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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to wonder who you go on holiday with?

71 replies

M4MMY · 06/08/2018 01:35

...Just that, really.

Every year, my parents desperately want to tag along and be included in our holidays. I don't feel I could handle the stress! I know I'm being selfish and normally I'm not but I just feel I need this me time...

My parents seem to think that it's normal for "families to holiday together". Is it? Do you go abroad with your parents and your children? Or just your children?

I really hate hurting my parents but I'm desperate to know if they have a point? I don't believe most families include grandparents.... Do they?

OP posts:

Churrolicious · 06/08/2018 09:33

We've been on holiday with MIL a few times, mostly because (a) she holidays the same way we do and loves to go to the same kind of places and (b) we have two toddlers and she is the queen of 'the kids are asleep, I'll sit in the lounge with a cuppa and watch TV because I'm tired, why don't you two go out?' which is lovely.

Would never ever in a million years go on holiday with my parents (although frankly they wouldn't go on holiday with each other despite being still together so I'm safe on that score).

sulflower · 06/08/2018 09:34

We never go on holiday with anyone, ever and don't intend to. We like the freedom to do do what we want without the hassle of trying to arrange things that suit everyone.

PoesyCherish · 06/08/2018 09:38

I've considered going with my parents in the past but honestly I think I'd have found the whole experience really stressful and not fun at all. Mind you just seeing them for a few hours is incredibly stressful so that has a huge impact on how I feel about it. DP's Mum can't go away she to her health conditions so we don't go with his family either.

We go with just the three of us - DP, DSD and I or occasionally just DP and I (e.g for a weekend away when DSD is with her Mum). DSD on the other hand does go away with her Mum and grandparents but they have a totally different relationship

MistressDeeCee · 06/08/2018 09:57

I holiday with friends, or with OH. Have been on holiday with DCs who are in their 20s - our extended family live abroad so it's more so about that, we don't spend much time together there. We have different interests obviously. I wouldn't traipse around behind DCs.

I don't know anyone that regularly holidays with parents. Your parents need to find a life. Why can't they holiday together?

BonnieF · 06/08/2018 10:26

Our holidays are always just the two of us. We both work full time which combined with time-consuming hobbies means we don’t get much quality time together, so holidays are important.

My parents once raised the idea of the 4 of us doing a touring holiday in the USA, this would have been a complete nightmare, so I declined as gently advised possible.

Retired people and teachers simply don’t understand just how precious those few weeks of annual leave are to the rest of us.

Ragwort · 06/08/2018 19:20

If I am being perfectly honest a real holiday for me would be completely alone, no DH & no DC . I am perfectly happy with my own company and find the endless compromising on holiday can take some of the enjoyment away! I do have a week away with a girl friend every year & that's great, we are both happy doing the same thing, eating at the same sorts of restaurants & having early nights - totally relaxing.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 06/08/2018 19:23

I have a holiday each year with friends, sometimes I go away with my mum and sister and I have a couple of holidays with my husband.

Next year we're doing 2 holidays with the in laws and I'm not going away with my mum and sister. Will go away just the 2 of us a couple of times and with friends.

Bumblebee35 · 06/08/2018 19:27

Just come back from a lovely holiday with my parents, my sisters, their partners and all our children. I loved it, everyone loved it. We did it 5 years ago and we're already talking about doing it again in 2 years time

Studyinghell · 06/08/2018 19:29

God no. I’d go on my own if I could. Never mind extended family. Short brakes with friends or siblings because our children are the same ages are nice, but not abroad

NotUmbongoUnchained · 06/08/2018 19:31

We do a big family holiday once a year and it’s so much fun.
I have 12 brothers and sisters most of whom have children so you can imagine the chaos

BluebellCockleshell123 · 06/08/2018 19:32

We do a mixture - most holidays are just me, DH & the DCs but every couple of years we do a week away abroad or in the UK with my parents & siblings and their partners & children.

We haven't been away with DH's family in the past few years but they stay in a holiday area so we spend several weekends per year with them there.

