AIBU to say the 40s are the best decade?

[Whatssheonaboutagain]

We were at a wedding the other week of some friends who have been together about 20 years (2 teen boys) and it just struck me how much better and happier everyone now is in their 40s, compared to the last bout of weddings when we were all late 20s / 30s. Everyone is out of the “nappies / whinging toddler phase of the 30s” and consequently no longer shattered. People know who they are and what they’re about - be it SAHM or career- types. A lot of men get better with age and, in any case, they no longer feel the need to prove themselves all the time. The women know their style and still look fabulous. Mostly they fit into clothes they wore 20 years ago, but more importantly they wouldn’t want to and they don’t care. Plus everyone is just generally more interesting and pleasant company.

Also we’re on holiday at the moment and I love the fact that the kids (10, a tween and a teen) can occupy themselves and are generally great company and fun to be around. No more buggies, food-fussiness, tantrums and daytime naps.

AIBU to claim that the 40s are the best decade?

Facing the shock of perimenopause at 43 I'm not too sure at the moment, but it's nice to feel happy with what I have (a lovely dd).

I wish I had had more children, but my cup is half-full.

Of course I’m generalising a lot and disaster can strike at any stage. I was just thinking that when I was in my 30s, I wouldn’t necessarily have forseen the benefits of what was to come.

I’m looking at all the 20-something men round the pool and they all have waxed chests and backs (ew)! drinking all day and showing off. I think men definitely improve with age as well.

That said, I’ve not had any menopausal symptoms yet (42) so maybe I shouldn’t speak too soon.

Loving my 40's albeit I have young kids ... so thinking life begins at 50 for me as youngest will be 10 by then
Maybe even 60!

I’m 42 very soon and am happier than I’ve ever been. I have more money and more free time than ever before. I’m fitter and slimmer than I’ve been since my early 20s. Dd is an older teen and I feel that it’s my time now.

Don’t agree. Perimenopause is crap.

I'm nearing the end of my forties and two bereavements and a relationship breakdown have made it the most difficult decade so far.

Without a doubt, though, I regard it as my "Learning decade". The above events have pushed me to undertake counselling, to take care of my mental health and to be a HELL of a lot kinder to myself. I've cut my drinking in half (it was far, far too much) and am cutting drama (and dramatic people/scenarios from my life).

I have so much more confidence about effecting my own change and having agency in my life, instead of waiting/hoping for things to happen.

Next on the "Learning" list? Leaving London and sorting out my unhappy job situaton.

Onwards, onwards, onwards.

I also don't agree. You really can't generalise as everyone has different circumstances to deal with.

My 40s have been very challenging so far and while things are more settled currently, I can see there is more crap on the horizon - aging parents, job changes, health etc. I'm hoping the menopause gives me a good deal as I've had enough to deal with so far without that being difficult as well!

Mixed bag for me, I'm 43:

Positives:
Kids are gradually getting more independent (ages 11 and 8)
Have a stronger sense of my own personal style. Love dying my hair different colours and experimenting with clothes and makeup.
Don't have to pretend to like things that I don't like.

Negatives
Harder to keep weight off than it was. Went skinny after having my kids, but was on ADs which seem to have changed my body for ever, that said I have lost a 8 pounds since the beginning of June and I'm still going

Sense of feeling that I haven't achieved anything. Work for myself and the money is ok but the uncertainty aspect is scary and I'm scared of getting left behid.

More worry about my pension, pot very small, not able to add that much to it.

Elderly Dad. Bad problems for years cause of his partner. It's all going to come to a horrible end one of these days. He has health problems but won't see a Doctor and she has dementia although he is in denial.

Wondering if your marriage is going to make it cause kids still need a lot of attention. No privacy or family support. Hoping that this will improve once the kids are in their teens and out more.

Lost a close friend at 39 and my MIL at 40. Both of these things have overshadowed things a bit in the last few years.

Less energy. I have noticed that my energy has definitely gone down the last few years. Have joined a gym but have no time to go at the moment.

I completely agree but a lot of my friends were last chance mothers, so while I'm swanning around feeling settled and having more money and whatnot they are managing toddlers. Uff.

Disagree. You suddenly realise everything you've worked towards or wished for will never happen. Hence why so many people have mid life crises at this age. At least when you are in your twenties even thirties here is some hope and dreams.

I thought you meant 1940's too because you put 'the'.

Your title should be AIBU to say your 40s are the best decade.

