Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Stalking?

58 replies

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 07:58

Bit of a strange one and namechanged on the off chance his partner or family use this.

I had a hairdressers appointment at a new salon 3 months ago for my birthday. It was a full head of colour (bleach) and toning. The hairdresser did not put anything on my scalp (oils etc) to protect it before applying bleach. Needless to say it was horrifically burnt and bleeding when I got home. I got a full refund after 2 or 3 days which was good. I also had wonderful thick hair but the burns on my scalp made it all fall out so it’s thinning so badly now with a fair few baldness patches.

I am still suffering and am waiting for medical check up on it as it’s fairly hard to get an appointment just for your scalp! I hadn’t washed my hair for two days prior like usual when bleaching it so it should have been fine. Clearly the bleach was too strong or something. I have dyed/bleached my hair multiple times over the past 20 years and this has never happened. I am considering sueing if there is permanent damage and made them aware of that when I asked for the refund. My hair is a very important feature to me and all of this could have been easily avoided if the hairdresser had proper training.

I run a successful visual arts business and am very well known with people my age in my community and other cities. I have an Instagram where I showcase my work and I posted a story on there the other day (which I rarely every do). I usually look once or twice to skim through who’s seen it as my profile is public. Low and behold the hairdresser had found my instagram and watched the story. I screenshotted it just incase. He doesn’t follow me so will have to be going out of his way to look at my profile each day.

I posted another item on my story today to test my theory that he is stalking me and obviously can’t let go of some hard feelings as he may of been fired after the incident as it was really serious. He watched it and I’m really unsure about what he is expecting to find? Me slagging him off? I didn’t even leave a bad review, it’s a waste of my time. I’m also bewildered that he’s stupid enough to think I can’t tell he’s looking at it. Or maybe he wants me to see that he’s watching what I’m doing? AIBU or is this mild stalking? Should I inform the salon of his behaviour? It’s a bit excessive to be looking 3 months after you have had an incident with the client!

OP posts:

EdithWeston · 09/08/2018 08:03

No, this is not stalking.

This is someone (who knows you might sue them) monitoring your public social media. It's normal, prudent, and may have been advised by the firm's solicitor.

If you don't want the whole world to see your story, post only to friends.

Original poster

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 08:05

Why would their solicitor advise he look at my business profile’s story every single day on Instagram?

OP posts:

Original poster

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 08:08

And I can block him, not change my story settings as it is a business account. But I want to see how far he is going to take it. I presume he is going to be looking every day for quite some time. He burnt my scalp beyond repair and has potentionally damaged me for life. I’m pretty certain even if I did post ‘oh someone ruined my scalp’ I could still sue, especially if I didn’t mention names. After all it did happen to me? But I haven’t shared it with anyone only my family know as it’s also fairly degrading to lose of lot of your best feature!

OP posts:

BlindedByYourGrey · 09/08/2018 08:09

It’s not stalking. At all.

Original poster

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 08:10

So going out of your day to go into the search bar, find someone’s profile and look at what item they have posted on their story every single day isn’t even mild stalking? Okay then... I now see why the stalking laws are as flimsy as they are!

OP posts:

Original poster

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 08:13

A few images of the burns to iterate the seriousness of the situation and the fact that he should probably be leaving my social media alone! There were about 50 of these all over my scalp

OP posts:

Strongmummy · 09/08/2018 08:13

I would imagine he’s paranoid about what you may do , eg sue, and his anxiety is making him check. Is it stalking? No more than me looking up the Facebook profiles of ex boyfriends to see what they’re up to coz I’m nosey!!!!

He’s not actually done anything wrong, but if he starts to threaten you then, yes, the salon needs to know.

It sounds like you are overly anxious about this too so try and put things into proportion

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 09/08/2018 08:14

It’s a bit odd. Maybe he feels guilty / is worried that you’re going to sue and is looking for signs of what your hair looks like now.

MairyHole · 09/08/2018 08:14

He may just be upset and looking because he hopes your hair has grown back, or he might doubt it was as bad as you said it was. Either way, looking at someone's public social media and doing nothing else cannot be stalking, or most people are guilty of it! This sounds really upsetting for you and I would keep evidence of any further interaction, but I wouldn't assume there is a sinister motive here on the basis of what you've said.

multiplemum3 · 09/08/2018 08:14

What happened is awful but you're very over dramatic aren't you, he's probably just checking you aren't writing about him online. This really isn't stalking

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 09/08/2018 08:14

I’m really sorry about your hair btw. Will it ever grow back to its former glory?

EdithWeston · 09/08/2018 08:15

Put yourself in their shoes. You are (possibly) about to be sued by a client, and you know that you were culpable. And you know there could be an element in the total figure awarded to cover loss/expenses arising from the injury.

