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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say the 40s are the best decade?

80 replies

Whatssheonaboutagain · 05/08/2018 11:14

We were at a wedding the other week of some friends who have been together about 20 years (2 teen boys) and it just struck me how much better and happier everyone now is in their 40s, compared to the last bout of weddings when we were all late 20s / 30s. Everyone is out of the “nappies / whinging toddler phase of the 30s” and consequently no longer shattered. People know who they are and what they’re about - be it SAHM or career- types. A lot of men get better with age and, in any case, they no longer feel the need to prove themselves all the time. The women know their style and still look fabulous. Mostly they fit into clothes they wore 20 years ago, but more importantly they wouldn’t want to and they don’t care. Plus everyone is just generally more interesting and pleasant company.

Also we’re on holiday at the moment and I love the fact that the kids (10, a tween and a teen) can occupy themselves and are generally great company and fun to be around. No more buggies, food-fussiness, tantrums and daytime naps.

AIBU to claim that the 40s are the best decade?

OP posts:
Destinysdaughter · 05/08/2018 19:14

Personally, I agree with this, had such a great time throughout most of my fourties. End of the decade not so good as got made redundant and also ended up with parents v unwell and was a carer for my dad who had dementia. However I did fulfil a lifelong ambition of travelling around India after I got made redundant. Make the most of your fourties everyone!

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 05/08/2018 19:18

I’m 48 in a few weeks.
My 40s have been mixed. My biggest joy was having (my only) DS aged 40. Since split from his dad and been through quite a lot of split related issues; custody. House.
As pp said, my 40s have been my learning decade.
Have started thinking hard about my retirement and what that could look like.
I did a lot of partying in my 20s & 30s, and felt lost.
I thought I had finally found happiness in my 40s, but that was snatched away.
I am looking forward to peace & acceptance in my 50s

Lynne1Cat · 05/08/2018 19:29

Yes, I was really happy in my 40s. Sons were employed but still living at home. I had just managed to get a social life going. My weight and shape were good. I had a good wage coming in (4 wages in our house, with sons and husband). We'd just started going abroad for holidays.

Now, I'm 59, sons have their own life, own homes etc. I have a great social life, a few exercise classes too. I've got a well-paid job, few hours. My time is my own. But my body and weight.....oh god how I wish I was as fat as when I thought I was fat, instead of actually BEING fat!

Disquieted1 · 05/08/2018 19:30

Assuming you're not dealing with some kind of trauma such as bereavement or illness, there are three things you need to enjoy stuff: energy, time and money.

When you're young you have energy and time, but no money.
When you're middle-aged you have energy and money, but no time.
When you're elderly you have money and time, but no energy.

Maybe the OP is in a sweetspot when it has all come together for a while.

BackforGood · 05/08/2018 20:29

YANBU.
Whereas obviously it is a generalisation, and each and every one of us have our own sets of circumstances, I will often say something similar when people post on here about "dreading their 40th Birthday".
that said, IME, it just continues to get better in your 50s, so being in your 40s might not be the best decade yet Smile

DotForShort · 05/08/2018 20:34

It depends on individual circumstances, of course. Certainly hasn’t been true for me. The opposite, really.

MrsKoala · 05/08/2018 20:45

When i turned 40 i had a 4 yo, a 2yo and a new born. Mil died. We started caring for fil with dementia and my parents moved nearer so i could start helping them out when they needed it. Most of the people i know with preschoolers are in their 40s.

But personally it's the happiest and most confident i've felt in myself and having the children has made me very happy.

Applepudding2018 · 05/08/2018 21:46

Oh dear - in my 50's - elderly parents, teenage DC, health niggles starting - and the best years of my life are past!!!

NicoAndTheNiners · 05/08/2018 22:17

I have no parents or in-laws at all.. infact no family apart from dh and dd. So not getting pulled into a caring direction.

Birdsgottafly · 05/08/2018 22:34

I see a lot of 40+ Women on here are married still, or have partners.

I went through a tough time during the Menopause and have incontinence issues, which has ended my sex life.

For me, the best time was late 30's to 45. So I agree, but it doesn't necessarily get better, that's a matter of luck.

I've a lot of Friends who are starting to have health issues.

