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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP replacing everything

71 replies

Silvermockingbird · 06/08/2018 00:33

DP replacing most of the furniture/rugs/curtains in the house with his own hideous taste

I do feel a bit unreasonable as he is the only one working. But for example next week he is spending nearly 2 grand on a sofa set from sofology that I absolutely despise. Probably the only one in the shop I wouldn’t consider.

He had a long time off work and I am in college and looking after our toddler, now he is back working and apparently I don’t get a say in anything as he is the one paying for it all..

I understand we have completely diferent taste but all I want is a compromise!

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 06/08/2018 00:36

Is it too late to halt him on the sofa?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 06/08/2018 00:37

Will you be the only one in when it is delivered? Can you act surprised a d refuse the delivery? Wink

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 06/08/2018 00:38

You’ve really got to talk to him about this!
You are cream home together and you should have a say!

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 06/08/2018 00:39

Cream should have read creating!

LanguidLobster · 06/08/2018 00:40

I did wonder :)

Original poster
Silvermockingbird · 06/08/2018 00:40

I feel like the more I protest the more it makes him want to go for it. I think it’s an ego boost for him since being off work for so long. I was browsing online and said “oh this ones really nice” and I just got a “I dunno why your looking your not the one buying it”

Yes I might just turn it away. Wink

OP posts:
JuniperBeer · 06/08/2018 00:42

And you’re still with this control freak why....??

Userplusnumbers · 06/08/2018 00:42

Get rid OP - at least that way he'll have to hand 20% of his salary over to you to spend however you like.

dingodon · 06/08/2018 00:42

I think his poor taste is the least of your problems

“now he is back working and apparently I don’t get a say in anything as he is the one paying for it all.. ”

On above alone he is an arse.

dellacucina · 06/08/2018 00:43

No. He sounds awful.

LanguidLobster · 06/08/2018 00:44

It should be collaborative, you need a good talk with him

SavvyBlancBlonde · 06/08/2018 00:44

Serve him all his most hated meals. You know. Because he’s the one not cooking, he doesn’t get a say.

Give him a week of that and then turn away the hideous choice things. Or ring up the shop and change the choice, then tell him and talk. Either it’s a partnership or it’s not.

MsPavlichenko · 06/08/2018 00:58

So you are doing child care for DC. And possibly other domestic stuff. So you are working. He can only go to his work because you are doing this. Otherwise he would have to pay for it.

You are both contributing financially, albeit differently.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/08/2018 01:10

Encourage Tell the toddler that s/he must is allowed to draw all over with felt-tips and get sticky marks on the sofa and any other large/important shared house items that mummy hates yet wasn't allowed a say in choosing. If DP isn't happy about this, then tough, as it's none of his business - YOU'RE the one doing the lion's share of bringing him/her up and YOU get to decide what behaviour is acceptable....

FrayedHem · 06/08/2018 01:16

Has he bought himself a throne yet? Maybe you could fashion one for him. Or a little crown. It doesn't sound like a pleasant way to live.

thegreatbeyond · 06/08/2018 01:19

I'm imagining a weird Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen clone, here.

Candyflip · 06/08/2018 01:35

Who pays for childcare for your dc? It is only a sofa.

WellThisIsShit · 06/08/2018 01:38

God he sounds tedious. Did you Lord it over him like this when he was off work (if you were working then)? I’m guessing you were very kind and mindful of his ego...

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/08/2018 01:40

I wouldn't put up with that nonsense. Any big purchases are a discussion in this house regardless of who is 'paying'.

steff13 · 06/08/2018 03:18

He sounds like a douchecanoe. Get rid.

mathanxiety · 06/08/2018 04:08

It's an ego boost alright - to use his earning power to put you down and make you feel powerless and voiceless in your own home.

It's the ego boost of a very unpleasant man.

You need to tell him this behaviour is completely unacceptable, that if he doesn't want to respect you fully and treat you as an equal partner then you will have to consider your options.

Seriously, do not let him get away with this twattish behaviour.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/08/2018 04:22

This is sooo not about his taste in furniture. It's about him being a controlling bully who doesn't value you as a partner. I don't give a FUCK who earns the most money. When you are partners, both of your wants and needs must be taken into consideration. You have far bigger problems than just an ugly couch, op.

FeistyOldBat · 06/08/2018 04:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theWarOnPeace · 06/08/2018 04:32

This has nothing to do with taste and everything to do with the fact that he sees you as having no value, and therefore no right to an input.

AjasLipstick · 06/08/2018 04:35

Oh I wouldn't stand for that OP. Not for ONE minute.

Tell him that if he won't let you have a say in the choices, then you won't be responsible for what happens to the furniture.

Or leave the bastard. I would. I wouldn't have that.

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