There are enough dishonest people out there that it has become standard - even when there is no reason whatsoever to suspect the individual - that monitoring to check there are no inconsistencies is normal (the old 'bed-bound with back injury but out clubbing' chestnut)

Looking at someone's open social media accounts is not stalking.

Original poster

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 08:15

I also made the firm point that I am considering sueing as they are a very small business and would more than likely have to close if I took them to court! I doubt they will be getting legal advise at this point 3 months on when I have made no contact with them. Yes they probably ruined my life as I am a model but it’s not worth them losing their whole livelihood

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 08:16

When you post publicly available information online, someone looking at that information - because it interests them, even if for no other reason - is not 'stalking' you. No.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 09/08/2018 08:17

You have my full sympathy for everything that you've been through - it must have been awful, and of course it's still ongoing.

That said, I'm not convinced there's anything particularly untoward going on here. He knows he's really fucked up, with life changing effects for you, and potentially he may have been fired as well. It's natural, whether prudent or not, for him to keep half am eye on your social media to see what you may be saying about the incident. If he has been checking daily for 3 months, then that would be worrying, but its quite likely that your post coincided with a periodic check, or that news of the post came back to him through the grapevine and he's gone to look.
And after he'd seen the post I'd be more surprised if he wasn't checking your account for a few days afterwards, to see responses, whether there are any further posts etc.

nicebitofquiche · 09/08/2018 08:17

He's just worried about what you are going to say and because of what he did he's right to be worried. It's really not stalking.

icelollycraving · 09/08/2018 08:17

I would say he is being prudent in looking at someone who wants to pursue his business. Certainly not stalking. I had a colleague stalked and eventually murdered by him. Someone viewing Instagram? Not so much.

Oopsmeagain · 09/08/2018 08:18

Certainly not stalking. He has looked at your public profile, that is it. Nothing else you have mentioned.

Why would you think that is stalking?

SilverHairedCat · 09/08/2018 08:19

You are posting into the public domain. Perhaps they just like your artwork.

As for the burns, if they ard as severe as you describe, I can't understand why you haven't started legal proceedings already. You don't need permanent damage to be proven if you have quality of life effects and burns in the interim. Negligence claims are what insurance is for n

Singlenotsingle · 09/08/2018 08:19

OP, don't ask for people's opinions if you're going to argue with them about it. It's not stalking. Be told. You have a public Instagram account open to the public to see and he is entitled to see it if he wants to. He isn't using it to threaten you, is he? You probably would have a good p/I claim against him and maybe he's just worried.

Strongmummy · 09/08/2018 08:19

@crimson, I’m sorry this has happened to you, but they have not “ruined your life.” If they’d cut off your legs, thrown acid into your eyes or paralysed you then maybe yes you could throw out that term. You need to get some perspective on this situation otherwise your anxiety will build and will not help your mental health.

Original poster

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 08:19

I suppose he could be trying to look for my hair but it’s a bit of a dead end on an account full of gig photos and photo shoots of celebs. Well maybe he is also just looking at my work who knows. I have had issues with stalking before that haven’t been taking seriously so I think I’m probably overreacting. Thank you for the advise! I will keep a record of it incase it turns sinister but at this point I doubt I will be taking them to court. It seems like too much for them and I’m hoping my hair will grow back to how it was before. I’ve not noticed it get any thicker but it’s definitely longer so that’s a start!

OP posts:

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 09/08/2018 08:21

Is it the realisation that you can be tracked down online that has made you anxious?

ZoeWashburne · 09/08/2018 08:24

Your first mistake was saying you were going to sue without actually thinking it all through/ discussing it with a solicitor. That is always a dumb move. It is like announcing you are thinking about a divorce before you take stock of your financial situation. This gives them chances to gather more evidence and monitor your situation. They are screenshotting, because in the UK there are no "pain and suffering" compensation in suing someone. You have to show genuine losses. So, for example, you were out of work for 3 weeks and because you are not salaried you loss 3 weeks worth of work. Or that your hair was essential to your business and therefore you had to wait for it to grow back to perform your work. They are screenshotting your posts because it is showing that you are working, and therefore cannot claim that you have been out of work for months.

Before you sue someone you need to think of the actual, measurable damages you suffered that can be quantified (I was in pain so had to withdraw from X event that was going to pay me £Y). And not punitive damages (ie: he should pay me because he made my scalp bleed).

They were probably told by a solicitor that they should start evidence gathering.

Original poster

CrimsonSkies · 09/08/2018 08:25

I know someone well known on Instagram almost got attacked the other day in a restaurant because they put their location on their story! Not a smart thing to do but sometimes it can happen on Instagram. I have no experience with having to sue so am unsure about negligence claims. Is it too late to claim negligence if the wounds have mostly healed?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3