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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Milestone' Birthdays really a big deal for adults?

58 replies

DailyMailCanKissMyAss · 03/08/2018 16:38

NC just in case! But Elderly Korean Woman and Penis Beaker

I'm happy to be proved wrong but I really don't get adults going over the top about birthdays generally but are milestone ones really that big a deal? I mean I get reaching 90 and above is an accomplishment and should be celebrated and made a HUGE fuss of.

But 50? 60? 65? 70?

My ILs make more of a fuss of their own birthdays then their kids/grandkids. I've not been brought up like that, kids birthdays are important to me but as an adult a card and congratulations is enough.

FIL has a milestone coming up, apparently 65 was important so ridiculous fuss made, its 5 years later hes 70 and a fuss must be made again.

I appreciate I am getting irrationally angry about it and am probably being unreasonable but does everyone make a big deal of these birthdays and I am therefore a misery?

OP posts:
WeAreGerbil · 03/08/2018 17:19

I think it's great if you want to do something but I have a milestone birthday coming up and it's just making me reflect things aren't great socially due to health problems, and also my friends are spread all over the place and mostly don't know each other so I think trying to bring them together will be stressful, and it's at an inconvenient time of the year, but I feel crap that I don't want to do something as people expect me to. If I did it would be for them not for me, so I wish it wasn't such a big thing.

waterlily200 · 03/08/2018 17:22

@GreatDuckCookery

The impact is that we have been summoned to attend, we're expected to make great fuss, they will spend whole time offering me alcohol having known for 10yrs I don't drink and then act sad and disappointed when I very politely refuse but mostly it's that I'm never happy enough for them bit I feel I am. I'm genuinely happy it's their birthday that we maybe go for a meal together, I'm happy to get a nice present but they still behave like it's not enough.

BusterTheBulldog · 03/08/2018 17:24

I think 65 is an odd one but all ‘0’ birthdays, plus 18 and 21 are big celebrations to me!

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/08/2018 17:28

I'm not a big one for celebrating birthdays - but I love helping other people celebrate theirs.

What's wrong with a bit of a knees up and a good time? Confused

YABU and a bit of a Grinch for good measure.

As an aside, why do you need to name change, let alone then post your MN 'credentials' for such a post?! Grin

Syfychannel · 03/08/2018 17:30

Yes it is the attitude of the person. Rather than an excuse for a party or fun event to spend time with their family and friends, they approach it in a selfish way. Come and celebrate ME. You could call them birthdayzillas.

VickyEadie · 03/08/2018 17:32

angry ?

I was 60 this year. Trust me, once you see your friends and former colleagues dying suddenly, you tend to want to make a big deal of your birthdays.

Also, some of us date from generations pre- 'lavish a lot of money and attention on your kids for their birthdays' and got fuck-all as kids on our birthdays.

waterlily200 · 03/08/2018 17:33

Scrap my last post. What @allertse said is what I'm mean!

ILs hate that I don't make more of a fuss for my birthday and that I can't produce a nice long list of present suggestions for them to pick from. I don't have expensive tastes and will by things I need. But this is unacceptable I must want a CD or book or candle...nope only music I listen to is the radio on my short commute, no time to read actual books and never liked candles and total fire hazard atm with DC.

I am grateful and appreciate a nice card and their well wishes. If they want to get me a gift then fine, I've had some funny/odd ones in the past and always made sure to be grateful and thankful. But I just don't have the time but need the stress of trying to come up with a list which when I have before they only ever buy something close to what was on the list not the actual thing (think x book and the buy y book because the covers looked similar).

Peakypolly · 03/08/2018 17:43

Not only do I think Birthdays are more significant as you age (for the reason VickeyEaden says, as well as other reasons), I tell my DC their Birthdays should also be about me, seeing as I was the one who made the effort on that day all those years ago and I deserve recognition for it.
only slightly tongue in cheek

TittyGolightly · 03/08/2018 17:48

We do birthdays in a big way. Anything ending in a zero warrants a holiday. We’ve had too many family members die before reaching 1, 18, 21 etc so those that do are celebrated.

We don’t do xmas or Easter etc though so it doesn’t feel OTT to us.

ProfessorMoody · 03/08/2018 17:50

Every one of my birthdays is a big deal for me.

Confusedbeetle · 03/08/2018 17:54

yes, I agree, I really can't be doing with them. They are not fun and I get annoyed when I am pushed into celebrating. I don't care about getting older, I just don't like birthday parties. So you got another year, big deal.

