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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cancelled 'birthday party'

74 replies

Plannergirl9 · 06/08/2018 20:19

It was my DSS's birthday a few weeks ago and we had arranged for him and 5 friends to go to an experience day doing something physical and unusual. We're paying for everyone. DSS has broken his ankle and can't do the activity. It was booked for next weekend just after the start of term.

I called the company and was thankfully about to cancel with a view to rebook later. It's very popular so have to book in advance. DSS texted his friends to say the event was off and I group messaged the parents to do the same and let them know we will book it for the future.

Most of the parents were fine with this. The boys would be disappointed but it can't be helped.

One parent wasn't happy with me cancelling the event as the rest of the boys could have went without DSS (and we were still to pay). I give him the details of the organiser and suggested that he might be able to get the spot if he is quick. I told him it costs £20 per child.

In response the rest of the boys parents said they could wait and do it with DSS. The parent who wasn't happy has separately messaged me letting me know he got a space for his son (A) that weekend and to let him know when I was going to rebook the 'birthday party' so his son can go.

DSS (through texting his friends now knows A is going next weekend so has told the rest that he will be inviting another boy to come instead of A).

A's dad isn't happy with his son being uninvited from the 'party' and has demanded (he actually used the word demand) that his son goes.

Aibu to think a. It wasn't a traditional 'birthday party' as such so he hasn't been uninvited and b. DSS can invite who he wants given we are paying for it?

Sorry for the novel.

OP posts:

Nofunkingworriesmate · 06/08/2018 21:39

It is a birthday party and they would expect to be feed surely ( that's a whole different thread?)
He was totally disinvited which was rude and unnecessary ( until the update) and then it was reasonable.

IceCreamFace · 06/08/2018 21:48

Well in light of the texts then obviously YANBU.

FishingIsNotASport · 06/08/2018 21:51

If 'A' is doing the activity off his own bat, and gaining the certificate, what's the point of him doing it again with DSS et al? That, together with the offensive correspondence, makes it clear YANBU.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 06/08/2018 21:53

"You are being unreasonable and abusive, your son has also been abusive on WhatApp to my DSS. I will not communicate with you on any matter anymore. Do not contact me again by any medium or for any reason." Then block him and never think about him again.

NonaGrey · 07/08/2018 02:38

Goodness, well I can see why DSS disinvited the boy.

What a strange view of male/female adult relationships!?

Some of the angst will have blown over by the start of term. I’d quietly rearrange them.

Tell the other Dad exactly why his son has been disinvited (and then be prepared to block him as I’m pretty sure an apology won’t be forthcoming)

PatheticNurse · 07/08/2018 06:50

Well thanks to the almighty drip feed.... l now agree with the boy being dropped!

HelpmeobiMN · 07/08/2018 07:42

Everyone has been a bit unreasonable. The other boy's dad especially - he sounds like an entitled arsehole. But you shouldn't have let your son uninvite his friend as it's spiteful, and a bit tough to punish the kid for having a nightmare dad.

HelpmeobiMN · 07/08/2018 07:45

Oh wait. Missed the drip feed. Why on earth didn't you include that enormously relevant bit of info in your original post?!

chicola · 07/08/2018 07:49

Is it skydiving?

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 07/08/2018 07:51

Oh wait. Missed the drip feed. Why on earth didn't you include that enormously relevant bit of info in your original post?!

Because OP didn’t actually HAVE that bit of info until her son told her AFTER she first posted..... he was probably trying to protect her feelings.

PattiStanger · 07/08/2018 07:52

I'm assuming the OP hadn't read the messages when she first posted.

I'd be tempted to explain exactly to the dad why his son has been uninvited.

Regardless of the messages there would have been no pint in the son going twice as he would already have done the certification.

LizTaylorsFabulousTurban · 07/08/2018 07:59

Why are people calling out the OP for drip feeding? This was new information to her, hardly drip feeding.

OP I think you should be proud of your DSS for having your back and standing up to A. Tell his father to do one and block him. You can see where A gets his bad attitude from.

RebootYourEngine · 07/08/2018 08:16

Good on your DSS for calling A out on his comments. Good on you for not standing for As dad's behaviour too.

pigeondujour · 07/08/2018 08:25

Graphic slut-shaming about each other's mums is absolutely par for the course amongst 14 year olds. It's really grim.

PeachesPlumsPears · 07/08/2018 08:26

OP I think you should be proud of your DSS for having your back and standing up to A.

This

Whereismumhiding2 · 07/08/2018 08:55

OP, how awful your DSS broke his ankle. And in this hot weather too. That's the bit of humanity that's missing from correspondence from A's Father.
.
He just sounds like an entitled kn*b to be hassling you about "his boy" missing out, you taking boys anyway without birthday boy(!!) And then arguing about his son coming again anyway when it's a one off activity & his son will have done it.

There's nothing caring about how your boy is doing in there (it was his birthday & he has the broken ankle!). A and his Dad have made it all about A. That alone would have given me the rage!

You do need to tell him (private message) , if he asks, that it's due to his boys unpleasant & abusive texts to DSS; that DSS, DH & you are unimpressed ; & you don't want to hear any more from him. Remove both of them from WhatsApp groups & block numbers.

Life is too short to let people like A and his Dad get any foothold in your lives. I doubt DSS will want to associate with A again. (It's the one thing that will make my teenage DS cold angry, anyone that goes (nastily) for me!)

AgentJohnson · 07/08/2018 09:25

Like father, like son. Your DSS did good, follow his lead and block.

minisoksmakehardwork · 07/08/2018 09:27

Even before the drip feed, if the event resulted in certification in an activity, there would be no point in the other boy letting you pay for him to do it again. It makes sense to take someone who doesn't have the certificate.

You dss is probably better without a friend like this tbh. It looks like father and son are quite similar people.

LEMtheoriginal · 07/08/2018 09:40

Errr slut shaming?? No just 14yo being vile. No one for one minute would call that slut shaming as that would imply the op's morals are questionable

NoFucksImAQueen · 07/08/2018 09:51

I knew A would have said something showing how similar he was to his entitled dickhead of a dad. have you replied to the dad? i wouldn't resist telling him to shove his "demands" where the sun don't shine

piefacedClique · 07/08/2018 10:01

Screen shot all the messages from WhatsApp and send them to the Dad.

ChasedByBees · 07/08/2018 10:02

Having read the update YANBU at all. I would tell the dad not to contact you again.

Whereismumhiding2 · 07/08/2018 10:25

OP your DSS has every right to decide who he wants at his rescheduled treat, even if it was a birthday party.
A has been vile to him, over his having to cancel since he BROKE HIS ANKLE!, it's not at all unreasonable that DSS no longer wants him there.

Can you do DSS a quiet pizza and movie party with friends? You could buy a new marvel dvd or Xbox game or something that he and his good friends can do together on the afternoon you'd planned treat for and he can rest up his plastered ankle.

DSS won't invite A as he's no longer welcome (& A's dad has told you A will be busy anyway!).

ShumpaLumpa · 07/08/2018 10:48

Errr slut shaming?? No just 14yo being vile. No one for one minute would call that slut shaming as that would imply the op's morals are questionable

No it wouldn't LEM. Slut shaming doesn't mean the woman is a slut. It's the way a woman is stigmatised for behaviour judged to be sexually provocative/promiscuous.

'A' judged OP to be sexually provocative because she replied to his dad's text. So slut-shaming is quite accurate here.

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