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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to wonder who you go on holiday with?

71 replies

M4MMY · 06/08/2018 01:35

...Just that, really.

Every year, my parents desperately want to tag along and be included in our holidays. I don't feel I could handle the stress! I know I'm being selfish and normally I'm not but I just feel I need this me time...

My parents seem to think that it's normal for "families to holiday together". Is it? Do you go abroad with your parents and your children? Or just your children?

I really hate hurting my parents but I'm desperate to know if they have a point? I don't believe most families include grandparents.... Do they?

OP posts:
BusterTheBulldog · 06/08/2018 01:44

Did you used to go on holidays with your grandparents? There’s your answer!

I didn’t. My parents didn’t.

My mil went on hols with her own mum and not her Pil. So as I have pointed out there’s no tradition for us to continue.....

DramaAlpaca · 06/08/2018 01:49

God no! Holidays are for me, DH & the DC. We've been twice with my parents, at their request on holidays they've paid for, and it's been stressful to say the least. I much prefer it to be my own little family unit.

Cheerymom · 06/08/2018 01:51

I can't imagine having living parents, having lost both while young. What on earth is your problem? say no or else realise that it could be good.

Funnybunnydog · 06/08/2018 01:52

I only ever go with just me and my friend (long weekend city breaks) or DH, me and the kids but we always see loads of people on holiday with their extended family. It would be my idea of hell but each to their own.

Cheerymom · 06/08/2018 01:53

You have living parents who want to spend time with you. Boo hoo.

blaaake · 06/08/2018 02:25

I've been on holiday with my parents and it was so, so stressful. Never again.

rosamore · 06/08/2018 02:26

We would never holiday with my parents (shudder), but we do travel abroad to visit them when we see them... so that's kind of a holiday, right?

We're off on holiday with my brother, his wife and DC, and my other brother's son next week. So we do holiday with our extended family, just not our parents.

Very occasionally my dad will organise a big family holiday for all of us, but rarely now we all have our own kids (as it doesn't really work and it gets insanely expensive).

Copperbonnet · 06/08/2018 02:50

We live abroad so both sets of Grandparents come to stay with us for two to three weeks at a time.

When we lived in the U.K. we wouldn’t have considered inviting Grandparents on our family holiday.

Mostly because if we did it for one set we’d have to do it for the other and going with one particular set would not be a relaxing holiday for either DH and me or the D.C.

We occasionally have had long weekends both in the U.K. and abroad with either set.

Which is why we know that a fortnight with one set would be extraordinarily trying.

Cheery I’m very sorry that you have lost your parents, that must be very hard.

We both love our parents, appreciate their good qualities and are thankful that they are in our lives. We see them often.

However that doesn’t mean that we should concede to every request they make no matter how inconvenient or unreasonable.

I’m sure your late parents were lovely but you must remember that that is not the case for every MNer.

You need to bring a little empathy to
your comments. Some posters will have extremely difficult relationships with their parents through no fault of their own.

In our case we make huge efforts to get along with everyone and involve them in our lives and in our children’s lives. We’re still entitled (and need) relaxed, stress free holiday time with our children.

Relaxed stress free holiday time isn’t always possible with other people in the mix, however much you might love them.

RedPill · 06/08/2018 02:51

I think family holidays are great, the more family the better in my opinion.

Do your children enjoy holidays with their grandparents?

JennyBlueWren · 06/08/2018 03:13

I think it depends how compatible your holiday ideas are. I used to travel with mum before I had children and we got on well. After my dad died I have invited her to join our holidays and it seems to work well although this year she is trying going abroad on her own.

We also try to organise extended family holiday but that is definitely more stressful but the only way really to see them all.

GoBigOrange · 06/08/2018 03:59

We do both.

Me, DH and our son usually have a week somewhere just the three of us.

Then I often have a weekend break just me and my mom.

Then DH's whole family spends a week camping together - both his parents, all his siblings plus some of their spouses and children. And sometimes cousins come along too! There were about 45 of us this year - great fun!

It definitely depends on what kind of family you have though - if you know they will be holiday enhancers or a stressy pain in the butt. I love my mother dearly, but a weekend non-stop is about my limit with her. But my MIL is very easy-going and never intrusive, so is a pleasure to vacation with.

