Losing my mind!! Breastfeeding a toddler

[stressedtiredbuthappy]

Please help. I'm a single mum to a fabulous dd 2.4, we're still breastfeeding but I've had enough, still feeds to sleep,wants to feed all the time(I usually refuse during the day)
I don't like being mauled constantly and have very little milk left , do it's 30 seconds on each breast then repeat repeat etc.
Dawn is the worst , awake at 4 then 5 then 6 at which point I usually pass her the iPad then doze for an hour.

I had a night away earlier this month. She was fine with my parents but the minute I walked through the door the next morning she was pulling my top off.

She has two days a week at nursery and naps beautifully there.

Help please I don't know how to break this cycle.

No experience as my son gave up just before 2.
Well done you for feeding for so long.
Could you buy a special bedtime milk cup for her to have while cuddled up reading stories so she still has the contact time. "here is your milk" "I'm sorry there isn't any there, have some from your cup" " I know its sad, I love having cuddles with you too, lets read a story together"..... etc
It works for some people but not all kids take it well!

Do you want to keep feeding or do you want to stop altogether?

2.4 is old enough to understand some rules. So if you want to keep bfing do it on your terms, e.g. only before sleep or whatever it is you decide. You’ll have a bit of a rough time for a few days but she’ll get the message. If you find it impossible to cut out the mornings start delaying the feeds. So if she wakes at 4, tell her she has to wait till 5. Once she gets used to five ask her to wait till 6 and so on.

If you want to stop some people find it easier to just stop completely, others to gradually reduce feeds as above.

NoknowNoknow what a monumentally unhelpful post. Do you post the first thing that comes into your head on all posts?

Noknow thanks for your reply really helpful.

Yes I do want to stop feeding altogether.

I was lucky and mine self weaned. My friend put plasters on her nipples and told her dad they were broken

@NoknowNoknow the who recommends bf to 2 years old.

Maybe use a sticker chart for just sticking to evening feeds or whatever you want to aim for.

@homemadearmy that’s made me chuckle I’ve got an image of Jodie Marsh wagging a finger at her dad before slinging her belt on to go out.

I slowly weaned DD at that age as I was pregnant and it was driving me nuts. I might weaned first (read her a book called 'nursies when the sun shines' but changed it to 'milk when the sun shines' because the word nursies made me feel ill). Then gave her water and cuddles at every wake up. It was far less painful than expected.

Then I went to set feeds instead of demand feeds, so morning, after meals, mid afternoon, bed time. Then I dropped one every week or so (but could have done it faster), leaving the bedtime feed til last. One night she tried it, said YUCK, rolled away and went to sleep, and I had a little cry because I knew it was our last one.

At this age she should be able to understand you so choose a day and tell her milk has gone. Give her a cup of milk (maybe let her choose a new one) and have a cuddle/story etc. Every time she asks say 'it's gone/no more milk. You will definitely have a few days where she won't be impressed but it still pass x

Fucking phone. I night weaned first.

How is her understanding? I would be very specific about the times she's allowed to breastfeed. We went for never during the day just at night at first, then just at the beginning of the night and once in the morning (once the grow clock has changed colour) then just at night then we did a whole last night thing etc. I would make it into an exciting thing as much as possible she gets a sticker everyday she does the new rule and then a treat at the end of the week (and you then cut out another feed).

Seconding the special milk cup and cuddles!
What also worked for me was returning to 'proper' bras with no easy access and wearing them in bed for a few nights.
Ignore noknow, we all have our opinions on what is 'right' but most people know to keep them to themselves.

NoknowNoknow What a charming person you are

OP Could you get a “special bottle for big girls” and get her all excited about drinking from it?

Homemadearmy I know it was a typo but I had a little chuckle thinking about how that conversation would have gone.

Noknow - what an offensive post

Op - it’s difficult as most solutions to stopping involve using a partner to help. Could you use your mum for a weekend and let your mum put her to bed at night? You kiss and cuddle her and say night then your mum sits with her until sleep. Then when you are back on your own kiss, cuddle and sit with her and if she asks for milk say ‘all gone’ with a bemused look on your face and open hands! After a weekend without feeding it might have all gone too.
Best of luck and well done on feeding to this age. It’s a thing to be proud of.

The thought of plasters on my nipples

DS2 is 26 months and exactly the same; he has molars coming so I think this is why he's still keen.

DS1 fed until 32 months. I started refusing in the day, night weaned him, then got my mum to put him to bed for a few nights on holiday. It was easier than I thought it would be!

Good luck

In exactly the same position with 2 year old DS so reading all of this with great interest!

I agree with setting some rules if you want to cut down.

To stop completely, you'll have a few days, maybe a week, of it being hard, particularly in the morning hours. I went with distraction, changing topic or location to avoid it. Which is much harder at 4am, I admit. But it's likely to be short lived until she gets the idea.

I stopped with my daughter at 2 years 5 months as I'd similarly had enough. I wasn't a single parent admittedly, but it all rested on me to change things. So my advice is to prepare for a short period of difficulty where you focus on distraction techniques, but keep the same amount of (non boob) physical contact for reaasurance. Then fingers crossed she'll move on.

We are having some success with getting our nearly 2 year old to understand that he doesn’t come out of his room before the sun comes up on the gro-clock, maybe you could try a similar technique with no feeds before the sun comes up on it?
I’m really struggling for other advice, we cracked night weaning by me going away for several days, then he was in full time nursery and gave up morning and evening on his own. I’m afraid that 8 months later he still sticks his hands down my top when he’s tired though.
Not sure where you’ll beat get advice either. The extending feeding groups on FB will understand the demands of feeding a toddler but are likely to push you to continue, forums like this, as you’ve seen will have so few people who fed past two that you’ll probably get some unhelpful reactions.

I usually get lots of fun drinks like chocolate powder for milk or fizzy water and juice etc etc and offer them instead of mummy milk every time. Distraction with anything and everything I can think of, to put them off for a couple of minutes and extend that or longer and longer. Make feeds as boring as possible, but cuddles and play time stimulating and lovely. Wear a stiff sports bra to bed and have a drink nearby to offer instead - though in my experience the waking feeds have always been the last to go.

It's tricky weaning at this age, but it can be done with a little creativity. :) You've done amazingly well to get to this stage. Feeding a toddler has a lot of benefits and can bring joy but it's also challenging at times (like parenting in general really!).

I feel your pain. My daughter is 21 months and still likes to breastfeed a lot. I've had some surgery and simply have not been able to breastfeed as much. I've tried explaining mummy ouchy. Sometimes she accepts it sometimes she screams. I ca't say it has been the easiest week but she has accepted it and started drinking more oat milk. She has started using a blanket as a bit of a comforter. So maybe a consistent message of mummy sleep you have teddy etc.

I was advised by HV to drop bed time feed first, then morning feed later. This massively reduced how much milk I made (apparently a bed time feed stimulates your breasts to make a load of milk overnight).

OK, I take back that last paragraph! You’ve had some great advice!

I gave up at a few weeks past 2 btw - but my lo cut down gradually herself to just one feed a day for the last 6 months or so. We then just started feeding every other night at bedtime, then every 3rd night or so. It was a lovely phase out.

She’s done one day without you so she’s able to cut down.def use your mum to help if you can.