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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To serve these foods to muslim friends

603 replies

MissMildred · 04/08/2018 19:03

Hi - posting here for traffic but also because I don't want to BU. I invited some new school friends and their parents for a bbq in a couple of weeks and two of the families are muslim and mentioned they only eat halal.
I want to make an effort to make them feel comfortable, and it has also been very interesting learning all about what is halal or haram. Obviously no pork will be served. However, some of the guidance on the internet is not clear, so I wondered if anyone with this diet could help me with these items and whether it would BU to serve them up:

Vinegar - if I served this in eg. a coleslaw, are all types of vinegar fine? (Eg is the vinegar not seen as alcohol anymore?)
Butter - Am I overthinking this? Would you eat butter?
Alcohol - I know you wouldn't drink this, but is it acceptable for others in the group to be drinking a glass of wine?
Halloumi - I can't figure out if this is okay or not.

Also - any tips you might have would be great, especially if there are brands of crisps, bread, butter etc....you might use.

Thank you!

OP posts:
ChopChipCookies · 05/08/2018 20:39

I'd eat the Sunday lunch, the halal meat (in theory - I'm vegetarian,) and your granny's bread. I wouldn't call someone racist because they might not. I'd be curious to understand more. Not set out hellbent to expose their racism.

And it was only a little Brexit mention!

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2018 20:40

Do you think many muslims would be OK with me focrcing them to hang a cross round thier neck!?

That’s not really a sensible comparison.

The many Muslims I know have no problem with grace being said before a meal for example.

Sadly - although I was intending to give you the benefit of the doubt I see I was right in my first assumptions about you.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2018 20:40

@SavvySaver24

Do you disagree with state schools being selective on faith grounds?

moanaschicken · 05/08/2018 20:42

I have Muslim family members. When they come to dinner I serve halal meat - 85% of that purchased in the UK is prepared exactly the same way as non halal meat with the addition of prayers. I don't serve pork alongside, and if doing a bbq I would cook any pork on a separate bbq.
Many Muslims would be uncomfortable with alcohol being on the table in bottles, just serve drinks in the kitchen instead.
Also note that some Muslims believe dogs are unclean so if you have a pet dog I suggest checking if they mind it being about.

Don't stress, if in doubt just ask them! They won't mind.

rainbowsandsmiles · 05/08/2018 20:42

No I don't say any sort of prayer over any sort of meat. If someone asked me what relugion I was I would probably say I am not religious - though i was chirstened.

OK, but if you went to someone's house for Sunday lunch and they said a prayer of Grace over it as you all sat down, would you eat it?
Or the bread the pp said their grandma baked? Would you eat that?

BertrandRussell · 05/08/2018 20:45

"No I don't say any sort of prayer over any sort of meat. If someone asked me what relugion I was I would probably say I am not religious - though i was chirstened. "
That was Mt the question. Would you eat food that had had a Christian blessing said over it?

Original poster
MissMildred · 05/08/2018 20:46

Crumbs.....just got back from our day out to find this really has grown legs and taken off Shock Smile
Thanks for all the really useful comments. I'm glad to say that I have found some halal burgers on Ocado, and they also do a few other things that I can use without having to go into town (not immediately local) to the halal grocery/butcher.
Also, I'll be doing a salmon and monkfish option. And salad....lots of salad.

As an aside, a few comments were made about why on earth I thought vinegar might be haram. In my defence, I'm relying on google and it wouldn't appear to be as straightforward as I thought.
I know there isn't alcohol in most vinegars (not the case for all) but there are various interpretations ranging from 'vinegar is good/ permissible' to stories about wine being thrown away and the boys who inherited it not being allowed to make vinegar from it ie. it's a grey area. So I was confused! That's why I wanted some input - I'm also interested in learning about the diet, from an educational point of view.
I also didn't want to get back to the families I'm inviting with lots of questions, as I don't want them to feel I'm going to lots of trouble for them, as I'm sure they wouldn't want that.
Thanks for all of your help!

OP posts:
SavvySaver24 · 05/08/2018 20:46

Do you disagree with state schools being selective on faith grounds?

Yep. 100% disagree with this.

rainbowsandsmiles · 05/08/2018 20:46

Good point about the schools. Lots of schools in the UK are C of E or Catholic. Would be interesting to know if the "don't want Islam penetrating my way of life" from some posters would stretch to other religions penetrating their way of lives via schools etc.

Original poster
MissMildred · 05/08/2018 20:48

moanaschicken thank you - I had read this about dogs and I'll be keeping mine locked up anyway as he gets too excited (and hot in this weather)!

