Losing my mind!! Breastfeeding a toddler

[stressedtiredbuthappy]

Please help. I'm a single mum to a fabulous dd 2.4, we're still breastfeeding but I've had enough, still feeds to sleep,wants to feed all the time(I usually refuse during the day)
I don't like being mauled constantly and have very little milk left , do it's 30 seconds on each breast then repeat repeat etc.
Dawn is the worst , awake at 4 then 5 then 6 at which point I usually pass her the iPad then doze for an hour.

I had a night away earlier this month. She was fine with my parents but the minute I walked through the door the next morning she was pulling my top off.

She has two days a week at nursery and naps beautifully there.

Help please I don't know how to break this cycle.

Whatever you decide do NOT stop cold turkey as you risk mastitis. You have to cut out feeds gradually.

You could consider the Dr Jay Gordon method for nightweaning initially or Sarah Ockwell Smith for a more gradual method.

Well NoKnow is a monumental twat. Ignoring their judgmental and ridiculous post!

I’m still bf my 19 month old dd, she’s sounds so similar to yours! If we’re out she’s fine, if she’s away from me there’s no issues, but as soon as she sees me she is a single-minded child! I’m really ready for our bf journey to end but not sure how. She screams at night if I don’t bf, and at 2am I just feel bad for my poor neighbours. Will be watching with interest.

Thank you everyone.
Her understanding is awesome, she was an early talker, misses nothing but she is boob addicted!
My mum is no help we have a lot going on and she can't stay for consecutive nights.

I still co sleep(on a king size mattress, no bed so maybe if I slept in the spare room and just fed to sleep?? Then refused in the night?

She gets so upset do you think whipping the iPad out is a really bad idea?
I spend loads of quality time with her during the day we do plenty together.

We stopped around around 27 months. I simply told him they were broken. He asked me to ‘fix it mummy’ but sadly I told him this was not possible. He seemed to accept this. Though did sometimes look hopefully at me to ask if they were still broken. Worked for me :) x

It’s amazing you have fed your dd for so long. You should feel proud.

I fed my ds until he was 18 months old and felt exactly the same as you. I felt touched out and just wanted to stop. I wanted to self wean but it didn’t work out that way. I had no idea how to stop and there was was very little support. I cut down the amount of feeds to just one at bedtime, then I stopped. It was so hard and my son was very upset. My husband had to do bedtime routine. It took about 3 days and then he was ok. Can your parents help at all?

About time she stopped feeding, there are women who bf their children until they're 3 but that's because they like doing it. Just tell her no, she's becoming a big girl, gently but firmly, give her cuddles and she'll get over it.

Yes sleep in different room and just feed once to sleep
Offer water in night if she wakes (she’ll be used to a certain amount of liquid at night)
Personally i think if iPad works go for it!

I wonder whether the IPad might be a creating a new 'routine'. I understand she gets very upset but I'd just try and tell her milk is gone but we can cuddle. I warned my DS about a week before I stopped. It was hard for 2 weeks but I'm very glad I persisted. I was defo ready though.

Many years ago a lady i chatted to was in the same position. She stopped her little boy by putting Gentlemans Relish on her boobs. It worked!

What I did with mine was offer them a choice between milk or story. At first they all chose milk, but gradually story won. Dd2 (who's still a bookworm) moved quickest. Ds, who was often ill and it was comfort when he was ill was the slowest.

Thank you everyone, red teapot I especially like your advice!!
It is really hard nobody tells you this when you start breastfeeding, however I am absolutely proud we've come this far but enough is enough now!

I distracted until we were down to just the before bed feed at about age 2, then didn't offer unless he asked for the before bed feed until aged 3. Then just stopped.

Well my friend put stop’n’grow on her nipples and told her three and a half year old that at that point the milk starts to taste nasty.. it worked.
I can’t help op as I fed mine for years and years. In fact I wish I’d fed DD1 for longer. She stopped at two and a half when dd2 was born.

I BF 3 past 2. One until 5 and one until 4.5. Basically I found that there would come a time when I was done with feeding at night. It was usually around the age of 2 I think. I would have to be the one who had the will of iron and I would just explain that whatever I called my boobs (can’t remember 10+ years later) were going to sleep, just like the trees and the sun and the birds do the people etc.etc. I just explained it as a story and then I would refuse the boob and say it was sleeping with everyone else. DH helped me out but as long as I was determined (and I was!) they all accepted it much quicker than expected, I mean one or two nights.