I don't have anymore money, thanks to my Grandchildren Grin.

I'm finding I'm at an in between stage. I'm not in the ideal age range that Hobby Clubs/Organisations want, but I'm not old enough for the one's that do.

Mytwistedimagination · 05/08/2018 22:48

Disagree. You suddenly realise everything you've worked towards or wished for will never happen. Hence why so many people have mid life crises at this age. At least when you are in your twenties even thirties here is some hope and dreams.

Completely agree, and it's nothing I did or predicted happening. First years of he decade were fine, settled, good family life etc. Then got blindsided by dh, and suddenly realise my life isn't settled and secure, prospects for a decent sustainable career/pension etc are poor, still have dependent DC and now elderly parents to worry about, and my own health is going downhill, as well as associated perimenopause and age related issues. As op said, at least I had hopes and dreams when younger. Now I know they're unachievable and I don't have a good plan b.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/08/2018 00:42

*I think it's dangerous to mark any decade as the "best" decade - does that mean it is all downhll from there?

Completely agree. I can't remember who it was, but I recall reading an interview with somebody famous and not particularly old and one of the (same old) questions they were asked was "What was the best day of your life?" Their brilliant response: "I hope I haven't had it yet!"

shortsaint · 06/08/2018 09:06

I'm with you. Teenagers can be (very!) trying, parents getting older, but in myself I feel more confident and enabled somehow. And the freedom to do things independently again as the kids get older is like being back in our 20s.

gamerwidow · 06/08/2018 09:14

I had been enjoying my 40s but then I got ill. I still like it better than my 20s but I wish I hadn’t taken my young healthy body for granted. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

crunchymint · 06/08/2018 12:40

My early 40s were great. My late 40s were full of bereavements and caring responsibilities.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/08/2018 12:45

I too thought you meant 1940s was gonna say Bomb’s dropping put a dampener on it.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/08/2018 12:45

Bombs dropping

Cachailleacha · 06/08/2018 12:46

Depends when you have kids, mine will be an adult when I'm 40.

Britchick77 · 06/08/2018 14:21

I can’t tell you what good timing this thread is. I’ll be 40 in 7 months and have been totally dreading it & feeling like life is over.

That may sound dramatic but I keep hearing stories of people getting overlooked at job interviews, becoming ‘invisible’ socially, bodies starting to fall apart, fertility declining (I don’t have kids and would love them). Generally everything going downhill.

So it’s really good to hear it’s not all bad, or doesn’t have to be. I’m sure it won’t be a picnic (I may have to accept the kids thing is not happening). And I don’t doubt that the challenges people mention are real - elderly parents etc.

But then my 20s were very stressful too and my 30s have had their challenges - it’s easy to look back with rose tinted glasses.

It’s nice to hear some positive stories for a change. It can be onwards and upwards :)

Thirtyrock39 · 07/08/2018 08:24

Agree with some of the positives already listed- def re kids getting easier and marriage generally very good now, career on track, fitter and healthier- exercise more, drink less
A big negative for me though is friends. In my 20s obv a really social time then in my 30s had a really close group met through toddler group, school gate etc etc who I'd see every day and all had lots of time to catch up ...now in my 40s have to work hard to maintain friendships as most of us back at work, kids more independent so don't meet as often through them , a lot relocated due to career changes etc ...

ShatnersWig · 07/08/2018 08:29

Disagree. I am loathing my 40s although I have no problem ageing. I much preferred my 20s.

Vitalogy · 08/08/2018 11:06

I'm not sure if you're aware ShatnersWig but you come across in general as very negative.

ShatnersWig · 08/08/2018 11:46

@Vitalogy There you go, proves my point! Grin Was never negative in my 20s. Or 30s come to that. Which is odd, in many ways, if you knew all the shit that happened to me between the ages of 18 and 36, you'd have expected the reverse. In real life I hide it very well, I am the person everyone comes to with their problems, life and soul. It's on here the real Shatner comes to play!

KoolAidPickle · 08/08/2018 11:48

Everyone is out of the “nappies / whinging toddler phase of the 30s” and consequently no longer shattered

I'm in my 40's and still in that stage, as are most people I know.

MorningsEleven · 08/08/2018 11:54

My forties have so far been a nightmare.

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