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Original poster

To wonder why non religious people get their babies christened?

196 replies

Topsyshair · 08/08/2018 12:26

Before anyone gets very offended, I do realise that it's entirely up to the parents what they do.

I just wonder the reasoning behind it. I know a few people who are not religious at all, never set foot in a church unless to attend a wedding, yet have their babies christened.

What puzzles me more is some of these people claim to have no money and be very poor but pay for a christening do.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/08/2018 13:46

Sandys post is a perfect example as to why any frustration with the system should be directly at the clergy. They’re the ones deciding to christen/ Marry non attenders

I was discussing this with the local vicar recently. They're obliged to christen and marry anyone who lives in the parish. It's often not a choice at all.

Juells · 08/08/2018 13:46

Gromance02

But why Christened? Why not another religion's ceremony if religion is important to some people?

Why not seek out some little-known religion from the other side of the globe? Why not fly in a guru? What about a shaman?

Why do you think?

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 08/08/2018 13:47

I actually don’t think it should be allowed... why are adults allowed to assign a religion to a child that has no clue what they are being indoctrinated into?

I’m an atheist and I encourage my kids to learn about religion (I’m pretty sure they’ve been every religion at some point whilst growing up!). When they are old enough, if they want to subscribe to a particular faith, that will be their choice, I won’t/don’t force my thoughts upon them.

I was christened as a child and I hate that fact now. I didn’t choose it... it was done to me. If I was given the choice as an adult no way would I be christened. Similarly I will not be married in a church.

Juells · 08/08/2018 13:47

I’ve always made it very clear to DD that what I believe is just that and she can choose her own path and if she wants to go to church I’ll facilitate that.

That's what you chose to do. I chose differently.

JacquesHammer · 08/08/2018 13:49

That's what you chose to do. I chose differently

That’s kind of my point. How can you say you’re not forcing beliefs on her when you’ve had her christened?

KoolAidPickle · 08/08/2018 13:49

I didn't want to take away my children's choice in the matter.

You forced lifetime membership of a church on your unable to consent children. That is literally the opposite of taking away their choice on the matter. You made the choice for them.

glintandglide · 08/08/2018 13:50

Ann you’re not obliged to christen - but marriage is trickier- in theory a CHurch of England is obliged to marry someone living within the parish because they are the route to a marriage contact (like registrars are) but in practise they can refuse, or agree with specific rules in place such as attendance for a certain amount of time or pre marriage classes.

My BF was rejected by a catholic priest just this week because he doesn’t approve of cohabitation. You’ve got to laugh.

CheeseYesPlease · 08/08/2018 13:50

Bertrand if my DC wants to be apart of a different religion when shes older or doesnt want to believe in anything at all that's her decision. After all its something we believe in. when shes older she could think it's just a bit of water spilt on her when she was a baby and a party afterwards. No need to "unbaptize" her 🤣

PopGoesTheWeaz · 08/08/2018 13:53

Who said that you can't get married in a church if you weren't christened?
I certainly didn't.
What happened was my friends wanted to get married in a small village church that is hard to book as is very popular with weddings. The vicar suggested they christen their DS too. He didn't say it outright, but he suggested that as they were non-resident, non-attendees, and DH was a vocal aetheist, that their chances of being allowed to wed in the church were better if they traded in DS's soul.

But every vicar will have his own rules, some might not even ask.

As for who would even want to marry in a church like that. Well, considering they were non believers, a lot of what the church says seems pretty ludicrous. They wanted to get married in the church for aesthetic, sentimental, family tradition and location reasons not because of the church's belief system and rules.

scarlettoftheseas · 08/08/2018 13:54

I'm not religious and neither is my family. DH is Christened but only really bothers at holidays, would describe him as agnostic. My MIL isn't every-Sunday religious but she does believe in God and is quite spiritual. We weren't bothered about getting our DC christened but my DH admitted it would make MIL and, deep down, him feel a tiny bit better in the event something happened to the DC. I was happy to since it doesn't affect my lack of belief.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 08/08/2018 13:55

If you find it pointless, you are not required to do it.

Clearly all the people that do do it don’t think it’s pointless, else they wouldn’t do it in the first place.

DH and I were married in a church despite us both being atheists because we wanted to. We loved the setting, it’s traditional, and I wouldn’t have felt truly, properly married if we hadn’t had a church ceremony.

Similarly, we will get our children christened for more or less the same reasons.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 08/08/2018 13:55

@CheeseYesPlease

I was that childcthat was christened and now hate it. It wasn’t a bit of water splashed on me, it was a ritual done to me without my consent to subscribe me to a life of believing in something against my will. I cannot tell you how much it irritates me, I may be being irrational... but the fact remains that I feel this should not have been done to me. I couldn’t wish for a clearer divide between myself and organised religion.

