Losing my mind!! Breastfeeding a toddler

[stressedtiredbuthappy]

Please help. I'm a single mum to a fabulous dd 2.4, we're still breastfeeding but I've had enough, still feeds to sleep,wants to feed all the time(I usually refuse during the day)
I don't like being mauled constantly and have very little milk left , do it's 30 seconds on each breast then repeat repeat etc.
Dawn is the worst , awake at 4 then 5 then 6 at which point I usually pass her the iPad then doze for an hour.

I had a night away earlier this month. She was fine with my parents but the minute I walked through the door the next morning she was pulling my top off.

She has two days a week at nursery and naps beautifully there.

Help please I don't know how to break this cycle.

Yes reckless a breastfeeding counsellor recommended that!
I think I'm about ready to try it

I sympathesize. I bf all my three until about 2 years. I can’t remember how I managed to stop with the first, probably dad always put her to bed and distracted her with stories. I did go back to work when she was 5 monthsbut managed to express milk for the day and she would feed more at night to make up for it.

The second stopped rather abruptly as I had to go to hospital for emergency op. After a week he had forgotten all about bf. I did feel a little engorged for a few days but that soon went.

The third had a mild bout of sickness and the GP advised me to stick to just water for a few hours. When he asked for a feed I told him it would make him sick, which he accepted. With lots of cuddles he actually stopped asking.

Good luck. There are lots of good ideas here which I hope help.

I've recently used a gro clock to stop my 2 year old feeding all night. I wasn't that hopeful when I bought it but it's worked really well (with hardly any tears!) I've gone from him being attached to me all night to not having any until 6:30am!!

Have you heard of Jay Gordon's nightweaning method? That might work well for you:

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Lots of people like it because it's compatible with co-sleeping.

The strong tasting liquid method is quite controversial - some feel it is cruel - but it's been around a long long time. It's mentioned in the original Romeo and Juliet as the way that Juliet's nurse weaned her.

I also found at some point DC wanted to feed in the night but it was hunger and breastfeeding no longer satisfied them.

My DD stopped her 3 year old by painting her nipples with that foul tasting nail biting liquid. Felt a bit cruel really but it worked.

It is cruel. Don't do this

My son is 2.7 and still feeds fairly frequently throughout the day, but only if we are at home and alone.

When we are out and about, and he’s distracted, he’s fine and doesn’t ever ask for it. It’s definitely a comfort/connection thing and I am fine with that - although in this heatwave it’s been more of a challenge.

I don’t have any particular plans to stop; I assume he’ll self wean when ready, but I am 23 weeks pregnant and wondering if he might back off a bit when the milk turns to colostrum in a couple of months.

I’ve read that some do, some don’t, so I suppose we’ll see!

I fed my eldest past the age of 3 and the youngest until he was about 2.5. It can get very draining at that age when you don't feel as if your milk supply is really replenishing but the demand is still there. You just want your body back for yourself at this stage. Once you've begun cutting back, it's easier than you imagine to let them know that there's no more milk left and cut it out altogether. Mine were considered very clingy little boys - pure cupboard love - but they accepted it very quickly.

I have no advice OP as DS is only 9mo so no plans to stop here - but just wanted to say well done for getting this far. You're amazing!

It depends how verbal your toddler but you can try saying the milk is gone and offering a substitute drink. Good luck

WhatAmISupposedToBeDoing

Lying in bed feeding my 1 month old and the end of your post made me cry! 😔

I got to that point with mine She liked to have it at bedtime then would wake in the night and instantly grab my boob for comfort. I decided enough was enough. So I had a little mommy daughter talk with her (2 at time ) I said mommy's milk is going bye bye and soon it will be all gone because dd is growing up to be a big strong girly now and don't need it anymore. I made a little chart and showed her that 1 bedtime feed is all I had left for her for a week. Took her to the shops and let her pick out her very own special big girl bedtime sippy cup. When she woke and tried I would say no more left your a big girly now and give her her new special cup and a hug . Shed have a few sips or just leave it. This worked for me and she only tried a few times that week before she gave up and went to bed without boob altogether. I also wore tops that didn't have easy access . Make a big deal out of it if she has a good night. Try not to get too worked up and upset over it. It's a pain now (litrally) but it will be over sooner than you know it. Good luck

I was in the exact same position with DS2. He wouldn't go near a bottle and I tried to stop many times but he could scream for hours and I was working full time. I stopped day feeds when he was 12 months. I waited until I had time off work, he was over 2½ and told him for a week or so leading up to it that he was a big boy and that I wasn't going to feed him. I had tried this (and everything else before) the night I stopped, he cried for 15 mins and went to sleep. He asked once the next day and then never again. I think it was that he finally had some understanding of what I was saying and the 'countdown' that it was going to stop. I know it's it's not as helpful as the other posts but I found less isolating knowing that other people had gibe through it too. It's so hard but it is possible. Good luck.

