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Original poster

To wonder why non religious people get their babies christened?

196 replies

Topsyshair · 08/08/2018 12:26

Before anyone gets very offended, I do realise that it's entirely up to the parents what they do.

I just wonder the reasoning behind it. I know a few people who are not religious at all, never set foot in a church unless to attend a wedding, yet have their babies christened.

What puzzles me more is some of these people claim to have no money and be very poor but pay for a christening do.

OP posts:
Bechetdiagnosed · 08/08/2018 15:23

Juells you are very ignorant. You clearly have no ideas what baptism means.

During the service the words 'Christ claims you as his own' are used. There's a big hint there!! Your child is baptised into the Christian faith. Whether your child chooses to continue to develop their faith in later life is up to the individual, but a baptism means you covert your child.

If a family does not want a baptism, them a thanks giving service would be more appropriate.

churchofenglandchristenings.org/for-parents/thanksgiving-service/

CraftyGin · 08/08/2018 15:26

Crafty - churches tend to do well out of the collection at a christening, as well as any donation that the parents might make

As a church warden, I would beg to differ. We categorically do not take in more money on baptism days, nor do our parents make donations beyond getting a baptism certificate (if they are not church family - I have never paid for a baptism certificate).

CraftyGin · 08/08/2018 15:28

But they're happy enough to consider everyone on the baptismal roll a member when it comes to justifying their seats in the Lords.

The Church of England doesn’t. Membership is via the Electoral Roll.

The RCC includes all baptised, lapse or not, as their membership, which is why the number of RCs is exaggerated.

Original poster
Topsyshair · 08/08/2018 15:32

Just to clarify, I'm not at all saying that there's any harm in a christening, that anyone is a hypocrite or anything else.

Was just genuinely interested to hear reasons, I've been invited to a christening soon soon and I do wonder why they are going to all the hassle when they're not at all religious.

But I understand all the reasons people have given.

It's the same with godparents though really, I know some people take it quite seriously, but loads of people seem to have godparents and it's seemingly meaningless.

I do tend to be a bit black and white about things but I can't see the point in it all half of the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Topsyshair · 08/08/2018 15:34

I'm much the same about weddings too so I'm probably just a miserable sod.

OP posts:
CheeseTheDay · 08/08/2018 15:41

Several of my friends, along with their respective partners, have all had their children christened, despite being agnostic. One of my friends summed it up by saying, "we're agnostic, but also cultural Christians, and I think it was the cultural thing that swung it for us." I do think it is a cultural thing for many people.

I have to say, that all these friends have fully understood the whole sacrament, and have been respectful of it, even if they're not believers. And I know they all selected godparents who actually are believers, to kind of 'rubber stamp' it, so to speak.

None of my atheist friends have had their children christened though.

NB: This reminds me, a couple of years ago, of the wife of one of DH's friends, who was most confused as to why DH turned down their invitation to be godfather to their son. DH explained that he's Jewish (and secular at that), and she didn't get the issue!! Confused

Powerless · 08/08/2018 15:48

So they can get drunk and make it allllll about them!

TamiTayorismyparentingguru · 08/08/2018 16:10

Cheese I think you might have hit the nail on the head as to why some people have an issue with non-believers undertaking a Christian ritual... you said that your friends all undertook the ritual with respect. That is definitely not the case every time and (for me anyway) the reason why I might be uncomfortable with it.

It reminds me of the wedding of my BIL & SIL - BIL was brought up in the church but has no personal faith, and church and faith play no part in his life now. SIL has no faith upbringing and would never claim a faith now. They wanted to get married in a church however. They did so, and made a mockery of the whole thing. They (along with SIL’s family), laughed and joked the whole way through the service - jokingly danced during the hymns (which had been chosen because they were the only ones they remembered from primary school assembly), giggles through the prayers and made faces/rolled eyes during the sermon.

I had zero issue with them getting married in a church until that point. After seeing the way they carried on, I did struggle with it more - there was no respect and I really wondered why they’d done it. (Esp since the registry office in their town is in a beautiful historical building, every bit of gorgeous as the church.)

For non-believers having their child baptised, there are many and varied reasons - as shown on this thread. Where there is respect for the traditions and for the faith which is being celebrated, then go ahead - where there is not however, then I have more of an issue with it.

(I’m not saying and many or a majority have no respect, but there certainly are some.)

campion · 08/08/2018 16:22

It's as much a cultural tradition and celebration of the new family member as it is anything religious. Clergy obviously would rather the promises were kept but aren't daft enough to think they always will be.
As long as people are respectful it should be a happy occasion all round.

Taking religion literally is when problems usually start.

