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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say the 40s are the best decade?

80 replies

Whatssheonaboutagain · 05/08/2018 11:14

We were at a wedding the other week of some friends who have been together about 20 years (2 teen boys) and it just struck me how much better and happier everyone now is in their 40s, compared to the last bout of weddings when we were all late 20s / 30s. Everyone is out of the “nappies / whinging toddler phase of the 30s” and consequently no longer shattered. People know who they are and what they’re about - be it SAHM or career- types. A lot of men get better with age and, in any case, they no longer feel the need to prove themselves all the time. The women know their style and still look fabulous. Mostly they fit into clothes they wore 20 years ago, but more importantly they wouldn’t want to and they don’t care. Plus everyone is just generally more interesting and pleasant company.

Also we’re on holiday at the moment and I love the fact that the kids (10, a tween and a teen) can occupy themselves and are generally great company and fun to be around. No more buggies, food-fussiness, tantrums and daytime naps.

AIBU to claim that the 40s are the best decade?

OP posts:

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 05/08/2018 11:16

I totally agree the best so far, let’s hope it keeps getting better

TheWizardofWas · 05/08/2018 11:18

Well I didnt start having babies till that decade, so hard to generalise. Enjoyed it a lot though anyway.

User212434667 · 05/08/2018 11:18

Loving this! Thank you! You are giving me great hope

Bellyscreen · 05/08/2018 11:20

I thought from the title you meant the 1940s

GunpowderGelatine · 05/08/2018 11:24

I'm not far off and can't wait, life begins at 40 I'm also at the stage where I don't give a shit about many things, and my life is better for it. For example, I have a 'Mum tum' and 5 years ago wouldn't have dreamed of wearing a bikini with my figure. I now realise that I have no one to impress, I don't care if people are offended by my spare tyre and will wear what I feel happy in.

I also changed career recently, after years unhappy in my field but afraid to leave because of a sense of loyalty to my work place who, in reality, wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire. It's the best decision I've ever made, I love my new job and feel no guilt about leaving (despite my old work messaging me about how awful it is without me there!).

It's very liberating and I only wish id had this carefree attitude in my 20s!!

Original poster

Whatssheonaboutagain · 05/08/2018 11:26

No not the 1940s . Also I think you can get a surge of energy in your 40s. You get a sense of yourself back once the “baby blur” of the 30s has passed. You can start to really enjoy your kids as the unique people they are. You don’t care so much what anyone thinks as life is too short. The other benefit (sorry if tmi) is your sex drive is higher than ever - many I know have also confirmed this. So good news all round really.

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 05/08/2018 11:28

I find getting older gets better as you develop a lot more self-awareness; confidence and all that brings with it. But some of us started conceiving in our 40s so certainly nappies, buggies and so forth are only just beginning.

Tweens and teens can present their own set of challenges which aren't necessarily easier than dealing with a snotty nose and a few shitty nappies.

I might also add that late 30s/40s divorce is very much on the cards and leaves a trail of bitterness and resentment. As is a certain feeling of 'never reaching' ones potential and feeling it too late to do something meaningful about it; mortgage; children etc make it much harder to just start from scratch.

All that said, I think its just one of those things. One of those moments of contentedness of sheer happiness and glow you experienced at this wedding.

SchrodingersMeowth · 05/08/2018 11:30

From what I’ve witnessed at weddings (I’m in my 20s) the ones in their 40s who “know” themselves are the ones who usually get drunk and make an arse of themselves and annoy all the people who are knackered and generally trying to get a bit of peace.
There’s one aunt in particular I am thinking of who would think it okay to be pissed in front of her teens at parties and weddings, mean while the teens are keeping their distance and not making a fuss because they’re fucking mortified.

I’ve made it a point to definitely never be like that when I’m older and I honestly can’t get my head around how some people think it’s okay to behave like that.

So...I guess my question is, was your group drinking?

alittlequinnie · 05/08/2018 11:31

I think it's dangerous to mark any decade as the "best" decade - does that mean it is all downhll from there?

Just take things as they come and enjoy the moment - there are good and bad points in all decades.

EscapistTendencies · 05/08/2018 11:34

Agree am on holiday with my 10 year old just now. It was my 45th a few days ago. He's suffering a bit with prickly heat and is happy chilling in our air conditioned room whilst I sit on the balcony with my book. I'm fitter than I was 20 years ago and generally feel great despite being menopausal. Stopped caring about others opinions years ago. I find getting older very liberating.

SilverDragonfly1 · 05/08/2018 11:37

Stopped caring about others opinions years ago. I find getting older very liberating.

