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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelled 'birthday party'

74 replies

Plannergirl9 · 06/08/2018 20:19

It was my DSS's birthday a few weeks ago and we had arranged for him and 5 friends to go to an experience day doing something physical and unusual. We're paying for everyone. DSS has broken his ankle and can't do the activity. It was booked for next weekend just after the start of term.

I called the company and was thankfully about to cancel with a view to rebook later. It's very popular so have to book in advance. DSS texted his friends to say the event was off and I group messaged the parents to do the same and let them know we will book it for the future.

Most of the parents were fine with this. The boys would be disappointed but it can't be helped.

One parent wasn't happy with me cancelling the event as the rest of the boys could have went without DSS (and we were still to pay). I give him the details of the organiser and suggested that he might be able to get the spot if he is quick. I told him it costs £20 per child.

In response the rest of the boys parents said they could wait and do it with DSS. The parent who wasn't happy has separately messaged me letting me know he got a space for his son (A) that weekend and to let him know when I was going to rebook the 'birthday party' so his son can go.

DSS (through texting his friends now knows A is going next weekend so has told the rest that he will be inviting another boy to come instead of A).

A's dad isn't happy with his son being uninvited from the 'party' and has demanded (he actually used the word demand) that his son goes.

Aibu to think a. It wasn't a traditional 'birthday party' as such so he hasn't been uninvited and b. DSS can invite who he wants given we are paying for it?

Sorry for the novel.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 06/08/2018 20:28

Well, the other parent is a total dick, obviously. I hope you wrote back "ABSOLUTE LOL Grin" at "demand".

bastardkitty · 06/08/2018 20:29

Block the Dad.

LEMtheoriginal · 06/08/2018 20:33

That is entitlement in the extreme. Your ds sounds very sensible and its nice of him to think of another child who will now get the experience

ShumpaLumpa · 06/08/2018 20:34

The dad was BU for expecting you to pay for all the others boys to go without DSS.

But your DSS was very mean to disinvite the boy from his birthday event. It's hardky the boy's fault his dad's a dick.

And as your DSS is presumably oit of action for a few weeks, it was petty of your DSS to invite someone else to take A's place so soon.

So you're all BU.

DillyDilly · 06/08/2018 20:35

I think it’s unfair on the other boy that your DSS isn’t going to invite him to re-arranged party and for your DSS have been texting this to the other boys.

Though the Dad was very rude to you and unreasonable.

MozzieMagnet · 06/08/2018 20:36

What shumpa said

Quartz2208 · 06/08/2018 20:37

agree with ShumpaLumpa it is odd DSS has uninvited him

NonaGrey · 06/08/2018 20:39

It depends exactly what has gone on between the boys texting but on the face of it I’m not quite sure why your DSS uninvited his friend.

It’s presumably not his fault his father is so rude? Or did he behave baldly too?

ABadIdea · 06/08/2018 20:40

The dad is a total dick but I don't understand why the boy has been uninvited. As PP said, it's not his fault that his dad has been like this.

LIZS · 06/08/2018 20:40

How old are the boys? It all sounds a bit of immature retribution but dss can invite who he chooses next time, so don't make firm plans yet as friendship dynamics could change again.

user139328237 · 06/08/2018 20:41

Based on the cost I'm assuming escape room in which case there is absolutely no point in going twice and having a party member whose already been could actually ruin the experience for the others so in that case YANBU. Otherwise its rather petty to drop someone from a party just because they've done the activity in question before (and many would have no one to invite if this was a widespread practice).

NoFucksImAQueen · 06/08/2018 20:41

we don't know what A said to dss for him to chosen to invite someone else.

Justneedsomeinfo · 06/08/2018 20:42

Agree with most PPs why has he been uninvited to the rearranged party ? That seems a bit mean.

His dad was rude for demanding the original party went ahead but that's not the kids fault.

PatheticNurse · 06/08/2018 20:43

The Dad is unreasonable in expecting the boys to still go with you paying even though DSS can't participate.

But.... l don't think it's faiir that the boy has been uninvited from the future party just because he is lucky enough to go at the weekend.

I actually think it is really nasty to have excluded him.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 06/08/2018 20:43

The Dad was rude, IF he ‘insisted’ you’d still paying & a bit rude for suggesting the others could go anyway, BUT that doesn’t excuse your son’s rudeness in disinviting his friend to his birthday treat.

MadMags · 06/08/2018 20:44

It depends on how the texting between the boys went, but I don't think it's on for DSS to have uninvited him unless the event can't be done twice.

The dad is clearly an absolute twat and an embarrassment to his poor son.

RoboJesus · 06/08/2018 20:45

It's not fair to uninvite the boy. He's done nothing wrong. He's being pushed out by his friends for no reason.

Returnofthesmileybar · 06/08/2018 20:45

Dad is a dick but I think it was unfair of your dss to uninvite the other child yo be honest.

I would text back "Dss broke his ankle, we don't need to sort out specifics for another few weeks but we will be the ones sorting the details out, there will be no demands from anyone. Speak to you soon"

YearOfYouRemember · 06/08/2018 20:46

Maybe the son uninvited the boy as he thought he wouldn't want to do it twice?

Loopytiles · 06/08/2018 20:46

The dad was a dick.

You were U emailing the rest of the families to accommodate the dick dad instead of telling him immediately to jog on.

DSS was U to uninvite the friend with the dick dad.

SassitudeandSparkle · 06/08/2018 20:46

No, the party shouldn't have gone ahead without the birthday person themselves if they couldn't take part - but why disinvite the person who is doing the activity anyway? Possibly OK if it is an Escape Room, but otherwise that is an odd thing to do, to disinvite them because they went without you!

RideOn · 06/08/2018 20:46

Is it something you can do twice?

Then I think you have to still invite A. His Dad is an idiot but just because he has done this activity, doesn't mean he gets uninvited? Unless it is something you would only want to do once?

bionicnemonic · 06/08/2018 20:47

Could the new boy and the other boy both go (you get an extra ticket for the birthday bash) unless as the pp says it would be something that could be spoiled by someone having already been

kaytee87 · 06/08/2018 20:47

Why has the boy been uninvited?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/08/2018 20:48

Bizarre behaviour on the Dad’s part, but like everyone else asked; why uninvite his child?