Loonoon · 08/08/2018 16:28

Bechet - that’s the wording for C of E, other Christian denominations are available.

And seriously - do you really think that it constitutes a life long, unbreakable contract with Christ? If someone is baptised they can still grow up as a non-believer or decide to convert to another religion and many do. That Christ will somehow cling on to them and not them have their own thoughts?

I speak as a practicing Catholic who had DCs baptised because it was important that they grew up in a faith community. Their dad and I doing that back then in no way binds them to that faith for life. They will make their own choices and I will support them in that.

redexpat · 08/08/2018 16:49

Heres my reason: it was important to dh who is a believer. I couldnt care less.

LadysFingers · 08/08/2018 16:56

Marriage in church! Afaik, you can’t get married in church unless you have been christened! Maybe some parents want to keep their children’s future options open?

We never intended not to have the children christened; we just never seemed to have time! Now DS is getting christened, so he can get married in church next year. His fiancée is a Polish Catholic and the wedding will be in a Catholic Church in Poland! He also wants the GDC to go to church schools as he thinks it’s the right ethos (as does his fiancée!

PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2018 17:27

Marriage in church! Afaik, you can’t get married in church unless you have been christened!

This isn’t true for c of e churches and easily rectified if the church does happen to require baptism.

Bechetdiagnosed · 08/08/2018 17:35

Loonoon

And seriously - do you really think that it constitutes a life long, unbreakable contract with Christ? YES

As a practising Catholic, you too are ignorant to what it means, which surprises me as a catholic. Baptism is a sacrament. I suggest you google it!!!

Botanica · 08/08/2018 17:41

@TamiTayorismyparentingguru
Wow, that wedding would have really annoyed me too. So disrespectful.

Reminds me of the last christening I went to. There were people talking over the vicar and actually getting out of their seats and walking up to the front and in the aisle during the readings and prayers with their large clunky iPads trying to take photos and selfies....

MariaMadita · 08/08/2018 17:47

Emotional and spiritual attachment?

I'm not particularly active in my faith. DH and I did not even get married in church (for several reasons and we're preparing for our wedding...) but the religion and the culture around it still means a lot to me. Despite sometimes feeling like wringing the heads of certain old men!

Baptism is important for spiritual reasons but also because it's a milestone (imo). And a celebration and welcome for the new life!

I can't imagine not baptising the LO. It feels wrong on a fundamental level...

MariaMadita · 08/08/2018 17:51

So, to make it short:

In my case (DH cares less...) it's about religion, culture, the spiritual aspect of celebrating life together (as a family)...
And also about not disappointing my family. ;)

Would I still care this much if religion didn't matter to me?

Probably not. But as long as I didn't feel anti-religious? I'd probably still want to do it... (For the other reasons I mentioned.)

BitchQueen90 · 08/08/2018 17:52

I wonder this too to be honest. I'm atheist and never had DS christened. I was christened myself as a baby but I did not and would not have a church wedding.

When DS is older, if he wants to be christened then I will let him but I want anything relating to religion to be his decision.

Confusedbeetle · 08/08/2018 17:54

the same reason you and other celebrate Christmas which is is Jesus birthday

er no, it isnt. There was a midwinter festival before that. The Christians moved in on it

MariaMadita · 08/08/2018 18:03

Tbh Christmas has never been that religiously important in my family... I mean, I remember going to church, sure.

But it was fairly relaxed... Witch, saint nick, 3 kings, food, family, Christmas stories, jolly/drunk relatives etc. all wrapped up in one delightful season of celebration :)

Easter (and lent) however was serious business.

HectorlovesKiki · 08/08/2018 18:20

We got our DC christened because my mother was completely indoctrinated by the Catholic Church & thought that if a baby wasn't christened that they would never see sight of God but end up in purgatory to linger. It was to give my mother peace of mind. Also, if they want to marry in a church they can. But they didn't want to. I know it's the wrong reason to baptist but a lot of tragedy has tinged my mother's life, I thought I owed her this.

ADastardlyThing · 08/08/2018 18:23

I did it mainly to help DC get into a local school.

EndOfEternity · 08/08/2018 18:24

Sorry haven’t read whole thread yet,
In our case it would have been dye to badgering from grandparents. We’re atheists and have no desire to get DC christened but Granny has been nagging and crying about it fir years. We’ve requested and told her should DC decide to join a faith when older that’s their decision, not ours.

Clionba · 08/08/2018 18:26

Please read the whole thread! People are just repeating points now.....

TeachesOfPeaches · 08/08/2018 18:28

I've heard the phrase 'pray or pay' when it comes to schools

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