Yes, 40's have been the best so far. I care less about what others think of me. My son's grown up. I feel quite content in general, I'm looking forward to the future!

We were late having a baby. DH was 41 and I was four months off turning 40 when Dd was born.

My 20’s were okay but we moved around a lot with DH job and he was away a lot.

My 30’s were miserable at times as we went through six miscarriages then.

I love my 40’s I’m 46 now and the happiest, slimmest and fittest I’ve been in my adult life. Had a mid life crisis at 42 and decided to lose weight and I took up running and did my first marathon last October at 45. Having Dd late in life has kept me ‘young’.

Ooh good!

I’m really looking forward to being in my 40s. I’m currently 35 (well, nearly) and DDs are 11 and 7 so will be teenagers when DH and I are in our 40s. It will be nice to be able to go out together without getting a babysitter, we’ll hopefully be better off financially (mortgage either paid off or close to being paid off). I don’t want to wish time away, especially with the DDs but I am looking forward to it.

Yes for me op. Our last child was in full time school.. I didn’t need to work so did lots of gym and lost a stone. Felt fitter and looked better than my baby years of 20s/30s

Now 50s have grandparent child care responsibilities, helping kids get on the housing ladder, aged and infirm parents that need lots of help. Uni fees for younger ones. It’s more stressful now.

Mmm. My marriage fell apart in my 40s. I had a parent die and another now having health problems. I give what attention I can, but I am now a single parent who works full time, so I'm pulled 3 ways.

Dating is difficult with the little time I have available and I'm facing the prospect of perhaps never meeting another partner. The pool of suitable single men is much diminished.

I am also faced with plugging the gap in my pension and trying to raise another mortgage following the financial disaster that is divorce.

I am tired and sad. I never get to have any fun. My 20s and 30s were much better.

Im 55 and find my 50s better than my 40s. Im fitter than i was in my 40s, my dc are 20 and 22 so still very reliant on us when we were in 40s

flumpy same here, still in the fog with preschoolers so am definitely not my best decade yet!

Nope. I've had one thing after another health wise. Then there's teenagers and ageing parents at the same time. Here's to my 50's!

DH are in our late 30s, all our dc will be in their teens when we are in our 40’s so I’m not looking forward to that so much but I’m enjoying it now where the baby and toddler years are over and the dc are more independent.

I agree you can't generalise

But I am reasonably confident at 39 that my fourties will be the best yet

I've had my DC and at 5 and 2 by the time I got 40 in 11 months I think I'll be bang smack in the fun years with them

I have much more confidence and it's interesting that a pp above commented on how much of a nuisance letting your hair down is to others...thats rather the point....whilst I actually don't choose to go out very often ...and very rarely if ever in years get drunk...i honestly do t care about the judgey brigade anymore...i laugh at them so the older I get the more ridiculous I find the p.o. faced squad (who to be fair can be any age) I've been through so much in my thirties , marriage breakdown, a stroke etc that I've lost the need to care about what others think of me

After an extremely hard few years I'm excited to see my fourties next year....my relationship is happy my DC are getting happier and more settled every day , I'm getting fitter and stronger

And as I say...i don't care anymore what others think so I'm not constantly , as I was in my twenties,having the shine taken off things from others opinions

I know there will be challenges like elderly parents and menopause but honestly after the last three years nothing can be as bad

I was joking the other day the old adage for me is so true...lifes beginning again at 40

I started a thread last night, specifically shitting myself about being 40.

I hope you're right op

Its usually the decade where the parents start to get a few health problems, I think that can make a big difference.

Mind we're older parents and they both passed when I was 40. So this decade means I don't have any responsibilities other than the kids and DH and myself.

But I think a lot of people in their 40s start to get pulled in different directions just when things should be getting easier.

40s - losing parents after long term care of them, menopause, career crisis and eventually leaving my 20 year legal career, end of long term relationship, realisation that I would never have children horrid.

Now 51 and retrained and doing 2 part-time jobs that pay less but that I really enjoy, that give me lots of free time, feeling healthy and feeling that if I meet a man fine but knowing that if I don't, then so be it.

Own house, no mortgage, fit and healthy and lovely dog. Happy in my own company. No long reading one self-help book after another. Still have insecure moments but I cope with them.

Life did not work out as I expected it to and I have no family but I have alot compared to many and nice things seem to happen every day, even if small things.

So overall I would say 40s were the worse decade for me and happy to be where I am now and looking forward to more progress.