Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friends wedding

54 replies

terrychocolateorange123 · 03/08/2018 11:47

Just wanting insight on a situation with one of my close friends.

She is getting married early next year to her partner of 3 months (short I know), they are very happy and in love, so I’m very happy for her. However, she has told her fiancé that she wants her 16 year old brother to be his best man. IMO I think this is unreasonable as her 24 year old fiancé has his own best/close friends that would be much more suitable e.g. arranging stag do’s and for the best man’s speech, whereas her brother can only share stories of her.
I’m just wanting other peoples opinion of this so I can (hopefully) tell her I’m not the only one that thinks this is unreasonable.

OP posts:
gingergoose16 · 03/08/2018 12:28

I think you are being totally unreasonable, men don't have any say in a wedding, why should they?! If she wanted to pick everyone of importance at the wedding without insulting her fiancée then she should be able. I say mind your own business and let her have her brother as best man! Maybe you're just jealous?

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 12:29

I think you are being totally unreasonable, men don't have any say in a wedding, why should they?! If she wanted to pick everyone of importance at the wedding without insulting her fiancée then she should be able. I say mind your own business and let her have her brother as best man! Maybe you're just jealous?

I hope that's a joke post Shock

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 03/08/2018 12:30

I think you are being totally unreasonable, men don't have any say in a wedding, why should they?! If she wanted to pick everyone of importance at the wedding without insulting her fiancée then she should be able. I say mind your own business and let her have her brother as best man! Maybe you're just jealous?

Say what?

Rebecca36 · 03/08/2018 12:31

Well it's not really anyone else's business is it?
If asked I would suggest another role for your friend's brother and let the groom choose his own best man. It sounds a bit controlling for a bride to choose the best man.

ReservoirDogs · 03/08/2018 12:32

It was you wasn't OP - you are the bride and it is your brother.

Now you have seen the error of your ways!

Rubies12345 · 03/08/2018 12:32

The brother can be a groomsman. He can also make a speech about her if she want's him too.

Original poster
terrychocolateorange123 · 03/08/2018 12:39

Reservoir- you wouldn't ever see me walking down the aisle lol

OP posts:
sparklequeen18 · 03/08/2018 12:42

I think you are being totally unreasonable, men don't have any say in a wedding, why should they?! If she wanted to pick everyone of importance at the wedding without insulting her fiancée then she should be able. I say mind your own business and let her have her brother as best man! Maybe you're just jealous?

To be fair men don't usually really care much about the wedding details so I don't see why it would be a problem either. As long as groom to be agrees to it, what's the issue?

LoveInTokyo · 03/08/2018 12:43

A 16 year old surely can't even go on the stag do. Not any part of it that involves drinking, anyway.

Confused
Crunched · 03/08/2018 12:50

To be fair men don't usually really care much about the wedding details so I don't see why it would be a problem either.
HaHa, you know different men to me.

How about having her bro as Bridesman - I went to a wedding in June where the Brides best friend was male and he took on this role brilliantly

InfiniteVariety · 03/08/2018 12:52

It's for the groom to choose his best man - his brother or close friend usually. As he can only have known the bride's brother for a couple of months and there is a huge difference in their ages, he doesn't really seem to fit the bill does he?

DistanceCall · 03/08/2018 12:52

To be fair men don't usually really care much about the wedding details

Vast overgeneralisation. And in any case, the best man is not a small detail. Hint: it's the groom's best man.

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 12:53

To be fair men don't usually really care much about the wedding details so I don't see why it would be a problem either. As long as groom to be agrees to it, what's the issue?

Most men would care about being told who to have as their best man, clearly the OPs friends husband to be did also, as she explained in one of her updates

MrsArthurShappey · 03/08/2018 13:05

Usher is a perfect job for a 16 year old brother. The groom should be allowed to choose his own best man (and one who's old enough to drink!)

HollowTalk · 03/08/2018 13:10

The thing is he's only known her brother less than three months! Nobody chooses a best man based on such a short acquaintance.

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 03/08/2018 13:21

Fairly common here, USA, for bridal parties to be mixed on both sides. Seen best women standing with the groom and the bride having a bridesman in the traditional maid of honour role. Either way each one if the couple gets to choose their own attendants. Bride is being unreasonable.

amusedbush · 03/08/2018 13:24

It was weird to even suggest it; she doesn't get to choose the best man and he will be feeling pressured even if she mentioned it casually. Why doesn't SHE have a best man? DH and I eloped but had we had the ceremony at home, I always planned to have my brother as best man and no bridesmaids.

Gottokondo · 03/08/2018 13:34

On my wedding day I had a best man. I was the bride. It's 2018, she should choose her brother as a best man for herself.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/08/2018 13:41

When I got married my (18 year old) brother was an usher as was dh’s 16 year old brother. His older (mid twenties) brother was best man.

That worked pretty well.

downinthejunglee · 03/08/2018 13:45

Here's how we did ours;
Maid of Honour - my choice
Best Man - his choice
Bridesmaid - joint decision

girlywhirly · 03/08/2018 13:46

Just to point out, the brother is too young at 16 to be a witness, they need to be minimum of 18 yrs old to sign the register.

However he could be a groomsman.

HaveSomeGrace · 03/08/2018 13:58

@ReservoirDogs

It was you wasn't OP - you are the bride and it is your brother.

Now you have seen the error of your ways!

I was thinking this too!

sockunicorn · 03/08/2018 13:59

i think she is being unreasonable. imagine if it was the groom demanding his sister was maid of honour. her brother should be part of the groomsmen party but i wouldnt say its fair he be best man. thats the grooms choice.

NaiceHamble · 03/08/2018 14:46

if she wants her brother to be part of the wedding party, then ask for him to be an usher.

If she wants to keep the stag do contained by having it arranged by a 16 year old... nice try, but not really fair.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2018 14:55

That's quite odd. It's both their weddings, is she from a culture where this would be the done thing, or does she maybe not understand the concept of best man? On the face of it it seems highly selfish and she's giving no thoughts to her future husbands wants. But maybe she doesn't understand the best man concept or is from a culture where this would be the norm?