After night feeding was not an option I found BFing during the day dwindled to very occasional comfort feeding that was never an issue and didn’t cause any social issues. Except for immediate family noone had a clue the kids were still on the boob occasionally. All my kids are normal well adjusted teens who sleep and eat normally and would probably be horrified to know how obsessed they were with my boobs for years!!!

Actually my oldest remembered it clearly for years and said it “tasted like mummy”.

My daughters were that age when I stopped. I just told them that it was all gone and that was it. They still liked to pull my top down and lie against my chest for a cuddle but they accepted "all gone" as an explanation.

My son was three when I finished feeding him. His birthday was approaching, I was pregnant and I felt it was time to stop. He wanted an Action Man so we said that he could have one when he was three and he didn't have boobs anymore. On his birthday he got up and said "No more boobs. Can I have my Action Man now please?" and that was it. He never asked again.

Wowzers you're amazing!!
I'm BFing at 10 months with no plan to quit any time soon. I never thought what it might be like to stop... I've just read Sarah Ockwell-Smith Gentle sleep book and found it so helpful so she might be a shout. Maybe send an email if you can I think she does a Q&A session somewhere (Facebook?).
Keep us posted how it goes I'd be interested in what works for you.
Good luck 😉

@stressedtiredbuthappy

Please ignore the offensive and ignorant knowno person and Rebecca also. What you’re doing for your girl is fabulous and your bond with her will be amazing.
I hear from your posts that the relentless and the deman aspects of BFing are the issue- not BF itself. It’s a shame to feel you need to end this journey on a negative note- so I would definitely recommend reading the Dr Jay Gordon method as well as starting to put some boundaries onto this relationship. BF can be agreed that it’s only done at certain times or even in places such as bed only or a nursing chair etc and she can have alternatives. All four of mine weaned around 2 yrs 7/8 months and what helped one was having a new cuddly toy who was the milky bunny- so when dd could t have milk she could have bunny. This was what Psychology would call a transitional object. Your boobs are not just milk but are comfort and a form of feeling at peace with the world etc for your wee girl. So a cuddly toy alongside some cuddles could work. A reward chart to work towards getting a new toy is another thing that worked (this for one of my sons) and he was reminded that big boys got this toy and he only got milk at bedtime and nap time. That worked too.
A good bra and some non easy access tops also help. Let her be sad or angry but stick to your decision of when is okay for milk and when isn’t. Some people drop the bedtime one and other keep that til last. It’s up to you. But you can do this and be gentle at ending this journey over the next little while. And you will miss it- honest!!!

Did my own twist of that method at 22 months. Was 18 weeks pregnant and had just had enough.

Fed to sleep as normal then said boobies didn't work until morning. Dd woke 3 times a night. Very angry. Hit and bit. Actually made it easier to stick to cause she wasn't hurt just angry. Talked to her about what we did that day. And what we would do tomorrow. It calmed her down. She lay down and slept. Took about 2 weeks and she was pretty much sleeping through. We co slept for another few months.

Oh. And sleep in a high neck top that cane be accessed.

I co slept and night weaned...
Wore something less accessible to bed for a start. Cut out one feed at a time by simply cuddling DC back to sleep... it never became an issue but if DC had been distressed I probably would have fed and tried again the next night. It was comfort feeding more than anything else at that point and easy to stop by providing the comfort another way.
For the final "going to sleep" feed, we went out, bought a special "bye bye boobie" cup, and she had her warm milk in that. Apart from us both shedding a little tear the first night, (in an "end of an era" sort of way) there were no issues, and although it wasn't child led , it was smooth running.

No experience personally, but a blogger I follow recently stopped breastfeeding her toddler and did a You Tube video about it.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KvHbvlrCnxI

(Apologies if it’s useless, I mainly follow her for fashion posts, but find her videos really soothing for some reason.)

Probably not helpful, but the only thing that worked was going completely cold turkey when stopping the feeding, just said no every time she asked. The only thing I could get my DD to drink instead of breastmilk was luke warm tea! So she had that in a new bright pink cup she chose.

Thank you isadora, it's going to be very hard as she gets so upset at night but I'm very touched out, plus as I said earlier I think my supply has dwindled massively, she goes from boob to boob so quickly.
Plus when she feeds on one nipple she likes to twiddle the other!
I need to get strong and get on this!

My DD stopped her 3 year old by painting her nipples with that foul tasting nail biting liquid. Felt a bit cruel really but it worked.

They will eventually self wean, though it's a bit random when... I'd one stop before 2 and the other not till nearly 4, so if you're fed up with it waiting might not be the best option!
The WHO don't just recommend bf till 2, they recommend it for a minimum of 2 years.