Butterflycookie · 03/08/2018 18:01

Its fine if you don’t want to celebrate, but let people have their fun. I think birthdays are important whatever age and I’m saying this even when I’ve had the worst birthdays ever. But life is hard, and getting to the next year is an achievement. So many times ive wanted to give up but marking a birthday feels like I’ve made it for another year. Smile

theymademejoin · 03/08/2018 18:31

Nothing wrong with celebrating so long as you don't put pressure on other people to either participate or to celebrate their own birthdays how you want them to.

Money of the IL's ever acknowledge my birthday. Fair enough. Their choice. But not reasonable then to expect me to get all excited for theirs.

PIL'S don't generally give dh a present for his birthday (do give a card though) but expect one for theirs and also give presents to some of his siblings. The only birthdays they gave him a present for were 40 and 50. However, even though he didn't want a party, they insisted he had one as presumably they wanted value for their present. He tends to give in to them on things like that and this was not a battle I wanted to fight (I've learnt to pick my battles). It ended up being a load of work for me and him while they sat around being waited on.

specialsubject · 03/08/2018 18:40

no, just no. While I am grateful not to be dead, rapidly advancing age (as it does when you are past 40) isn't really a happy thing and I don't want to make a fuss. I also don't think you can 'force' a fun occasion - they just happen.

send me a card, I like that - but that's it. And please no presents, have enough stuff, hate smellies/sparkly crap. And apparently cannot be given chocolate because females must always be on a diet!

TheHonGalahadThreepwood · 03/08/2018 18:54

What allertse said. Hosting a big party, going away on holiday or generally organising something fun to celebrate is fine. Expecting other people to cough up £££ or go to endless lengths of trouble to celebrate your birthday, not fine.

Personally I have more sympathy for other people's birthday celebrations than for the endless non-event "Hallmark Holidays" dreamed up by card companies and supermarkets to get us all to spend more and more money on tat "because everyone's doing it".

ForalltheSaints · 03/08/2018 20:10

Some people just want an excuse to celebrate. I have almost always been on holiday on my birthday as it happens to be in early summer, so a given age is not much different from the previous year or following one in terms of the celebration.

SB1189 · 04/08/2018 16:32

My reply to anyone saying ‘why are you making a fuss of your birthday’ would be ‘don’t worry about it I’ll take you off the invitation list you miserable sod’

happypoobum · 04/08/2018 16:37

Define should be celebrated and made a HUGE fuss of.

I suspect we all have very different ideas of what this might involve.

I make a huge production out of my birthday every year. I have a birthday week, so if it's a biggie, like 40, 50, I have a birthday month. I arrange a load of different things to do with family and friends so I can spread all the loveliness out.

This would probably involve a weekend away with core friendship group (we all do this for our birthdays, two of us are a few days apart so that's combined) Then various lunches, dinners, days out with different friends and family members (spread out across UK)

I bloody love it. Nobody has to do anything they don't want to do, it's an invitation, not a summons etc.

Happygoldfinch · 04/08/2018 16:38

I find myself being beyond Scrooge at these gatherings, thinking about how better the money could have been spent. Not just the money on the party itself, but the petrol that everyone has had to fork out for, hotels for people to stay in, childcare that people have had to arrange, presents that suddenly have to be bought for the special man/woman...

happypoobum · 04/08/2018 16:42

Oh yes I celebrate my pets birthdays too Grin

TheDowagerCuntess · 04/08/2018 20:22

That is 'beyond Scrooge' HappyGoldFinch! Just don't go, and save yourself the stress that I'm certain no-one else there is worrying about.

allertse · 06/08/2018 11:16

Wow @HappyGoldFinch personally I can't think of anything better to spend my money on than things that facilitate me spending time with my lovely friends and family. Probably because I actually like them!

HeyThoughIWalk · 06/08/2018 11:27

My SIL currently wants us all to have a fortnight in Turkey for her 40th next year!

I don't mind adults celebrating birthdays, but it cracks me up when it's "You get to decide everything for the day, it's your birthday!", and I end up in a posh restaurant trying to get my super-picky 3yo to stop crying and eat something off an Asian-infused seafood menu 2 hours past his bedtime. If you're going to insist on the whole family coming, then please have SOME consideration for those with small children!

Biker47 · 06/08/2018 11:35

I'm 30, birthdays mean nothing to me, it's just another day as far as I'm concerned.

Adults who behave like children about their birthdays and the expectations they have of other people in regards to their birthdays are pathetic.

SadieHH · 06/08/2018 11:38

I hate my birthday and I hate celebrating anything anyone else's but if anyone else wants to make a fuss about theirs then crack on. As others have said, life is short.

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