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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cancelled 'birthday party'

74 replies

Plannergirl9 · 06/08/2018 20:19

It was my DSS's birthday a few weeks ago and we had arranged for him and 5 friends to go to an experience day doing something physical and unusual. We're paying for everyone. DSS has broken his ankle and can't do the activity. It was booked for next weekend just after the start of term.

I called the company and was thankfully about to cancel with a view to rebook later. It's very popular so have to book in advance. DSS texted his friends to say the event was off and I group messaged the parents to do the same and let them know we will book it for the future.

Most of the parents were fine with this. The boys would be disappointed but it can't be helped.

One parent wasn't happy with me cancelling the event as the rest of the boys could have went without DSS (and we were still to pay). I give him the details of the organiser and suggested that he might be able to get the spot if he is quick. I told him it costs £20 per child.

In response the rest of the boys parents said they could wait and do it with DSS. The parent who wasn't happy has separately messaged me letting me know he got a space for his son (A) that weekend and to let him know when I was going to rebook the 'birthday party' so his son can go.

DSS (through texting his friends now knows A is going next weekend so has told the rest that he will be inviting another boy to come instead of A).

A's dad isn't happy with his son being uninvited from the 'party' and has demanded (he actually used the word demand) that his son goes.

Aibu to think a. It wasn't a traditional 'birthday party' as such so he hasn't been uninvited and b. DSS can invite who he wants given we are paying for it?

Sorry for the novel.

OP posts:
bisexualorstr8 · 06/08/2018 20:48

I find it weird your DS has uninvited him because he is going by himself

Other parent sounds like maybe wires got crossed... had an excited child and thought wasn't fair they miss out. But unless the other child perhaps has some sort of SN and your DS also that would explain the strange dynamics of all this I'm just lost as to why it wouldn't just be a "no problem hope he feels better soon" situation

2up2manydown · 06/08/2018 20:51

The boy has been uninvited from a party.

What would you think if that was your child?

It makes no difference the the boy’s father is taking him to the activity separately. The party is not about the activity per se, it’s about a group of children doing something together to mark someone’s birthday.

I suspect you’ve overegged the tone of other dad’s messages too. Surely nobody would demand a party activity take place without the birthday child. That’s just weird. Sounds like he was saying he’d like to use the slot you’d booked rather than lose it completely.

PowerPlayed · 06/08/2018 20:51

Dad sounds mad but I don't really understand why DSS has disinvited the boy. Seems a bit odd. And quite unfair.

How old are they?

starcrossedseahorse · 06/08/2018 20:55

Why has your stepson uninvited the other boy? It seems petty.

PotteryLady · 06/08/2018 20:58

Agree with everyone else - dad is a dick but your DSS seems mean - you don't invite someone then disinvite them x

Bibesia · 06/08/2018 20:59

I'd suggest relying on the fact that broken ankles can be complicated, and make it clear that you don't actually know whether it will be possible to rebook at all in the foreseeable future.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 06/08/2018 20:59

A's dad is a CF of the highest order. As the original plans have been cancelled, I would send out a group text/Whatsapp or something saying "Hi parents, I'm so sorry about this but as DSS has broken his ankle we are no longer having a birthday party for him. He is gutted as are we but it can't be helped. We will not be having a birthday celebration for him as a result". Then when your DSS's ankle is recovered, just arrange a session with the boys who have non-cf parents and invite who you want!.

IceCreamFace · 06/08/2018 21:00

Firstly that dad is obviously a dick. Fair enough if his DS was going to be massively disappointed he could have booked him in separately (although he should have done so without making a big fuss to you - obviously you weren't going to pay for 4 boys to go without your DS to this expensive experience).

That said I don't know why your DSS uninvited the boy - unless it was the kind of event you can't do twice (some kind of maze where this boy would now know all the answers)?

GabriellaMontez · 06/08/2018 21:01

Uninvited him? How rude.

The dad sounds like a dick. But that's not the boys fault.

Noqont · 06/08/2018 21:02

I don't understand why dss uninvited him though. Is there something else going on?

Original poster
Plannergirl9 · 06/08/2018 21:03

It's isn't DSS's party, it was part of our birthday gift for him to do something with his friends. You learn and are certified in a particular skill.

I was annoyed with the dad's text and hadn't thought about why DSS had said A couldn't come. So yes iwbu.

I spoke to DSS and read the texts. The boys were group texting about the event and A said he was going, essentially slagging off DSS and the rest of the boys. A said I must want to shag his dad as I texted him back Hmm. The other boys and DSS responded back and it decended from there. Comments were made on all sides and DSS has said he wasn't invited.

DH has seen the texts and isn't impressed. The boys are 14 so not little kids.

Ffs this was meant to be a fun event for DSS's birthday, now DH doesn't think we will be rebooking at all.

OP posts:
Noqont · 06/08/2018 21:06

Oh. That's not great. I'd still invite the other boys though.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/08/2018 21:07

This reply has been deleted

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Benandhollysmum · 06/08/2018 21:07

Ah so the other boy has been overheating his unreasonable father and decided to have a go at your stepson resulting in your stepson telling him to do one basically

The dad seems a total whalloper because now him son has fallen out with all his pals because the dad took offence to your stepsons broken ankle.

Anonnymouse54321 · 06/08/2018 21:08

I think it's out of order to uninvite him, and he has been uninvited. Turn the situation around and tell me you would be fine with your child not being invited to the same birthday celebration that had to change dates. The dad is an utter bellend though.

FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone · 06/08/2018 21:08

A said I must want to shag his dad as I texted him back

Oh good grief. That is the weirdest most extreme forn of slut-shaming
I’ve ever heard. You brazen hussy Hmm

Your poor DSS. I hope he makes a speedy recovery and that all the rest of them get over themselves.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/08/2018 21:08

This reply has been deleted

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FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone · 06/08/2018 21:09

What does ex post mean?

lapenguin · 06/08/2018 21:11

I mean after that exchange I'm not surprised he was uninvited
It's likely they will all be friends again by the time he can go, but if the friend was to actually act like that I can see why your dss retaliated. The dad is a dick and it appears he may be trying to raise one too. Hopefully he just got caught up in the 'haha I get to do it now anyway' smugness.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/08/2018 21:11

X post, sorry. Auto correct

ferntwist · 06/08/2018 21:12

YANBU. Dreadful way for A to talk about you on the messages and no surprise your son has said he’s not invited anymore. Sounds like there’s no point getting the certificate twice anyway and his dad was unbelievably CF about it all.

ShumpaLumpa · 06/08/2018 21:18

I can see why DSS uninvited him. It's good that he didn't tolerate the weird 'slut-shaming' towards you that Flat Oack refers to.

It would be a shame for DSS and the other boys miss out due to gobshite A and his dickhead dad.

Could the other boys come over for some pizza or whatever to keep DSS company one day?

chocolateworshipper · 06/08/2018 21:23

Another vote for shumpa from me

2up2manydown · 06/08/2018 21:24

You’re drip-feeding a bit OP. Obviously those messages change everything.

But I don’t understand your logic about it not being a birthday party. Do you mean because there’s no jelly and ice-cream and musical statues?

ProfessorMoody · 06/08/2018 21:32

A clearly takes after his father. Block him and let the other boys enjoy the treat when they can.

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