Firesuit · 08/08/2018 13:56

why are adults allowed to assign a religion to a child that has no clue what they are being indoctrinated into?

Being baptised doesn't assign a religion. The church school they get into as a consequence may be responsible for some of the indoctrination, though many children appear to emerge unscathed.

Fakeflowersandlemonade · 08/08/2018 13:57

These days it's so they can throw a massive party with a dj, bouncy castle, face painter and everyone gets drunk all day. Not my cup of tea at all

ToffeePennie · 08/08/2018 13:58

In my case it was because my mil and my Nan are very religious and kept harping on about “heathen children” which drove me bonkers so we just did it

glintandglide · 08/08/2018 13:58

“These days it's so they can throw a massive party with a dj, bouncy castle, face painter and everyone gets drunk all day. Not my cup of tea at all”

YES! It was amazing 🤣 we had it at the hotel in Mayfair we got married in (weren’t allowed bouncy castle though)

Firesuit · 08/08/2018 13:58

You forced lifetime membership of a church on your unable to consent children

In the article someone linked to the COE apparently said that it does not regard people as church members as a consequence of their being baptised.

Juells · 08/08/2018 13:59

You forced lifetime membership of a church on your unable to consent children. That is literally the opposite of taking away their choice on the matter. You made the choice for them.

Lifetime membership of a church 🤣 Do you think I live in Iran? I was christened, it made no difference to how I view religion now as an adult. Nothing was forced on me, my parents weren't control freaks.

It's water sprinkled on a baby's head, and has only the significance you give to it. To view it as forcing a lifetime membership on a child is beyond silly.

Gromance02 · 08/08/2018 14:02

Faith schools shouldn't exist at all. I can't believe they still do in this day and age. Why not segregate children by whatever political party their parents support or whether or not they are vegetarian? All as bonkers as each other.

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 14:03

Er there’s a lot of misinformation in this thread.None of my 5 are christened and all went to the local church school. 2 married in church

Er no misinformation at all actually, not all of the children of MN go to your school.

Both schools near me are religious, both ask for proof you are a member of the connected church or baptism certificate. They take other children too but they are oversubscribed and prioritise their "own". Friends of mine actually had to attend church for a year to get married in the local church.

Firesuit · 08/08/2018 14:05

I was that childcthat was christened and now hate it.

Your parents make all sort of dubious decisions that you may not agree with looking back. If I had sole charge of DD she would have blue rather than pink as her favourite colour. (Well, if I could help it, I'm not sure how much influence non-family sources have.)

Maybe the way to think about this is that you are not one person, but a succession of people of hopefully increasing maturity and wisdom occupying the same body one after each other. Draw a line where you reckon your current incarnation begins and repudiate responsibility for anything that happened before that. I've got one or two embarrassing memories of things I did while drunk in my 20's that I've sloughed off that way. (Not sure what age the dividing line is, but it's in the vicinity of where I put drinking more than one alcoholic drink of an evening behind me.)

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2018 14:06

Faith schools will have a faith criterion in their admissions procedure. It will only kick in if the school is oversubscribed, and comes after their usual looked after children and siblings and so on. So it may not ever be used. But it will be there.

PinkHeart5914 · 08/08/2018 14:07

I always wonder about this as someone who isn’t religious I did not christen my dc and I can’t understand why anyone would unless you believe in god/go to church and all the rest of it.

I will attend christening but only if the parents are religious as it’s some thing they really belive in and I’m happy to celebrate with them but When I get an invite for one and I know the parents aren’t religious I don’t attend as what is the point? The parents are doing it why? Just seems as waste of everyone’s time

PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2018 14:08

The children of declared atheists don't really have the opportunity to decide for themselves whether or not they want to believe in a God

What a load of rubbish. Plenty of adults who haven’t been brought up with any Christian background decide for themselves that they want to become a Christian. By christening a child, you’re denying them the opportunity to have a full baptism (in the c of e and many other churches) when they do actually make their own decision when they’re old enough.

In my church, most believers don’t have christenings. They opt for thanksgivings instead.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 08/08/2018 14:08

I was brought up in a Christian family but I don't believe in any gods. My dh was brought up in an Islamic family but doesn't follow Islam.

My Dm assumed we would be christening our children. I remember being genuinely bewildered when she made that statement. Why on earth would we want them to be inducted into a church!

They're grown up now and good people who have an awareness about lots of religions but I don't think either will choose to follow any specific belief system.

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