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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just stormed out before I flew into a rage of epic proportions?

75 replies

Justaboutawake · 05/08/2018 15:52

Apologies in advance if this turns into a long one!
Am on holiday with DP and DD. For context, first holiday in 10yrs for me and first ever for DD.
Have been here for 3 days and have so far been acting as referee to DP and DD who just can’t seem to get along in another country although they are thick as thieves at home. Gripes between them so far are not wanting to spend all day either around the pool or on the beach. Granted there’s not really much to do here but so far today we have spent an hour out side and have been back in the room ever since.
Well I’ve had enough and, to avoid aforementioned rage, have just grabbed my phone and stomped out of the hotel room because I haven’t paid 3 fucking grand to watch them sit on their phones in an air conditioned room. This is just the tip of the iceberg so far for me. Each night we’ve been to bed extremely early and up at the crack of dawn and for what exactly? To sit on our beds with me bored out of my brain whilst listening to them saying they’re bored??!!

Sorry folks. Rant over as I’m now sitting like a loner on the beach watching all of the other families have fun

OP posts:
colditz · 05/08/2018 16:32

a) why are you as angry with a 10 year old who has no say in how holidays happen as you are with her adult father?
b) what are you doing to support your 10 year old's social entertainment apart from leaving her with a father who bickers like a child?
c) Apart from beach or pool, what child friendly things are there to do?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/08/2018 16:33

No don't leave them to stew, that's petty and you lose any moral high ground.

Just message them back that YOU are taking advantage of the beach/facilities rather than sitting in the hotel room and they are welcome to join you but you have had enough of sitting in the room, thanks.

prettygreywalls · 05/08/2018 16:36

What country are you in ? Can you not get on the local bus and have a day out ?

vandrew4 · 05/08/2018 16:36

Sorry, I'm coming across as harsh. You must already be upset. You can still all enjoy yourselves. If there's no entertainment/ stuff to do you'll just have to make up your own stuff. Get them to the pool and make up silly races; go to the beach and have a sandcastle making contest. Find somewhere that sells a bat and ball and play french cricket. Buy a set of cards and play next to the pool whilst having a drink.

I'm afraid that if you have a young child the days of holidays just lounging on the beach are over for a fair few years. in a different environment it's up to you and your partner to keep your daughter happy and entertained

GemGem97 · 05/08/2018 16:37

Yanbu - but I found it extremely hard being on holiday this year, currently PG and the heat + hormones just made me grumpy at the best of times even though I tried my best to smile!
Are they not enjoying the heat?

Original poster
Justaboutawake · 05/08/2018 16:38

It’s a very family friendly resort. There are literally hundreds of kids here and I am pushing her to join in and make friends but, as an only child, she is a bit shy with these things. Both loved the pool and the beach but will obviously not get moving without a swift kick up the bum and a chorus of “I don’t mind what we do”
I can afford the more expensive excursions but am told by the locals there are much cheaper options which is what I have now planned for the remainder of our time.

Both DP and DD have tracked me down and apologised for being lazy beggars and we are now about to have a game of water polo. Hopefully I won’t have to resort to anymore dramatic (for me) behaviour to get them to participate in what should be a fantastic holiday

OP posts:
vandrew4 · 05/08/2018 16:40

Don't try to force her to make friends with complete strangers. It's YOUR family holiday so you holiday together, as a family

MatildaTheCat · 05/08/2018 16:41

In my experience it can take a few days to settle into a holiday. Can you identify any potential friends for your dd and get chatting to their parents? She needs some kind of a way in.

Join in a few group activities and have a bit of a plan for each day and fgs don’t all be joined at the hip. Time alone is bliss.

Dragongirl10 · 05/08/2018 16:47

I would just TELL DD she is to come with you and swim, go for as walk whatever you are doing and leave DH in the room.

Have a zero tolerance for moaning too...l would be furious and never go on holiday with DH again, just go with DD next time!