As a previously very shy and low confidence person, totally this!

daisypond · 05/08/2018 11:50

Hm, it depends. Your 40s are the age in which redundancies tend to happen - and 50s as well. This happened to both DH and me and many people we know, and we've struggled ever since and have had to live with a much reduced income compared to our 30s and even 20s. This tends to coincide when your DC are tweens/teens and are very aware of the situation too, and it tends to be a bit damaging all round. So, eg, whereas you might have had foreign holidays or trips out when your DC were younger, now you can't afford it.

MrSpock · 05/08/2018 11:51

Surely depends on when you had kids? Mine will be 14 and 11 when I’m 35, so hopefully not in nappies

Jamforlunch · 05/08/2018 11:53

I thought my forties were my best years until I got into my fifties.

Kids gone, clean and tidy house with all those wardrobes and rooms empty. DH and I free to eat what we want when we want and plan our retirement.

HRT means I'm the healthiest I've felt in decades, no more periods, aches and pains or hormonal mood swings.

Fifties are definitely the best decade yet for me.

liz70 · 05/08/2018 11:54

"I thought from the title you meant the 1940s"

So did I! WWII, Holocaust - surely not?!

MoorMummy · 05/08/2018 11:57

Definitely ! I’m 47, DS nearly 20. Husband retires from the police soon and has another job to start so we’ll be in a good place financially ( or better anyway).

My jobs ok , and I’m fitter and slimmer than I’ve ever been. And happier because of that. I looked shocking at my 40th , I was drinking far too much wine and was puffy and bloated.

Knocked the wine on the head and just have a few beers now.

Life not too bad at all. Just need to get DS through uni now!

Whatsforu · 05/08/2018 11:58

I don't fully agree with you. As pp said teens bring a different set of worries. Some men do improve with age whereby women are entering the peri menopause stage. I think it is also a time when marriage can go through a difficult stage. Where is this new found energy??

crunchymint · 05/08/2018 11:59

I know research shows that generally people get happier as they get older. But of course getting older brings new challenges. The worst is that as you get older you are more likely to have to deal with very ill and frail elderly relatives and people your own age dying. I had bereavements when I was younger, but it is very stressful when you have a close elderly relative very ill with no hope of getting better, for a few years before they die. People in their forties sometimes have the challenge of still having children, plus elderly family to look after. So it can get very stressful for some people. And forties and fifties is when you get a few people your own age dying from cancer. Lost a close friend.

CharltonLido73 · 05/08/2018 12:04

I really enjoyed my 40s, for the reasons that people have given above.
Each decade has its pros and cons.
I'm now rapidly approaching my sixth decade, and it is going to be bitter-sweet. I've just retired, we've paid off the mortgage and are very financially secure, both girls have been through university and are in work and in great relationships. However, I'm facing the empty nest and the prospect of old age - so that's a downer. Also, it's so hard to keep the weight off at this age. I weigh a stone more than I did 20 years ago, so my main focus at the moment is on shedding it.

OneToThree · 05/08/2018 12:05

I’m 44 and agree with you.

Original poster

Whatssheonaboutagain · 05/08/2018 12:05

Schrofinger - yes we were all drinking from 1pm onwards but I don’t recall anyone making a spectacle of themselves.

Actually, that is one difference now you mention it - I can’t drink wine at all these days. I fall asleep and the hangover lady’s days. Fortunately though, there is always the cocktail menu!

I also feel fitter than ever in my 40s because I have time for running and Pilates. More importantly, I stopped comparing myself to other women years ago because I’m just glad to be healthy.

OP posts:

CharltonLido73 · 05/08/2018 12:07

People in their forties sometimes have the challenge of still having children, plus elderly family to look after. So it can get very stressful for some people. And forties and fifties is when you get a few people your own age dying from cancer. Lost a close friend.

Yes, I had this in my 50s - full-time work, teenage children needing endless ferrying to activities, plus a seriously disabled mother to care for at weekends. It was tough going at times.

My husband lost his best friend from our university days a couple of years ago. he was 56.

Gruach · 05/08/2018 12:14

Well ... Does seem a bit pointless to generalise about people’s life stages at any age. Your friends may mostly be at the same stage as you - because it’s the things you have in common that would have brought you together - but your description may well not resonate with other people in their 40s.

Anyway ... I often seem to hear, from properly elderly people (in their 90s, say) that the best age is around 67. Which gives me hope!

CherryPlum · 05/08/2018 12:15

Nah it depends on circumstances, e.g. elderly/infirm parents to care for, redundancy, divorce, ill health, you just can't generalise.

Tinycitrus · 05/08/2018 12:25

My forties have been great so far - making strides in my career, kids are doing well at school. Best decade

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