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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She hasn’t invited my children to her daughter’s Christening

55 replies

MummaDC · 06/08/2018 22:40

When I had my daughter christened 5 years ago, my best friend became one of her godmother’s.
She’s since had her first baby, and I’ve gone on to have my second child.
She’s having her daughter christened soon and has very kindly asked me to be godmother, but she has only invited my partner and I, not our children (my baby will only be 3 months old by then, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving him with anyone else yet).

AIBU to feel offended she doesn’t want my children there?! My daughter is her goddaughter after all.

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 06/08/2018 22:41

Ha ha ha. No children at a christening I've heard it all now.

purpledreamcatching · 06/08/2018 22:41

Yeah that seems really strange. In that position I'd decline.

JustJoinedRightNow · 06/08/2018 22:44

Are there any other children going (apart from the one being christened)? This is pretty weird.

Christenings I’ve been to have been a group affair, where about 6 kids were christened at once. If your friend is trying to stop kids from coming to the church to watch them she’ll have a bit of a shock when all the other families and friends of the other kids being christened all turn up.

PowerPlayed · 06/08/2018 22:46

No children at a christening is seriously odd behaviour

BlueBug45 · 06/08/2018 22:47

Ok beyond weird.

Churches are public places of worship and delibrately welcome children to services as if you indoctrinate them young you get more members. Some invite the Sunday school to the christening service regardless of who is getting christened.

Check with your friend whether she has forgot to invite you children mentioning that, and if she hasn't decline.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 06/08/2018 22:48

It’s a bit weird... surely she’s taken your child to church throughout her life so knows how she’d behave?

Personally, I’d be delighted with this as it’d mean I couldn’t attend due to childcare issues, but I’m guessing you want to go?

Original poster
MummaDC · 06/08/2018 23:05

She asked me to be godmother several weeks before sending out the invitations and telling me only her sister’s children were invited (niece and nephews). I would feel very rude to go back on my acceptance of the godmother role now.

OP posts:
28holid · 06/08/2018 23:07

She is not your best friend. I would say thanks but no thanks tbh. Some god mother to your child she is!

Rainbowqueeen · 06/08/2018 23:09

Could it be more of a cost issue for the celebration after the christening and she can't afford to pay for children to attend?

If you feel you must go, could your partner not go and stay with the kids.

Thistles24 · 06/08/2018 23:12

I’m a church member, and have never invited my friends children to DC baptisms, and likewise have never taken them to the baptism of other friends DC! They attend church with me every week, so obviously have attended any that are held in our church but I’ve never taken them to those that were held in different churches- and never thought it was odd that they weren’t invited...

PlatypusPie · 06/08/2018 23:13

What curious behaviour ! Why, does she think your baby is going to make a noise and ‘spoil’ the occasion ? Her own baby will be quite likely to get a bit vocal ! Kind of goes against the whole spirit of the ceremony, I would have thought

IStillDrinkCava · 06/08/2018 23:22

Surely you have to go back and say look, I'm flattered you invited me to be godmother but you've put me in an impossible situation - I can't leave a 3 month old! You can't leave your baby against your will out of politeness!! And no true friend would ask you to.

I'm not religious myself but it seems so completely against the spirit of a christening to exclude children. Technically she probably can't stop you bringing anyone into the church, but I appreciate that's not a route you'd want to pursue. Baptism has a strong theme of welcoming the child into the church and the community. Explicitly excluding other children is just all sorts of wrong!!

garethsouthgatesmrs · 06/08/2018 23:23

This is very odd, If she is your best friend then can you ask her about it. Surely she will understand that you can't leave your baby.

If it's about the cost of catering then tbh they have their priorities a bit wrong!

BlueBug45 · 06/08/2018 23:25

@Thistles24 I have practising Christians amongst my family and friends who are various denominations. They invite each other to one another churches and include the entire family, plus for those who do christenings they invite that entire family if they invite the parents. Some even extend that welcome to people of other faiths who they know are practising. Unbelievers like me even if I have a closer relationship to them are the ones frequently not invited which is completely fair. (I only know because they have done the invites in front of me, or they know each other due to me.)

CherryPavlova · 06/08/2018 23:32

You can have a proxy - so someone stands in for you at ceremony but you are the Godmother still.
How odd to want a ceremony that welcomes a child into the church but doesn’t include other children.

ExFury · 06/08/2018 23:36

Are there lots of children in her family or in your friendship group?

Anyone’s kids badly behaved that you can think of?

MrsMoastyToasty · 06/08/2018 23:39

If it's taking place during Sunday morning service then there's going to be children in the general congregation.

Mehaveit · 06/08/2018 23:40

How odd! To not want your godchild at your child's christening.

AvoidingDM · 06/08/2018 23:42

Most bazaar. Does she have a big (adults) party planned for after the service?

If she's thinking the church will be child free she's probably wrong. Just about every Christening I've been to has had more than one child being Christened.

My own church will only do them a minimum of 6 weeks apart so the regular church goers don't get bored. And the Sunday School children stay in the church to watch.

I'd think I'd have to decline the role and invite.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/08/2018 23:45

Yup this one is weird, if they had been older she may have had a point.

longbar · 06/08/2018 23:47

Is it that she is giving out invites to a meal or party afterwards?

Menolly · 07/08/2018 00:03

Are your kids definitely not invited or were they just not named on the invite? In my group of friends it would just be assumed that the invitation for something like that included the children too.

SandyY2K · 07/08/2018 00:10

It's ridiculous. Where are you expected to leave your 3 month old baby.

The best option would be your DP staying at home with the kids and you leaving after the church and skipping the reception (if there is one) and go straight home.

I'd be ticked off...but leave it at that.

hibbledibble · 07/08/2018 00:10

Are you sure your dc aren't invited? If so that is seriously odd.

BackforGood · 07/08/2018 00:13

Anyone can attend a Church service though - you don't have to be invited, so for the service you could all go, and then go home after the service (if you wanted to)

or

You can still be a Godparents even if you can't get to the service - you do it by proxy.

Those, of course are options if you want to be her baby's Godmother.

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