wedding shower invite

[ambereeree]

When did this become a thing? Even more annoying than baby showers.

Goodness how annoying.
We didn't have an engagement party as one we weren't engaged long enough and two we didn't see the need for it. We didn't have hen and stag nights again we didn't see the need or want to. And we refused point blank to do any kind of present registry or worse ask for money when we sent the invitations out because it's tacky and rude.

It isn't about how much things cost. Its the expectation that I'll just happily sacrifice so many days and evenings because someone chose to get married. Likewise for baby showers.

And they're shit.

I didn't go to my friend's baby shower and politely declined. When she asked why I said 'because I don't want to, I'll be bored' without thinking

Of my acquaintances who had engagement parties (and I'm taking formal ones, venue hire, catering etc) they were the ones have yet to set a date several years later or split up before even setting a date. I don't understand it tbh- for all the effort and expense you could just plan an actual wedding.

We really wanted to get married, but I really didn't think anyone would want to give up more than half a day for it. No engagement party, no hen/stag do, no shower nonsense. A morning wedding, lunchtime buffet, and we were well on our way to our honeymoon by 3.00 pm.

I don't understand why so many people are grabby or attention-seeking.

Middling surely people would have taken a day out to attend your wedding anyway? Or did they all just go back to work? I don't think one day celebrating a wedding is grabby or attention seeking, if that's what you want. The other stuff mostly is.

I was going to mention a show of presents as well I’m in Scotland too. Sounds like the same sort of thing it was generally women at the show of presents with some tea, wine and nibbles and an ooh and aah over the Tupperware sets and toasters. Loved them when I was wee.

Surely you would only buy the one gift and give it at the shower instead of at the wedding? I wouldn't have thought you were expected to get two gifts … if you are, then don't go! Same with baby showers - don't you just give the gift at the shower instead of after the baby is born? Or am I being naïve/a tightwad?

I once went a wedding that had the following associated celebrations:
Engagement drinks
Engagement party
Hen do (2 days)
Stag do (2 days)
Joint stag and hen do (3 days)
Pre-wedding rehearsal drinks and dinner (2 days before wedding in remote location)
Wedding rehearsal (with guests)
Post- wedding rehearsal drinks and dinner (day before wedding)
Wedding champagne breakfast
Actual wedding ceremony and reception
Post-wedding breakfast (following morning)
Post-wedding dinner (following night)
Welcome back from honeymoon party (2 weeks later)
Wedding reunion weekend (1 month later)
Wedding photo reveal (a few weeks later)
One year anniversary get-together
Three subsequent wedding anniversary reunions

The take-up rate tailed off rapidly, and everything post-wedding was billed as 'because some people couldn't make the previous event.' We were starting to wonder if the plan was to keep going until absolutely every friend and acquaintance had given in and attended at least one celebration. Under immense pressure we managed to keep our attendance down to 5 celebrations.

Surely you would only buy the one gift and give it at the shower instead of at the wedding?

In the US, if you're invited to both*, you give a gift for both. But as I mentioned, the shower gift is usually something relatively inexpensive.

*If you're invited to the shower, it would be expected that you'd be invited to the wedding also. But the reverse is not true; showers are normally only for friends and relatives to whom the bride is very close.

A shower is something you wash under - it shouldn't be anything to do with giving people presents!

I had a surprise wedding shower when I got married 35 years ago. My mum and her friend got together with my closest friends and we had supper and they gave me (us) small presents - washing up brush/dustpan and brush/sieve - the sort of things you would buy for a student setting up in halls for the first time. Thirty five years ago they were things that would have been priced in pence - not expensive "gifts" in any way.

When I have arranged wedding showers for friends I have put on the invites that if people want to bring a gift please do not spend more than £ 2.00.

A what now?

HarrietKettle I think they either went home, or went on to do some shopping or a bit of sight-seeing. Yes, the day was taken up, but by 3.00 pm everyone could do what they wanted. We didn't offend anyone, and in fact only had 20 people there as we chose to limit invites to immediate family and best friends.

I know my aunt thought "Oh, goody, that's near a shop I've always wanted to go to, I'll pop in afterwards."

In contrast, I know someone who has just been on a weekend away to plan the two hen nights and the post-honeymoon party. Each to their own, there's no right or wrong way as long as everyone is happy and can afford it.

kungfupannda

PLEASE tell me you made all that list up...

If not, I want some specific details about the couple involved, so that I can judge them even more.

I had a bridal shower - because the “hen do” was just my mother and my bridesmaid (who was my best friend) going on holiday. And we thought bridal shower sounded a bit nicer. We paid for everyone to go for a nice champagne afternoon tea. And everyone got a goodie bag. End of story - not everyone who has a bridal shower is an arsehole.

I’m willing to bet that the people who had all the events Kungfu listed are either divorced now or don’t make it to 10 years.

I have a theory that the more elaborate the wedding the less love there is in the marriage.

I'm in the US and have never heard of such a thing!

So a wedding shower, a hen do and then the actual wedding? Fuck that.

"I'm in the US and have never heard of such a thing!"

How? I definitely remember it being a thing in Friends (when Monica got married) and Bridesmaids (LOVE that bit "...and I LOVE my new asshole").

Give it a miss OP, sounds tedious and like a pp said, an excuse to get presents when they are having a wedding abroad.

I went to one of these once
yuliahadi.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/kitchen-party-the-zambian-way-for-bridal-shower/
Except it was actually in a kitchen (well, small living room) and everyone gave cooking pots and spoons with relevant advice and jokes (use the spoon to stir in love and if he's a useless husband you can always hit him with it)

I've heard they also happen in white South African circles - but I heard that they are a bit more risque than in this link (bring a bedroom item and hints in use). But that may be an urban myth.

www.tietheknot.co.za/wedding-advice/kitchen-tea-activities/

In olden times (1980s 😂), before the wedding, the bride and groom would have a Showing of Presents where they would lay out the gifts they had been given (that guests had chosen, not off a list and not money!) for everyone to come and have a nosey, a wee drink and buffet/snack.

We were looking through my mum's old photos recently and found photos from my db Show of Presents. Some of the gifts they received were hilarious, lots of ugly crystal fruit bowls and vases 😂

The tone of the show of presents was very much the bride and groom showing how grateful they were for the gifts they had been given whereas modern wedding showers seem much more grabby.

In Oz, we have a kitchen tea sometimes. It's a older female relative friendly event, held before the hen do. Not everyone has one, but sounds a bit like a bridal shower.

Not made up, unfortunately! And they are still together and seem very happy. They’re nice people (although I think they do have the sense that they’re at the centre of a social circle that doesn’t really exist anymore - lots of ‘we’re in the country this weekend so everyone come and see us’ type invitations, and then disappointment that people they haven’t been in touch with in months can’t drop everything to travel hundreds of miles) but the wedding just seemed to send them a bit mad. It was like they just couldn’t let it end.

Wedding shower? No thanks. I could understand BTB & Bridesmaids (only) having a little get together drinks, laugh and details discussion for a couple of hours round BTBs house maybe. But no more than that certainly not expected to bear gifts, and no pressure on anyone who just can't make it. There's no need for wedding overkill