Would suggesting a weekend away somewhere with the parents be a possible compromise? So they feel welcomed and included, without actually taking them along on your annual holiday.

Trazey · 06/08/2018 04:11

We've been with parents, PiL, friends, family and combinations of them. It's always been great.

whiteroseredrose · 06/08/2018 04:31

Away with PIL & DC at the moment. But at PIL house in Spain which is different. We have camped with them in the past too. Never with my DP as we have different holiday expectations.

We also have holidays just as a four too.

SabineUndine · 06/08/2018 04:53

I went on holiday with my parents once as an adult and once was enough. They were outside their comfort zone and expected me to spend every moment with them. I felt like an unpaid resort rep.

Oysterbabe · 06/08/2018 05:23

We been with pil a few times. I prefer it when it's just us but husband always wants them to come.

madeyemoodysmum · 06/08/2018 06:01

If we can afford several
Holidays in a year then we have had parents with us Usually a long weekend rather than a week. We did do a week a few times but it's too long.
They pay for themselves tho.

I wouldn't do it if it was our only holiday tho.

NurseryFightClub · 06/08/2018 06:19

Holidayed loads with my parents, always separate apartments though, so we have space, they are very laid back.
Have had a few weekends away with PIL, few years back, wouldn't be able to do it with children as they arent so involved with DD.

Cric · 06/08/2018 06:21

We do and have some wonderful holidays with both sides.

frenchfancy · 06/08/2018 06:23

We have holiday properties and often have extended families with grandparents staying. Especially when the DCs are young, basically they bring childcare with them.

Nquartz · 06/08/2018 06:26

Every year DD & i go on a UK holiday with my DM as I get more annual leave than DH. All holidays with DH are just us 3.

We went to florida with PIL 2 years ago, never again.

As a PP said, it depends on your compatibility and whether you want the same thing out of a holiday.

MintGreen · 06/08/2018 06:34

Yep - I agree it's a bit difficult. DH and I haven't been on holiday alone since our honeymoon three years ago, we always get invited to go away by one set of parents or the other and we don't like to say no, but can't afford another holiday just with us and DS. But DS adores both sets of grandparents and they all live a long way away so it's nice for him to spend some proper time with them, even if it's a bit more stressful sometimes. I have some fantastic memories of holidays with grandparents, aunties and uncles when I was young so I hope DS feels the same.

CountFosco · 06/08/2018 06:35

I think it depends on the family. We don't live near our parents so holidays are spent visiting them or having them to visit us. But we nearly always have Christmas on our own because I refuse to drag 3 DC and their presents round the country. It's our family time. We've been on holiday in extended family groups but I find it particularly stressful with the ILs because with 3 small kids we are ready to go at 9am but they don't surface for hours so we're all out of sync. My family is more child orientated.

CherryPavlova · 06/08/2018 06:47

We did a couple of holidays with our parents but it wasn’t succcessful as our expectations were so different. My in laws wanted their son’s constant attention and I became a servant. They complained about everything despite not paying anything or helping in any way.
We took my mother when I was pregnant with my first but she tried to be over helpful and there was a series of ‘disasters’ where shed tried to look after us. I’m thinking seriously burnt toast at 5am and waking to hear her scraping it very loudly before serving it to us and then getting huffy all day because we said we’d make fresh toast later. She ran me a bath but didn’t tell me so it flooded everywhere. It was all too stressful.
Our children come on holiday with us still sometimes but have separate holidays too.

MissBartlettsconscience · 06/08/2018 08:06

We only holiday with my parents for special occasions - big birthdays etc. But then, they live with us (granny annexe) so it is really important to me and DH to have some time when it's just the 4 of us.

Dh's parents like to holiday on their own. They love the dcs and are great grandparents but only for a day or two at a time now they're in their 80s. The dcs being around visibly tires them.

Cath2907 · 06/08/2018 08:11

Currently putting off packing camping stuff to go home. My parents are camping next to us and my sister and her kids next to them. I love spending time with my parents and we do this week away all together every year. We are away for other weekends just me DH and DD though. I accept we are possibly a bit odd!