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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Milestone' Birthdays really a big deal for adults?

58 replies

DailyMailCanKissMyAss · 03/08/2018 16:38

NC just in case! But Elderly Korean Woman and Penis Beaker

I'm happy to be proved wrong but I really don't get adults going over the top about birthdays generally but are milestone ones really that big a deal? I mean I get reaching 90 and above is an accomplishment and should be celebrated and made a HUGE fuss of.

But 50? 60? 65? 70?

My ILs make more of a fuss of their own birthdays then their kids/grandkids. I've not been brought up like that, kids birthdays are important to me but as an adult a card and congratulations is enough.

FIL has a milestone coming up, apparently 65 was important so ridiculous fuss made, its 5 years later hes 70 and a fuss must be made again.

I appreciate I am getting irrationally angry about it and am probably being unreasonable but does everyone make a big deal of these birthdays and I am therefore a misery?

OP posts:
Sweetcarrielynne · 03/08/2018 16:39

I like an excuse for a celebration personally so I don't think birthdays are just for kids! Everyone likes a bit of a fuss made about them now and then.

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 16:41

Why do we have to stop having fun when we're adults?

TopShagger · 03/08/2018 16:41

Not for me, I just don't care tbh. I guess that'll make me the exception rather than the rule but hey ho.

crunchymint · 03/08/2018 16:41

This is the kind of thing that is important to some adults and not others. There is nothing wrong with your birthday being important to you as an adult. I hate the school of thought that says only kids can care about these kind of things.

IceCreamFace · 03/08/2018 16:42

Well surely it's just a good reason to have a big celebration and get your friends and families together?

You can't ask people to come every year but if it's a milestone birthday people know it's a rare event and they're more likely to make the effort to come.

OurMiracle1106 · 03/08/2018 16:42

I was glad my recent milestone birthday was made a fuss of but that’s because it’s the first birthday ever that has actually been made a fuss about if I’m honest. It was nice to have banners and balloons and night out

IceCreamFace · 03/08/2018 16:43

I don't like big fuss birthdays personally (I hate being the centre of attention) but I'm happy to go to other people's.

Peachpebbles · 03/08/2018 16:43

YABU it might be their last one Wink

XiCi · 03/08/2018 16:46

YABU. I hate all the joyless shit about not celebrating birthdays when you're an adult. Life is short, why not enjoy it while you can. I think it's great he's celebrating his 65th birthday. Who knows, he might not here for his 70th. It's a good excuse for friends and family to get together and have a good night if nothing else

onyourmarks2017 · 03/08/2018 16:47

Not for me. I find the ILs self congratulatory goings on, just because they managed to stay alive for another year, quite 🤮.

Theladyinpurple · 03/08/2018 16:51

I like to celebrate adult's birthdays but my ILs sound like yours op. We are going on holiday for FIL's milestone birthday and I'm sick if hearing about it, as well as his 'special present'. We went away for a previous birthday of his and all week we were doing what he wanted as it was his 'birthday week' despite it being another member of the family's birthday another day we were away too.

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/08/2018 16:51

I love celebrations where I get to meet up with my whole family. Otherwise we would only get together for funerals, and we've had a lot of them. Sad Milestone birthdays every 10 years are hardly "look at me" overkill.

YABU OP.

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 16:52

just because they managed to stay alive for another year

I'm sorry I found this hilarious, I can just imagine you at birthday parties, "Congratulation on not being dead yet grandad"! :p

Fabricwitch · 03/08/2018 16:54

YABU adults can throw parties for any reason they want! And I don't see why people should stop caring about or celebrating their birthdays just because it's not what you like to do

waterlily200 · 03/08/2018 17:04

Fair enough I shall try to be more supportive.

It is the self-congratulatoryness of it that irks the most.

They asked our opinion of the plan. We raised concerns (around accomodating the grandkids) and they have been ignored, not a single consideration taken on board as they will have what they want and we must fall in line.......damn grumbling again!

Right (gives self a shake) I will accept milestones are important and play nice.

Mrskeats · 03/08/2018 17:05

I’m Scouse and it’s any excuse for a party here frankly.

waterlily200 · 03/08/2018 17:06

@onyourmarks2017 I said the same to DH. He was unamused.

They're not too bad really compared to the stories I read on here about IL behaviour

I8toys · 03/08/2018 17:07

If others want to do it, crack on but to me always seems a little self indulgent.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 17:10

I don't understand how this impacts on you OP? Angry??

waterlily200 · 03/08/2018 17:10

@Theladyinpurple for FIL We stayed with them for a wkend and that was a similar situation to yours. It was actually DH 30th so it was sold as a double celebration. DH birthday was mentioned once as an after thought after a speech from FIL. (only ILs, SIL and BIL at table, a speech was really not warranted.

LuxuryWoman2018 · 03/08/2018 17:11

I have a milestone coming up and plan to celebrate I'm going to see friends and eat and have fun.

In a way I'm seeing it as a fresh start, marching into a new decade after the last few crappy years. I'm glad to be here when some old friends are sadly not and that deserves cake!

Any excuse to celebrate is good with me.

RoseTinted1 · 03/08/2018 17:11

Get over yourself. Some people like fun.

auditqueen · 03/08/2018 17:14

I had shit birthdays all the years I was married and for a few years after that because I was on my own and very skint. Now I have a fab partner, am solvent and enjoying life, finally at 46 and I want to celebrate my birthday, his birthday, my dad's birthday and even my dogs birthday! Can't be doing with this shite about only kids can celebrate birthdays - when are we supposed to stop?

I even know parents who have a special private celebration, just the two of them, for their kids birthdays because they are celebrating the day they became parents.

Life's too short to be joyless and miserable. Any excuse for a party or a meal out, a nice cooked meal at home, a takeaway, a bottle of champagne (prosecco!) should be welcomed.

allertse · 03/08/2018 17:16

It's not the birthday celebration that's unreasonable, it's the demands of unreasonable people.

MIL had a big birthday recently, massive party, it was lovely, very relaxed, people came for as long as suited them (whether that was half an hour or a few days). My uncle celebrated a big birthday and paid for a lovely meal in a pub for all her friends and relatives, with no guilt tripping for the ones that couldn't make it.

But I read on here about people expecting their whole family to be there on the actual day, or to shell out for expensive holidays over the birthday week, or being upset that their relative can't come for a low-key meal on the day of their 43rd birthday because it's their best friends wedding.

I love seeing my friends and family, and birthdays are a great excuse for that, but the earth completing another rotation doesn't give you the right to insist your friends and family go to great expense and effort.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/08/2018 17:18

The things that people on here that get offended by something their PILs do is getting beyond ridiculous.

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