Original poster
Justaboutawake · 05/08/2018 16:48

We are obviously out of the holidaying habit as I’ve bought the bat and balls, inflatables, cards and already tried everything mentioned by PP but they still prefer staying in! Now I’m going to chill and let it be whilst awaiting cocktail hour Wink

OP posts:
Charolais · 05/08/2018 16:48

Don't try to force her to make friends with complete strangers. It's YOUR family holiday so you holiday together, as a family

I so agree with this. When I was a child we used to go camping in Devon/Cornwall/Wales. I loved hiking in the hills, woods, looking around small villages and rock pooling with my mum and dad. I would have hated sitting on a crowded beach, or swimming in a pool on holiday because we would go every day to the local swimming pool back home.

Holidays were times the family could be together to have (mostly free) adventures and make memories. I only remember us having to pay for pony trekking and going out on a fishing boat. I can’t imagine being forced to make friends with strangers.

Lindalove · 05/08/2018 16:48

Have you tried telling them how upset you feel - without getting angry?

It's easy to plan holidays and build an expectation that everything will be a certain way - and then to get disappointed and angry when it isn't. Have they given you any idea what they'd like to do while on this holiday? (Besides sitting in a hotel room!) Do they not like swimming/mucking about in water at least?

A compromise may be in order where you can spend some time together but also spend a good proportion doing exactly what each of you want alone.

MissContrary · 05/08/2018 16:53

Ban the tech! That will get them out Grin

timeisnotaline · 05/08/2018 16:56

What weird comments! Dh is at failt surely for not being part of entertaining dd! I agree leave him to step up to some parenting and enjoy your book at the pool.

Fang2468 · 05/08/2018 16:58

Enjoy your water polo - I have noticed with mine a ball is the quickest way to get some kids over and they start chatting, whether it’s football or in the pool.

glintandglide · 05/08/2018 17:00

This thread is so strange, and I’m hazarding a guess it’s to do with the undercurrent of snobbery because OP has gone on a beach holiday.....

OP I totally agree that it takes time to settle in. As I read your post I was thinking I bet they’re on day 3.....

Elphame · 05/08/2018 17:01

It’s a very family friendly resort. There are literally hundreds of kids here and I am pushing her to join in and make friends but, as an only child, she is a bit shy with these things

At 10 that would have terrified me! I'd have been hiding in my room too.

vandrew4 · 05/08/2018 17:12

This thread is so strange, and I’m hazarding a guess it’s to do with the undercurrent of snobbery because OP has gone on a beach holiday
no. it's nothing to do with that ( I didn't even know going on a beach holiday was down upon?).....

longbar · 05/08/2018 17:13

Why has your dd never had a holiday? Have you been very broke/very ill?
I'm not surprised she doesn't know how to act!

glintandglide · 05/08/2018 17:18

It is in some circles van, usually by people who think their childhood camping holiday was some kind of amazing revolutionary educational fun and people who go on sun holidays just drink lager all day and eat English breakfasts.

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 17:31

I didn't even know going on a beach holiday was down upon?)..

Me neither 😂

Someone tell the filthy rich that beach holidays are passé.

Nikephorus · 05/08/2018 17:32

This thread is so strange, and I’m hazarding a guess it’s to do with the undercurrent of snobbery because OP has gone on a beach holiday.....
I'd hazard a guess that it's because OP has spent £3k on a holiday that doesn't seem (from the opening posts) to be remotely suitable for those on it.

Karigan198 · 05/08/2018 17:35

You are so far from unreasonable that to suggest it would be ridiculous.where are you? I bet some mumsnet people have been there and can make suggestions

Original poster
Justaboutawake · 05/08/2018 17:37

Ok nike hearing a bit of your point but considering we’re surrounded by families in a family resort I would’ve thought it was an appropriate destination. As per original post it’s our first family holiday and, given the time of year and only being able to go on holiday outside of term times, 3k is pretty reasonable from what I understand

OP posts:
quizqueen · 05/08/2018 17:37

Why does a 10 year old need a smart phone? Why does a 10 year old get to dictate what happens on a holiday which they haven't contributed anything to financially. Why did you and your DP book somewhere where there wasn't much to do? Tell her you'll leave her behind next time if she carries on and ask the hotel for ideas for sight seeing and catch a bus like the locals.