from morning till night! Even in the car when i’m driving and there are no toys!
What’s the car next to us staying mummy?
Erm ooh let’s go!
Now what’s it saying mummy?
Err yay the lights have change!
What’s our car saying mummy?
Sigh. Oh .... yay ..... err wheeeeee we’re off.
And the lorry?
I don’t know he’s too big.
Why is he too big mummy?
Because he is. Let’s put the radio on.
......

Does our car like the music mummy? What’s it saying?

Aaaarrrgghhh !

Jackieyoulooknice · 09/08/2018 17:24

I kind of feel like you need to just suck it up and play with her for longer than 10 minutes. Yes you might not enjoy it, I don't enjoy night feeds but still had to do them. She enjoys them and will learn from them.

Also I went to Leeds uni so maybe that makes it easier for me.

RaspberryRipple1963 · 09/08/2018 17:36

I totally get this. Like you OP,I am a pretty introverted and reserved person and I used to hate it when my DD (now 35) used to want me to play similar games with her,especially in a public place! Blush I too used to find it draining after about the first 10 minutes. I was far happier reading to her,or playing a board game,or just doing stuff like cooking,or taking her for a trip on the underground (she loved trains!). Then I had the same issue all over again with my DGD,who's now nearly 12,and thankfully grown out of the 'talking dollies' phase.

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