Bus Drama

[kikisparks]

I get the bus home from work and there is often bus drama, sometimes verging on physical altercations.

Today there’s a Mum (I assume) with 3 kids one a very small girl in pram. Wee one is singing but then starts squealing/ yelping/ making animal noises loudly.

Bus driver says to the Mum that he doesn’t mind the singing but can’t cope with the shouting.

The Mum seems very annoyed and says “she’s only one what am I meant to do.”

I had to get off bus and driver said “lucky you.”

So who was BU?

1. Driver
2. Woman
3. Me (surely for some reason, this is AIBU)

(FWIW I have a high tolerance for noise and wasn’t bothered by the LO, not got a predetermined view but probably veering towards driver BU).

Just wondering why so many people have decided that the mum didn't try anything? The OP doesn't mention if the mum had tried

‘Hugely unprofessional’? He didn’t ask her to sign a sworn affidavit in support of his position, ffs; he made an off-the-cuff comment. Jesus H Christ. On the bus I get, there’s a sign instructing people not to distract the driver. There’s a sound reason for this. Now, obviously, it’s not directed at a small child - you say ‘pram’; does that mean a babe-in-arms, or a toddler? - but at the same time, as a mum-of-three, I’dbe trying something to stop the animal noises. I flagged down the bus driver on the return leg as he went past my house, and flung him two bottles of water. It was like a bloody greenhouse today, and he doesn’t get the ‘breeze’ benefit of sitting near the back with all the windows open. It’s a tough job. Give him a break.

So if your baby is crying/making noise on the bus you should get off?

I did, what other people do is up to them.

The OP doesn't mention if the mum had tried

Kind of your answer then eh? Since she’s mentioned everything else.

Sorry - just seen the ‘one’ bit. Mine is one tomorrow. I’d be trying a few things to stop her screeching. It’s beyond the pale if you’re driving.

I'm with the driver as well. It's important to remember that a bus can easily kill people - the driver needs to be able to concentrate!

The mother could at least act like she's TRYING to distract the child. I know from experience what really small children can be like, but you need to at least show willing to cooperate with the driver!

Interesting most side with driver. It’s not very hot today here, just as a couple of people mentioned that, but appreciate that’s not a major factor.

Didn’t notice Mum trying anything before he commented but she may have done. But she replied immediately to driver that she didn’t know what he wanted her to do as child was only one, she didn’t try anything between his comment and her reply iyswim.

YeTalkShiteHen - but what did you do if you needed to be somewhere? I have a one year old. I also have 9 and 10 year olds, and while I do try to keep the baby entertained on buses, if she starts crying while we're on our way to pick up the older 2 from school/a club etc I have to stay on the bus with her or I'd be late getting them.

In this instance I would say mum was unreasonable if she wasn't trying to distract LO and keep her quiet but if she was trying and it was making no difference then I'm not sure what else the driver would expect her to do. She had 3 kids with her, I don't imagine she wanted to get off the bus before wherever they were going as it would then make the journey with them that much longer.

Bus driver was unreasonable making a remark to you. No matter what it’s very unprofessional. Don’t know what the mother is going through, he made his point, to continue to embarrass her was unnecessary.

@Kitsandkids with DS1 it was fine because it was just him, but with DD and DS2 I got off anyway. I just made extra time because I’m always hyper aware of upsetting people and I don’t cope well on public transport anyway (I’m autistic too) so I’d feel I had to get off.

But I still think that not even trying to distract the wee one and taking an entitled attitude with the driver was really crappy.

There was a woman singing nursery rhymes at full volume on my bus this evening. Her child seemed to be giving zero fucks and wasn’t joining in. I was thankful I had my earphones in my bag, and even more so that I have Spotify. Her din was drowned out by loud (to me only) shouty music in short order.

I have every sympathy for the bus driver. People who make few attempts to keep their noise down shouldn’t inflict their noise on public transport.

(Usual caveats, you all know what I mean.)

I think bus drivers deserve a medal. I wouldn't have the patience myself.

I sympathise with the driver but think that ultimately he was the one being unreasonable. Whether mum was a bus wanker or not, you need to be able to tune out that sort of noise if you’re going to drive a bus.

I didn’t actually think about the safety aspect either. Now thinking the mum should have tried something and siding more with driver.

I’m not a driver, although I have a licence, and I’m not a mum, though not for want of trying, so others probably have more personal experience to back up their perspective on it.

It's a baby they make noise, it's what they do.

As for driving through rush hour listening to a baby squeal it's kind of his job. My job used to be doing the same with a shit load of barking dogs- you just learn to tune it out.

I hate screeching and have to wear ear defenders a lot because of loud noises but I think the driver was BU. Yes, the Mum should have tried to stop and not been moody but tbh I wouldn’t expect a driver to complain about a baby making noise, they were both wrong.

And maybe the baby had been screeching all day or is the type that gets worse when you try to distract.

And he was being a cheeky fucker saying “lucky you”.

Not exactly professional is it?

Mum was being too lazy to entertain her own child.
Bus drivers are super. I can't believe how much nonsense they have to endure.

If your baby is shouting you at least make the effort to distract them, food, milk, water, round and round the garden, tickling etc...especially in a situation where you can't leave like a bus. So yes Mum was being unreasonable.

Not sure I agree with those saying the mother should have tried to quieten the baby. For all we know, the mother had already exhausted all possibilities. If the baby was singing and shouting, the chances are that trying to distract her would if anything excite her more and make her more noisy. Bus drivers have to be able to cope with busloads of noisy school children, singing and shouting drunks, crying babies, complaining passengers, you name it - one fairly noisy baby doesn't sound that terrible by comparison.

I'd probably have snapped at the driver too, but only because I'd already have been at my wit's end trying to stop her.

When your child makes annoying noises in public you should try to do your reasonable best to distract them and get them to make less annoying noises (or none at all - if only it were that easy). But a bus driver needs to be able to tune non-traffic noise out, I would consider that a pretty essential skill. I don't think it would have been unreasonable for the driver to ask the mother to please try and quiet the child for everyone's sake, but his comment to you was unprofessional and completely unnecessary.

However, since this is AIBU, obviously you WBU. You should have stayed on the bus, distracted the child, wiped the poor bus driver's brow for him, all while using your foot to pump a huge fan for everyone on the bus crafted together from spare fabric you should always carry around in your bag. What were you thinking?

Mum was being very unreasonable. It is hard to concentrate in heavy traffic when there is a loud racket going on. I always have to turn the radio off.

If it was my child that did this it would depend solely on what time of the month it was as to how I responded.

The majority of the time I'd be cool and calm. I'd apologise to the driver and get off the bus and wait for the next one when my child had hopefully calmed down.

If it was days 25-28 I would have been completely irrational. Something along the lines of "How do you expect me to keep a one year old quiet? I'm not super mum!!!" while exiting the bus amidst a few tears.