I would be very specific about the times she's allowed to breastfeed.

THIS!

First of all, she can smell you. If you are co-sleeping still, she can smell dinner. It doesn't help. Drop the night feed first, by creating space. If you can smell fresh bread in the supermarket, you get hungry and want to buy more. Same principle. You don't have to necessarily stop her coming in your bed, but if you can't smell bread, you don't want to eat as much...

Second, drop the feed before bed. Its the easier one to do. Get them drinking milk just before bed, so they are full and don't want anything more. Remember it can be for comfort too, so think about a substitute / distraction you can use instead.

This will help with dropping the morning feed, but this was the one I found hardest to stop. DS would wake up hungry and come pester me.

I found the night one easier to drop than the morning one.

Cover up. Tshirt or strappy top. Just let her have one at a time and be strict about this. Get grumpy about the twiddling. Its not ok. Let her know, that there are boundaries and gradually increase them at a pace you feel comfortable. The twiddling drove me mental (I believe its to increase milk production btw, so you want to stop it for that reason too). DS eventually realised that mummy getting grumpy and not getting very much milk didn't really make it worth it.

He had good understanding of instructions and words, but went deaf when it came to saying no to boob. It wasn't enough. He didn't understand why still. It had to be about effort needed not being enough to justify the amount of reward he got out of it too. I think that emotionally the comfort factor overides the logic, so this is why I couldn't reason with him over it, he had to understand on multiple levels.

DS self weaned eventually when we were both ready this way. He drove me nuts at the end trying to fight him off. I couldn't go cold turkey. Physically and mentally it simply wasn't right for either of us. It was painful and was distressing us both. Little by little worked for us.

DS stopped around 3 and a half but I probably could have done it a bit quicker if I'd have been a bit stricter about it, but I didn't really know what was working and why tbh until I had some hindsight on it. I personally couldn't find any info on how to stop once they were a toddler - it seems a bit of a blind spot. You just get people saying 'just stop' or 'go cold turkey' and not a lot else. Which is bloody useless. Its not something people talk about as few people are still feeding at two and there is the taboo anyway.

Distraction and breaking the habit!
So, e.g. mine always had a feed when we came home after the childminder's. So instead of going straight home we went to the rec ground and picked blackberries instead, and then when we came home I'd say "right, it's dinner time!" And put him straight in the high chair.
Or as soon as we came in the door I'd say "ooh, do you want some ice cream as a treat?" And of course he'd say yes, and then after the ice cream I'd say "let's play trains!' and then after a week or so, he'd just have forgotten that he used to have milk at that time and wouldn't ask for it.
Bedtimes we just started giving him milk in a cup. So every time he asked for milk, he got milk in a cup. The first couple of months he got as much milk as he wanted whenever he asked, and we gradually reduced it to just a last drink of milk before bed.
The last feed was in the morning - I was really loath to give that one up because it meant I got an extra half an hour dozing in bed, but it was time. I went away for a weekend, then DH did the first morning after I got back, then the next morning I did the whole "do you want a biscuit? Let's play trains!" thing and it worked. And then the next morning it was DH's turn again and DS asked to come and see mummy, so he brought him into our room and was absolutely devastated when I didn't feed him. Bloody DH. We just said no more milk, but I honestly think without that morning we'd have gotten away with it - we'd successfully done four days without a murmur by then.

I think basically she's asking for food and comfort, so if you can find a better way to give her that (biscuit, ice cream, chocolate buttons, cuddles and tickling, story, playing trains, something that's a proper treat), that will trump the milk. You don't have to keep giving her chocolate or whatever for ever, I found about a week was long enough for him to forget to ask for milk, and then we just changed the routine (basically, make it clear that this is a real treat not a habit so she doesn't keep asking for it.)

Good luck op. It's just a case of working out what wil suit you both and sticking to it.
With my first I night weaned first saying no boob until it's light. I offered to rub DD's back and sing a song etc but no milk. Offered water. She was cross for a few nights but then ok. I had to mean it and know I was ready.
With the others I put lots of limits on - not out of house, wait till you're in pyjamas.i couldn't stand the twiddling and gymnastics either.
It will soon be done and you'll have a big girl and this will be a memory.

I had similar with my daughter who turned 2 in April.
I just had enough and it was time to stop.
Especially with a 5 year old daughter sharing the same room. I was feeding her to get her to sleep which was throughout the night too.
I decided to go cold turkey on the day time and bedtime sleeps in February, and I know it's not for everyone but I gave her a dummy, she never took one before but did for this and it helped so much! I was still cuddling her just no boob.
Then in April I did during the night and she then started sleeping through the night!!
Then at the beginning of the summer holidays I stopped cuddling her to sleep because it was getting too much and that went a lot better than I expected too!
I agree with others about her understanding. I also did a sticker chart with my daughter, not sure she really understood why she was getting a sticker as she was only 22 months when we started but it might work with your daughter.