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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buying a door without a partner

167 replies

chemenger · 07/08/2018 16:36

According to a local company I cannot buy a door, or even discuss buying a door without my husband present. The woman on the phone had the cheek to ask me if I was able to make decisions “like this” on my own. The massive decision of what kind of back door I want. I checked my calendar and I haven’t slipped back in time to 1918. Needless to say I have found another company who is willing to deal with me no questions asked.
I assume I have just escaped a long session of hard selling and they wanted DH and I both there so I couldn’t get rid of them by using the excuse that I had to consult him. Again this is the 21st century. The company I am buying from has its prices on the internet, no “sign now or you’ll lose your discount” nonsense.
My mostly male colleagues agreed that their door selection skills were no better than their partners but that they would have liked to have overheard my conversation on the phone. To think that I used to be allowed to choose equipment for chemical plants and now I can’t be trusted with a door.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMoose · 07/08/2018 17:39

frecklesMaybe

It costs a company to have a salesperson come and extol the virtues of their product

No shit Sherlock.

They choose that mode of selling, that’s their problem, not mine.

Pickleypickles · 07/08/2018 17:47

In their defence you hear it all the time, wives buying doors Willy nilly, husband comes home everyday to more and more doors, until one day he snaps. They are saving people's marriages.

Original poster
chemenger · 07/08/2018 17:56

Pickley you might be on to something, I just caught myself looking at the kitchen window thinking patio doors would be nice. Maybe the back door is the start of a slippery slope.

OP posts:
SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 07/08/2018 17:57

Surely everyone knows that we can only be trusted to make decisions on soft furnishings and kitchen equipment.

Sorry SDT, but you're only allowed to make decisions about the soft furnishings.

You may suggest/hint that you need new kitchen equipment, but your Husband needs to know how much it will cost & all the technical stuff to help you make his purchase (with your own "pin" money of course)

BTW the above is a joke. Wink Grin

rwalker · 07/08/2018 18:08

possibly they have had there fingers burnt before many years ago i used to work for BT installing phone lines .90% of the time it was always the female at home would spend loads of time confirming everything and how to run the wires. We used to get loads of complaints had to return and redo the work as husband would come home and kick off about they way it was wired and we would have to go back and redo it free of charge. Happened LOADS . As another lady said one company want both people present perhaps that what they meant both of you not just a male presnce

Neweternal · 07/08/2018 18:08

I have had companies ask this (I'm single and find it strange). I couldn't understand why, until old dears would book appointments with me for expensive treatments and I they would cancel using their husband as an excuse, it's a total cop out.

pollymere · 07/08/2018 18:30

Often companies won't deal with one of you as apparently people feel the need to involve a partner in the final decision. I know because I asked a kitchen company why I couldn't buy a kitchen on my own 😂

desertmum · 07/08/2018 18:42

Someone called us and asked for Mr Desertmum, I said he wasn't home could I take a message? Oh said ridiculous man on the phone, I'm calling about your washing machine Mrs Desertmum and I assume you do all the washing so I can talk to you.

hahahahahahaha

My reply was 'actually I don't do any washing, I work and Mr DM is a house husband, he does all the washing. Goodbye.'

Never, ever assume.

Twat.

StressedD · 07/08/2018 18:45

It is standard sales for these companies. They need anyone who is involved in decision-making to be present for their 4-5 hour long sales pitch. It is simply so that they are more likely to get a yes than "I need to discuss this with my husband/wife/dad/mum/partner" which leads to a no. They will spend 4-5 hours in the house, during which you will be subjected to their spiel about how many locks are on their windows/doors and why their company is so superior to everyone else. The end is they will want you to buy on finance simply because the sales person gets more commission for sales made on finance than cash. I went through a week's training with one such company. Never did a call for them as I wasn't going to sell something that wasn't all that and effectively lie to people that it was. Also, I'm never sure how it costs them to send someone out as their sales people don't get paid unless they make a sale and only get paid once the windows/doors have been fitted, which is why they try and pressure people to have them fitted ASAP.

NC4Now · 07/08/2018 18:54

I need a new door. I’m also newly single.

