to think that being a bridesmaid to a high maintenance bride is actually really shit?

[WhatToDoToday6]

Just that really... I've never wasted so much time, money and energy in my life!

Super low budget too

@WhatToDoToday6 Please could you DM me with the windmill as well? It sounds ideal! Not that I'll need it for 2-3 years

Dobby you're planning a wedding 2-3 years hence?!

Yes, I'm not exactly well off and I don't have any family that can help pay for it.

How do you know how you'll feel in 2-3 years time?

I always thought the deal was that if the bride chooses dresses - bride pays?

I was a bridesmaid once at 11 and hated it. I hate weddings too and avoid them if at all possible.

How do you know how you'll feel in 2-3 years time?

I've lived with my DP for more than 5 years scrimped and saved and with a little help from a redundancy package from my last job bought our first house this year (resetting our savings to precisely nil) so I'm pretty sure we're solid. Unless you think I'll go off windmills?

If you have spent under £500 that sounds cheap to me especially as you mention London. My daughter has been a bridesmaid 4 times and yes the costs do rack up even if the bride is a sweetheart.

@DobbyisFREE I got engaged a long time ago, this wedding is a long time coming. Stuff just happened and we couldn't afford to get married. Even this fairly small lowkey wedding which isn't too expensive makes a dent! Some people just aren't that well off so totally get having to save and planning in advance! I know people who married after 8/9 years of being engaged. As long as you are happy consider it as 3 years to look forward to marrying the person you love

@Roystonv really? Honestly, my bridesmaid isn't paying a penny other than her flights from the states but she's making a holiday out of it and we alternate visits every year anyway so we made sure her visit coincided with the wedding. Other than this I am paying for whatever dress she chooses, I've told her to wear any shoes, have her hair and makeup as usual as she always looks lovely, paid for accommodation, and I've bought her a locket to say thank you. I can't believe it costs so much. I would be mortified if my bridesmaid(s) had spent £500 on my wedding! Maybe this is the norm but it's definitely not right if it is...

despite what @derxa said, I think your windmill location sounds awesome! :)

For her behaviour I would wind her up. Point out she doesn't have thrones like the Beckhams, or doesn't have two dresses like meghan markle, or it's not being held in a castle like another wedding you went to, such a shame as castles are so in right now and they look so much better. Just stuff like that, she wants the biggest and best wedding, make her pay for it.

Maybe I'm just evil, but then I would be if my friend made me wear a hideous yellow dress that I had to pay for myself..

I actually think some brides are unreasonable. I only had 2 bridesmaids - my 3 year old goddaughter and my best friend. BF chose the dress she liked that went with our colour scheme and we paid for her hair, makeup and shoes. We paid for my goddaughter's dress and hair and shoes and tights. My best friend had a bag of thank you gifts at the reception and little one had a bag of toys and colouring stuff to keep her busy.We paid for the best men and ushers suit hire and bought them gifts of cufflinks. My hen night was local and I paid for the food.

I was a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding and she gave me £100 towards a dress (which she wanted to be from Monsoon) and said I could pay the rest if it was more than that- of course it was. I also had to pay for my shoes and do my own hair and makeup.

Were you pregnant when she asked you to be a bridesmaid? All this cost may be her way of saying that she doesn't want a 6 month pregnant woman as a bridesmaid but can't just say that outright in case you get upset!

I gave my bridesmaid £50 towards a new dress AND told her to get whatever she liked so she could wear it again. She ended up borrowing a dress from her mum. Didn’t see my £50

No way should you have paid for all of that.

Ha ha Dobby! I meant you might go off the idea of a windmill, not your husband!

@Clionba Oh I see lol! To be honest I don't really mind too much where the wedding is, I see it as more of a day to get all our loved ones together and show them a good time. Everyone lives so far apart it almost never happens.

It was the number of people it sleeps and the tents that I liked the idea of, so everyone can stay together and not need to drive / pay for an expensive hotel. I do think windmills are gorgeous though and always have.

They do sound romantic! I hope the OP updates us down the line!!

Just a note about using loads of tea lights. They are lovely (not yuck, totally disagree), but be really careful about placing them on floors as long dresses especially can catch light from them, really not good. I saw this at an outdoor theatre production, the first performance nearly had to be stopped because long costumes were in serious danger of beg set alight where the actors were swishing past the candles on the floor. They all got moved up higher.

(I know, fire safety again, I have been a fire marshal for many years!)

shewore its not that hard, you pay for the dress and pick the general colour and style but take the bridesmaid's opinion on board. Op the dress should be paid for by the bride, in these circumstances i wouldn't be giving a gift, unless its some sort of very small thoughtful token gift. i agree with your op though, it sounds like a nightmare.

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and it's not an experience I'm keen to repeat. Don't get me wrong, am still best friends with the bride, she paid for the dress and shoes, hair and make-up was done by her aunt (a professional hairdresser and MUA) as her wedding present, but it still cost a fortune in terms of annual leave from work to go shopping, time for planning meetings, cost of hen do (£300 for a long weekend in a lodge, plus spending money), bridal shower, night before wedding and night of wedding in a hotel, and cost of bag, pashmina and jewellery (I didn't already own anything that would have gone with the dress and shoes). It probably cost me about £600 now I think about it, and I didn't even begrudge paying it because none of it seemed bridezilla-ish or crazy at the time.

I have only got one unmarried friend left that I might be asked to be a bridesmaid for (I hope there's only one at any rate!) and I've been putting money aside since their first anniversary of being boyfriend and girlfriend, just in case!

"a frocked up doll friend"

WhatToDoToday6 thank you! 1200 sounds like a bargain for a week! Alot of the accommodation we've seen is in the several thousands for 15+ ppl. There will be all of DHS siblings chipping in so 4 families in total and a few others if they want come The kids would love it! (And mIL of course!)

You are totally right and I would curb the spend now if you can, I would not expect presents from bridal party, it is the b&g job to buy them presents.
Please can I have the details of the windmill too?