to think that being a bridesmaid to a high maintenance bride is actually really shit?

[WhatToDoToday6]

Just that really... I've never wasted so much time, money and energy in my life!

DeadRinger
not that hard, you pay for the dress and pick the general colour and style but take the bridesmaid's opinon on board

You'd think.
I said they were free to chose anything within a broad style and colour, didn't have to match, could be already in their wardrobe. They had months of deliveries and trying on, all liking each other's better. Bridesmaid 3 is pretty well off and had several she could wear already in her wardrobe.
Sensing they were getting fed up, I chose one I liked which Bridesmaid 2 said she loved and would wear, so I paid for it.
But Bridesmaid 3 also liked it, ordered it, paid for it herself and claimed it as hers.
So Bridesmaid 1 then said she'd really like it too so I bought hers although she had kept hold of two other dresses she also liked.
But now Bridesmaid 3 has changed her mind and Bridesmaid 1 wants one of her other choices. The dresses are all out of return time.

And so it goes on.
I can ask that BM 1&2 wear the dress I paid for but not BM 3. But it seems nuts paying for her dress and demanding she wear it when she actually wants to wear one she already has.

I'm going to have to buy very neutral flowers.

SheWoreBlueVelvet Dear god in heaven?! How old are these women? Are they actually your friends? I'd sack the lot of 'em! Seriously, though, don't alter flowers or anything else on account of some spoilt women. Who clearly are not your friends.

SheWoreBlueVelvet

They are taking the piss. If you have bought them dresses which they have chosen not to wear and you can't return them, they should pay you back.

But if all three of them own a matching dress which you have paid for, I would my foot down and say you want them to wear at, at least until the photos are over, and then if they want to change into something else afterwards, that's up to them.

Ha ha. They are genuinely lovely women in reality.

I think they are more into the '"idea" of a wedding than I first thought especially BM 1&3 .And I know it comes from a place of wanting to look nice for me as well.

Yes, will have to be more assertive and just consider it tradition that bridesmaids hardly ever love their dresses.

Yeah but it's not as if you have bought them all something they hate. B2 loved it, and then afterwards B1 and B3 each bought it of their own free will.

I think you would be totally justified in asking them to wear it, at least until the photos are over, so everyone fits in with your theme and flowers. They can always change before dinner.

This might be slightly outy, but when I was trying to find dresses for my bridesmaids I was talking to another friend (not one of my bridesmaids), and she showed me one she and five other bridesmaids were required to wear once.

Not only was it the ugliest effing thing I've ever seen (to quote the Queen of the Plastics), but they all had to pay for their own. It was like the yellow ballgown Belle wears in Beauty and the Beast, only mid thigh length.

I said at least if she ever needs a Halloween costume, she can go as "Slutty Belle".

Tokyo

Probably deliberate so that none of them could possibly outline the bride . . .

*outshine, not outline

I honestly wouldn't be a bridesmaid for someone who insisted on putting me in something so awful. That's just not Something a good friend/sister does.

I was going to say it's difficult for a bridesmaid to outshine a bride, but then again look at Pippa Middleton

This is why some people - me included - can't understand the medium/big wedding thing.

Too much money, too much stress, too much hassle.

Expensive hen and stag do's

Fallings out with family and friends over style, guest lists, catering, location etc.

And what is all for? a year and maybe more planning just for one day.

Bonkers!

My BM was also due to be a BM for someone else the same summer. I asked first, and she asked later with a date that was the day after a significant date (this becomes important).

My BMs were local mutual friends and agreements over choosing dresses, a local hen night and hair were all pretty easy. It took just a few sessions to choose and fit dresses etc. A lot of the trimmings were homemade and they opted to have some involvement with parts of that, no expectation. We all remain good friends. The only stress was that one BM became pregnant and grew out of the dress in the final days before the wedding. She managed to do a DIY alteration, otherwise I said to get something comfortable that complimented the original dresses.

Meanwhile my BM was being run ragged by her other bride. Dress colours were changed around. Multiple hair trials all over. Having to attend meetings for flowers etc. Refused to allow BM to have her partner over at the pre-wedding meal even though it was an important date known to the bride. The hen and stags were different weekends and BM was summoned to keep bride company on a night out during the stag (in addition to the hen). Family members then started ridiculing BM's partner and a row errupted when she called them out on it. Apparently BM was not sufficiently interested in bride's wedding and was too preoccupied with mine, and was sacked and uninvited from the wedding with a few weeks to go. Naturally that was the end of the friendship. The wedding went ahead but the husband had enough and left after about 18 months.

When you list what a Bridezilla inflicts on their BM/victim, it sounds ridiculous in hindsight, but it does drip up until you are so far down the road that there is little chance of stepping aside with an amicable ending. They don't announce in advance the level of time and financial commitment they expect beyond normal boundaries, and it's hard to see until you are in too deep.

But why? Why do the bridesmaids have to commit to so much involvement? All these stories are just crazy. It cannot ever be worth it for one day!

Before I was planning my own wedding I didn't really understand what bridesmaids were for other than to plan your hen do and help you go to the loo in your wedding dress. But I asked my two best friends to be my bridesmaids anyway.

I now realise what a big time commitment it is.

I don't think I have been a bridezilla, but they both traipsed around the shops and spent loads of time ordering things online and sending them back again before we found a dress we all liked. (I live abroad so they had to take the lead on that.) One of my bridesmaids is now trying to find ties for the groomsmen that match the bridesmaids' dresses because they have the dresses and I don't have a sample of the fabric to take round the shops with me. They are now planning my hen do together.

I have tried to be as relaxed as possible about everything and in particular to pay for things so they don't end up spending too much money for me. But the time they have both spent on this even with me being (I think) pretty undemanding is quite an eye opener.

I can completely see how being a bridesmaid to a bridezilla would be emotionally and financially exhausting. It sounds like hell.

Look at it this way, pet the groomsmen's ties don't have to match the bridesmaids' dresses and no one will notice if they don't

We would like something to mark them out as being part of the wedding party (not least because they will be helping everyone get from the church to the venue).

I'm a bridesmaid very soon but the nearer it's got to the wedding the more I've had to bite my tongue not to tell the bride to just fuck off.
All started off fairly normal but Bridezilla soon emerged, if I added up all the time and money I've spent on this wedding I really would cry.

All came to a head on/ just after the hen weekend and I was so, so tempted to resign from my role and have nothing to do with the bride ever again
Tempted to stick my tongue out in all the wedding photos instead

What happened on the hen weekend?