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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friends wedding

54 replies

terrychocolateorange123 · 03/08/2018 11:47

Just wanting insight on a situation with one of my close friends.

She is getting married early next year to her partner of 3 months (short I know), they are very happy and in love, so I’m very happy for her. However, she has told her fiancé that she wants her 16 year old brother to be his best man. IMO I think this is unreasonable as her 24 year old fiancé has his own best/close friends that would be much more suitable e.g. arranging stag do’s and for the best man’s speech, whereas her brother can only share stories of her.
I’m just wanting other peoples opinion of this so I can (hopefully) tell her I’m not the only one that thinks this is unreasonable.

OP posts:
Fleuried · 03/08/2018 11:49

If they are close, maybe she wants him to have a role in her wedding. Maybe he could do a reading in the ceremony and a speech? Sort of best man duties without being best man?

LoveInTokyo · 03/08/2018 11:51

Normally the groom would choose the best man and the bride would choose the maid of honour/bridesmaids.

However...

I don't really see what it has got to do with you, and seeing as they've only been together for three months and seem pretty young, who gets to be best man seems a very minor issue next to the fact that it is way too soon for them to be getting married.

Shoxfordian · 03/08/2018 11:51

He should be able to pick his own best man but maybe her brother can do a reading or be an usher

SilverySurfer · 03/08/2018 11:51

I would stay out of it if I were you. Presumably the groom is an adult and therefore capable of having a conversation with your friend about whether or not he wants her DB as BM?

Uncreative · 03/08/2018 11:52

Bride chooses bridesmaids (perhaps with a nod to groom’s family) and Groom chooses groomsmen/ushers/bestman (perhaps with a nod to bride’s family.

YANBU

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 11:53

She's being totally unreasonable, the best man should be 100% the grooms choice like the MOH should be the brides

SpectacularAardvark · 03/08/2018 11:53

Their choice entirely but it does seem very unfair on the groom, why shouldn't he be allowed to pick his own best man?
If she wants her brother to have a role, he can be an usher or a bridesman, he can do a reading or be a witness for signing the register, loads of options.

Bluelady · 03/08/2018 11:53

Why are you even giving this head space? Unless the friend is you.

Chickychoccyegg · 03/08/2018 11:55

nothing to do with her, it's the groom's choice who he has for best man, how would she feel if he chose her bridesmaids!
she sounds a bit immature to be honest

Original poster
terrychocolateorange123 · 03/08/2018 11:57

thanks for the input, my friend is aware im asking on here as she also wants to do the right thing

OP posts:
Nothisispatrick · 03/08/2018 11:59

Of course she is BU. A 16 year old can't plan the stag or even drink, nor can he give a proper speech and will hardly know the groom. Very very U.

However surely it is down to her fiancé to tell her this.

SpectacularAardvark · 03/08/2018 12:00

Ask her if she's going to plan his stag do too?

thethoughtfox · 03/08/2018 12:00

It's not her choice

HollowTalk · 03/08/2018 12:12

That poor groom-to-be. This should really be a sign to him to wait until he knows a woman before he marries her.

Boofay · 03/08/2018 12:15

His choice who is his best man.

I didn't have a maid of honour, I had a best man; my 13 year old son. My daughter and nieces were our flower girls, we had a best man each and our youngest was our page boy.

Maybe her brother can be her best man?

LuluJakey1 · 03/08/2018 12:15

YABU none of your business.

greendale17 · 03/08/2018 12:17

She's being totally unreasonable, the best man should be 100% the grooms choice like the MOH should be the brides

^This absolutely. Your friend is being very selfish.

Original poster
terrychocolateorange123 · 03/08/2018 12:18

lulu- she's asked for my input as I mention earlier. Everyone else's comments have been really helpful so thank you, I think she's seen sense now...

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 03/08/2018 12:18

It is none of your business, but sounds pretty odd to me.

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 12:19

How did her husband to be react to that suggestion btw OP?

elliejjtiny · 03/08/2018 12:19

No. Bride's brother should be an usher or be a male version of a bridesmaid.

Seasawride · 03/08/2018 12:22

Marry in haste repent at leisure.

Tell her that.

Original poster
terrychocolateorange123 · 03/08/2018 12:23

Trinity- she kind of mentioned it to him in passing, he was a bit taken aback but initially took it as a joke. She's asked a few people for opinions because of his reaction

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 12:25

Trinity- she kind of mentioned it to him in passing, he was a bit taken aback but initially took it as a joke. She's asked a few people for opinions because of his reaction

haha, pretty normal reaction from him then.

thecatsthecats · 03/08/2018 12:27

Be there for her when they fizzle out OP.