CakeNinja · 06/08/2018 19:34

My mum wanted us to go on holiday with her last year.
It was her, stepdad, sister and boyfriend, brother wife and 2 ds.
I said no thanks!
Love them all to bits but they’re very high maintenance and likely to bicker (in a loving way) constantly and I find it stressful spending more than an afternoon in any of their company
So it’s a no from me where my family are concerned.
Dps family though, they’re like the waltons! Never known a family like it. Noisy, big and no arguments ever.
We holiday with his siblings and families every Christmas and have done a couple with mil and fil because they’re very easy going and it’s enjoyable spending time together.
I’m not against holidays with family per se, but we are on holiday at the moment just us and it’s so lovely. We spend very little time together day to day so it’s nice.

lightonthewater · 07/08/2018 11:06

Considering doing a holiday with children and their partners next year. Last time we did this I was exhausted as I did nearly all the cooking, we paid for all the food and meals out and drove everyone around. How is it possible to make it work so this doesn't happen? Children are all skint and only one of them drives. They can't afford to hire cars, pay for meals etc. Some of them are good cooks, others can't cook really! I would love to do it but the logistics are a nightmare!

Rebecca36 · 07/08/2018 11:10

Have a short break or long weekend with parents, otherwise go it alone! I don't generally approve of lying but you could say you are having longer holiday with friends or you want to go somewhere (that they wouldn't want to go).

I didn't go away with grandparents - though did stay sometimes with grandparents who lived not far from coast, but that's different. When mine w small we invited grandparents a couple of times but it wasn't a regular thing. It was nicer when it was a novelty!

HollyGibney · 07/08/2018 11:10

I go with my children.

I would never repeat never go with my parents or even a group of friends. My parents are judgmental, critical nightmares. As for friends and group situations, I live by the mantra of "there's always one" as in there'll always be one that spoils it in some way and I just don't want to have to deal with that. My kids and I get on fine and have no unreasonable expectations. When they're too old to want to go with me, I will go alone or on dog friendly holidays with my dog.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 07/08/2018 11:13

I've just come back from a week spent with my DPs, my DBs and 1 DSIL, my DSs and their girlfriends. We go on a large family holiday every year and have done all my life. We're a harmonious bunch and have a lot of fun.

We love it. I see my DPs for several days about once a month but I only spend more than a day or two with my brothers during this precious week. I love everyone in my family.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 07/08/2018 11:15

Sorry, should read: I only spend more than a day or two with my brothers every year apart from during this precious week.

mumeeee · 07/08/2018 11:15

It's definitely not the norm in our family.
When our daughters were children our holidays were just for our small family and I know that was the same for my siblings and their families

fairgame84 · 07/08/2018 11:19

I don't go on holiday with anybody that doesn't live in my house.

My DP are desperate to have a big family holiday but there is no way I would go. I went to Centre Parcs with DP for weekend as they hadn't had a holiday for years and I wanted to do something nice for them but it wasn't great as we have different ideas about holidays.
For me a holiday needs to be stress free and it wouldn't be if other people were there as they would want different things out of a holiday.

bellsbuss · 07/08/2018 11:25

We are very fortunate that we do a mixture, 3 days in the UK with my OH, children , siblings and my mum. 3 days in the UK with OH, children , his parents and siblings. 5 days abroad with my mum and sisters , 5 days abroad just OH and I and 7-10 abroad OH and I and our children. Every other year in laws take us abroad for a week which is lovely and very kind but you feel like you can't do what you want as you haven't paid

Ragwort · 07/08/2018 17:25

light - just don't do it ........... you will end up paying for everything and doing all the cooking again .......... even 'adult' children can convert to child like mode with they are with their parents - whatever age.

What is it that appeals to you about a big family holiday again if it didn't work that well before? I have a few friends who take their 'young adult' children away with them but they all say that they only join them to get a 'free' holiday and then moan when it isn't entirely to their taste.

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