OP posts:
rainbowsandsmiles · 05/08/2018 20:51

That was Mt the question. Would you eat food that had had a Christian blessing said over it?

I don't think we're going to get an answer. It's been asked multiple times now.

SavvySaver24 · 05/08/2018 21:07

Rainbowandsmiles as I have said, I am in between Christian/not religious. So with your example about grace, yes I would eat it as I don't totally disagree with Christianity. However know 100% I do NOT believe or afilliate with Islam.

SavvySaver24 · 05/08/2018 21:10

moanaschickenthank you - I had read this about dogs and I'll be keeping mine locked up anyway as he gets too excited (and hot in this weather)!

I can't find the original post relating to this but is this the drivel relating to dogs being haram? You sure as hell wouldn't be welcome in my house if you expected or even wanted me to lock my dog away.

Original poster
MissMildred · 05/08/2018 21:20

SavvySaver24 as I said, the dog wouldn't be allowed out for a BBQ anyway, regardless of religion. I'm not actually shooting the dog to appease my guests, just keeping it out of the way of guests, heat and children.
As a non-muslim and a dog owner, clearly I don't agree with that belief.

OP posts:
SavvySaver24 · 05/08/2018 21:24

MissMildred if the dog would be locked away regardless of who wad coming the fair enough (for you anyway- personally I would never lock my dog away he can go wherever he wants). But otherwise you are essentially locking a family member away to appease someone from a religion that considers them "impure".

Original poster
MissMildred · 05/08/2018 21:28

SavvySaver24 I agree with that - our dogs are an important part of our family!

OP posts:
Bicyclethief · 05/08/2018 21:33

This is why I don't invite anyone to my house. What a minefield...Grin

SavvySaver24 · 05/08/2018 21:35

MissMildred so out of interest why do you think it is OK to accomodate them by locking your dog away? If someone ssid they didn't want your young child around would you lock them away too?

badteacher · 05/08/2018 21:38

Facts about halal meat

  • the meat is no longer halal if the animal has been mistreated during its life or has suffered unduly during its slaughter . Traditionally animals were not stunned as it is a quicker instant death rather than enduring pain twice. Stunning involves ramming a bolt through the animals skull, or electrocution or gassing, is likely to be ineffective , cannot guarantee animals don't feel anything they just can't move , and many regain consciousness . However , in the UK most animals are stunned as per regulations anyway .
  • Muslims are permitted to eat the meat of Christians and Jews. Kosher is halal. Meat produced in practising Christian countries is halal. Many Muslims eat meat from non specifically halal sources in the UK and other Christian countries , many don't as well as they believe the UK is not Christian in practise . But the unanimous rule is that Christian and Jewish meat is halal.
rainbowsandsmiles · 05/08/2018 21:38

I can't find the original post relating to this but is this the drivel relating to dogs being haram? You sure as hell wouldn't be welcome in my house if you expected or even wanted me to lock my dog away.

Alienate half your guests by refusing to cater for them, let your dog parade around even if some are allergic/scared/etc....
Don't worry, I don't think you'll be getting many offers of friends wanting to come round anyway, you're either ridiculously trolling or ridiculously intolerant on more than one level! Grin

Bicyclethief · 05/08/2018 21:43

If anything there's too much tolerance of religion.

Original poster
MissMildred · 05/08/2018 21:44

Savvy I see it as okay because I have relatives who dislike/ fear dogs and it makes them uncomfortable to have him roaming around as he is an attention seeker and generally gifted at finding the person who least wants to be with him Smile. I don't see it as any different to that. Some people don't like dogs and I'm sensitive to that whether it's my house or not. I don't care if it's fear or dislike or religion. I invited my guests, so I'll make them comfortable.
He's quite high energy, so it actually makes it harder for me to have him wafting around. He's very cute and children aren't always careful with him (think 'teddy bear' fluffy) and I won't be able to supervise.
He's also a highly skilled sausage thief.
I don't think closing a dog in a bedroom for a BBQ is the same as closing a child a bedroom for a BBQ. Children aren't dogs!

OP posts:
SavvySaver24 · 05/08/2018 21:48

As far as I am concerned locking a dog (i.e. family member) away is NO different to locking a child away. But then again I wouldn't do it for anyone who was supposedly 'scared'or disliked dogs either. They aren't welcome in my home if the expect me to lock my dog away.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2018 21:57

But then again I wouldn't do it for anyone who was supposedly 'scared'or disliked dogs either

How about allergies?

MissEliza · 05/08/2018 21:57

Why do so many people think Muslims don't like dogs? My dh is Muslim and we have a dog. True, he doesn't like how much she's costing us or when she chews the phone cable, but apart from that he's fine!