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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give less money for this holiday?

52 replies

forbiddenfruitcrumble · 05/08/2018 11:12

DS is at university, will be going into his 3rd year in October.

He usually still comes on holiday with us.

When we talked about this summer I asked him if he wanted to come with us or if he had stuff planned with friends. He has always talked about going traveling and some friends was going to India, so he thought he would go with him but didn't have the money. I said if he didn't want to come with us I would give him a chunk of money to go traveling, 1.5k.

I offered this because DS has had a very difficult childhood (not with us) and I really wanted him to have this experience.

He has now told us that the friend who was going to India is now going to a former USSR country. I didn't think of the money when he first mentioned it, I was impressed he had the guts to go off the tourist track and rough it a bit traveling. I have since discovered that this country is the new techno club centre which fits in perfectly with his preferred recreational pursuits.

I have already paid for his flight, which was much less than it would have been to India. Would I be VU to massively reduce the amount on offer? He also hasn't worked at all this summer.

OP posts:
PorkFlute · 05/08/2018 11:16

It’s not clear to me from the op exactly why you want to reduce the cash?

Original poster
forbiddenfruitcrumble · 05/08/2018 11:17

Sorry, you're right, that's not clear. The original plan was to go to India for a couple of months. 2 weeks isn't traveling, it's just a holiday.

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 05/08/2018 11:19

Ah so he's gone from travelling to a cheaper (Prague?) clubbing holiday? YANBU. £1.5k in somewhere like Prague is asking for trouble!

ProudThrilledHappy · 05/08/2018 11:19

It seems mean to reduce it if you were happy to give £1500 in the first place.

He may have found a cheaper holiday to make it better value for money with the budget you gave, which shows he is sensible

MatildaTheCat · 05/08/2018 11:19

YANBU because he’s not ‘going travelling ‘, he’s ‘going on holiday.’

Jasperoonicle · 05/08/2018 11:19

You offered him 1.5k for a holiday. How he spends it and what on is not your concern after that. It would be unfair to dangle the carrot and then take it away.

Urbanbeetler · 05/08/2018 11:19

Talk to him about it and see what he feels is reasonable?

MadMags · 05/08/2018 11:19

Of course you shouldn’t give him all that money! He doesn’t need it, but he’ll spend it.

Clairetree1 · 05/08/2018 11:20

I suspect he has made plans with this budget in mind, so a bit unfair to cut it now

ProudThrilledHappy · 05/08/2018 11:20

Sorry cross post, so rather than getting a long life experience he wants to blow it on a short holiday? No I would agree then that the amount you offered was based on the long duration of the trip and you would be reasonable to reduce the sum

Urbanbeetler · 05/08/2018 11:20

Prague? Off the tourist trap? Hahahahaha it’s a freaking nightmare of tourism these days.

PorkFlute · 05/08/2018 11:23

Ah ok. Ask him how much he thinks he’ll need and see what he says? He may well agree with you that he no longer needs 1.5k. You could save the rest and give him it at a later date towards a first car/deposit or something if you want him to have it but feel he’ll piss it up the wall.

Original poster
forbiddenfruitcrumble · 05/08/2018 11:24

The thing is, for a holiday like that he could have earned the money to go easily. He has been home for months (short terms at his university) and we live in the centre of a city with lots of work opportunities. He's not going till the end of August.

Clairetree - I suspect he has made plans to do lots of clubbing, but do I want to subsidise this?

OP posts:
Original poster
forbiddenfruitcrumble · 05/08/2018 11:25

urban it's not Prague, it's Georgia.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/08/2018 11:26

If you're going to reduce it (and I absolutely would) you need to tell him now because he will be planning this holiday with this budget in his head. He hasn't saved because you've offered enough for a big splurge.

daisypond · 05/08/2018 11:26

You need to talk to him. It seems reasonable to reduce the money to me - you're right, it's a holiday for two weeks in Europe, not two months' travelling in India. Travelling can develop all sorts of skills to do with self-reliance, etc, so I can see why you would have wanted to help and encourage that. I think 1.5k was a lot to offer in the first place, though.

HellenaHandbasket · 05/08/2018 11:28

Yeah, just tell him that he won't be needing that amount for two weeks in Georgia so you'll give him X amount

MadisonMontgomery · 05/08/2018 11:28

Why don’t you just sit down, have a conversation with him about the holiday, how much are flights, hotels etc then casually ask how much he thinks he’ll need? I think it isn’t unreasonable to give him less, you originally thought it was months of travelling and now it’s a cheap short break.

longwayoff · 05/08/2018 11:30

Hes taking the proverbial. Give him 500.

ShumpaLumpa · 05/08/2018 11:30

£1.5k was for 2 months travelling. YANBU to reduce it for a 2 week holiday. Perhaps to £500 as flight is already paid for.

Be careful you don't encourage an entitled attitude due to his difficult childhood. Most people have Saturday/part-time jobs from teen years.

fourandnomore · 05/08/2018 11:32

Not unreasonable at all, it will be wasted spending that on a two week holiday, have a frank conversation with him about need - perhaps you could agree an amount you will contribute and the rest will be set aside for future adventures. Also, he could still get casual work if he wants more money to take. I can understand him not having worked though given that he thought he was going away for two months, funded by you.

Aridane · 05/08/2018 11:33

YANBU - but Georgia is AMAZING. The only country in the world that at passport control welcomes you to ythe country with a bottle of red wine and a welcome to Georgia greeting

Cantspell2 · 05/08/2018 11:39

Two weeks clubbing in Tbilisi is hardly going off the tourist route and roughing it.
If flights are paid for I would give a max of £500

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 05/08/2018 11:43

YANBU. You offered him the money based on his original plans - he has changed those plans therefore so can you.

CherryPlum · 05/08/2018 11:48

It would be mean to reduce the amount that you offered. And a bit controlling. If you give someone money, it's theirs to spend.