I’m fucked, aren’t I?

catkind · 07/08/2018 19:03

I had this from British gas when getting new boiler quotes. As I was too flabbergasted to point out, we don't make big purchases on impulse whether DH, I or both are present. We hadn't even got the other quotes in yet. Bonkers.

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 07/08/2018 19:05

I’ve had this twice with different companies, one salesperson even came to the house late evening and then wouldn’t come in because my husband wasn’t there. I was told it was because my husband might not like the design when it came to the door being fitted, my oh was at the time in the middle of serious depression and very rarely put in an appearance at home, I don’t think he gave a shit about which side door I was choosing!

Cuddlykitten123 · 07/08/2018 19:12

I had this a last year! the salesman sat in my kitchen and asked if my husband would be coming so we could make a decision. Safe to say I threw him out, slammed the door we were replacing in his face then called his office and ranted for 5 minuted about how it wasn't the 50s and they were to never contact me again.

There sales people called 4 more times and each got shouted out until I finally threatened them with trading standards if they carried on harassing me.... misogynistic bastards!

Fadingmemory · 07/08/2018 19:14

YRDNBU Contact the first company by email and explain why you will not be buying a door from there. Tweet it.

Just think, some women buy houses, cars and all manner of big ticket items without a man present. According to many posts, though, rather a lot of men aren't capable of doing a weekly shop...

goforthandmultiply · 07/08/2018 19:15

They are pretty much all high pressure high price companies that do this. They want to ensure you sign there and then before you can identify how expensive they are.

MaverickSnoopy · 07/08/2018 19:16

I definitely think there are companies who will only take men seriously.

I also think that mostly it's a sales pressure tactic. If you're single you can't say that you have to check with your partner so it's not a problem.

If the sales pressure tactic is used on me, then I say "that's fine, my husband can be there, but just so you know, we don't make on the spot decisions. So based on that do you still want to quote because we don't deal with companies who use pressure sales tactics".

I think more people should say this.

Scifi101 · 07/08/2018 19:27

Stdg

Oh no I don't have a man! Am I destined to live without a decent door forever?!

Scifi101 · 07/08/2018 19:30

Freckles

1k? Oh my!

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 07/08/2018 19:31

Are women without husbands destined to be doorless?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 07/08/2018 20:10

I'd never dream of buying a new door without my husband. There are no salespeople here, so I'd need to go to a builders' merchant and I couldn't possibly manage that on my own.
The above is not unconnected to the trade discount that my husband still gets from his cousin who runs the builders' merchant place (despite being retired from said trade). I choose because I actually hand over the cash and also because he doesn't care ("It's a fucking door, do I have to care what it looks like?").

ThistleAmore · 07/08/2018 20:18

Him Indoors and I aren't married or share a last name, so it does always amuse me when he gets addressed as 'MrThistleAmore' when I've been doing the initial scoping on big ticket stuff.

He is a bit older now and well schooled in the dark arts of What Women Just Have to Put Up With (having spent the last 15 years of his life living with a radefm), but his younger frothing was always fun to watch.

ThistleAmore · 07/08/2018 20:20

'Radfem'. Massive hands and tiny phone keyboard, I blame the patriarchy.

Fabricwitch · 07/08/2018 20:21

YANBU wt actual f?!?!

Gormless · 07/08/2018 20:25

What’s special fun on these occasions is when you are female and your partner is female too. I also once got the old ‘will your husband be there too’ (again, when buying a door!) and they were so confused when I said ‘yes she will’.

PitchBlackNight · 07/08/2018 20:54

In the last few years I’ve bought two new cars and had a large extension added to the house. I thought both the builders and the car dealerships were spot on with how they dealt with me. They car dealerships were extremely subtle about working out who the cars were for and were completely unfazed to only be selling to ‘wife’. It was notable that they didn’t assume that I wouldn’t want to know about the technical specs of the cars, It was the same with the builders. I got the impression that it was perfectly normal for them to only deal with one person out of a couple. They did the whole building job without a sniff of any sexism. I was impressed.

Unfortuanately I recently had an electrician in the house who suggested I ask my husband to change the bulb if one of the bulbs in the new light fitting ever blew. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. What an idiot! He was a young bloke too.