To wonder why the HV feels it’s okay to say this...?

[CarrieBlu]

Had my DC2 a few weeks ago, all going well for both of us. However, in each visit I have had since with the Health Visitor, she keeps on saying to me “have you sorted contraception yet? Otherwise you’ll end up in this situation again” and it’s really starting to annoy me. It makes it sound like my pregnancy with DC2 was some sort of accident (it wasn’t, she was planned and very much wanted). After all, what if I wanted to fall pregnant again soon, and have another child with a small age gap, how is that any of her business? Why does she see falling pregnant again as such a negative thing? Maybe I don’t mind “ending up in this situation again”

I know I’m probably BU, I just came away from our appointment today feeling annoyed and needed a little rant.

I would not allow these nosey buggers in my home.

My HV was nice but asked about contraception. I pointed out baby was three weeks old and no sex was our contraception!
I also explained I can't take the pill due to complications and I had contraception in place for when we were ready - the midwife, doctor etc also ahve asked at every apointment.
Tbf my mom was five month pregnant with me as was told couldnt if breastfeeding , she was very shocked and upset . So there is a valid reason that they do this sort of thing.

SummerIsEasy

Presents an issue though as hormonal contraception makes me feel awful and my consultant refused to sterilise me during my last c-section in case I decided I wanted a 3rd.

So it's basically no sex until menopause which shouldn't be too bad as I'm 41 but then both dc were conceived pretty easily and my family tree is full of women having babies up to 46 or so (Catholic).

Igorina

The midwife who discharged me from hospital with dc1 asked if dh was violent in front of him and MiL. When I challenged it, she said he'd been so worried about me, he couldn't possibly be hurting me.

I agree it comes across rude. As it happens I went to get my progesterone only pill when my DD was 8 weeks old. Newly qualified doctor told me I wouldn't need that as I was exclusively breastfeeding . I said I'd like it anyway just to be safe reported back to the HV who looked pretty exasperated!

I had a HV who kept nagging about contraception in the fortnight after having DC2, she even said "well, you don't want Irish twins do you?!" FFS! Pretty offensive on quite a few levels.

Referring back to your post at 21.17 CarrieBlu, what is the interest in your domestic arrangements of owning versus being a tenant? Is the health visitor supposed to ask that?

I cannot think of a reason why she needs to know this and would have refused to answer. It is weird question.

@martinidry I’ve no idea! I can’t imagine that our domestic arrangements would be of any major concern. Husband works in the public sector, until we had DC I worked in early years education, so hold lots of qualifications and experience in working with young children. Eldest DC is great, hits all the milestones she should be and there has never been any concerns about her. We’ve never had any police/SS involvement in our lives. We own our house - it might be a cluttered shithole at times but nothing too awful, it does get cleaned fairly regularly! I’m worried now that she didn’t think it was up to standard in some way!

Not to drip feed but have just thought of something else that she did today that I found odd...when she needed me to strip DD to be weighed, she refused to let me change her on the changing station and instead placed the changing mat on the floor and insisted that I sorted DD out there. I’d like to think that after successfully looking after many children from other families for 10+ years and my own children successfully, I’d be able to safely change my DD on a purpose built changing unit

Maybe she just thinks that I’m not to be trusted for some reason

Thank you CarrieBlu. What odd questions they ask.

CandaceMariePratt, the attitude of the health visitor to you is totally out of place. I would have been angry, very angry in fact, and told her to leave. If they don't like the agreements under which you found a roof over your family's head they need to provide you with a better alternative not judge you or demonise you.

Horrible people, horrible attitude.

@CarrieBlu I had a similar thing with mine, she looked horrified and said to my dh about DT2 rolling and the ‘danger’. I’m kind of thinking some just like to make you feel shit and question your parenting skills!

I asked my health visitor to look at my episiotomy stitches as I thought they were infected. I may have also referred to it as my ‘Frankenstein fanny’ and laughed. She looked terrified, told me I needed a midwife for anything to do with me, and basically ran away. So you could try threatening her with tattered nethers.

Just tell her it's fine, only bum stuff for the foreseeable 😁

Ours didn't listen to a word I said. Sniggered when I told her we'd be taking shared parental leave. My favourite was that on our ten day visit page in the red book, she wrote "Mother appears mentally stable, no history of PND in family." Last time I checked, an absence of family history of PND in no way affects how likely you are to get it.

I actually had post-natal PTSD but we'll gloss over that as I would never have told her by the time I realised. I don't think she'd have recognised a mental health issue of one had bitten her on the arse.

I got asked the contraception question shortly after I'd had a miscarriage. My wife was present and had been introduced as my wife at the beginning of the appointment. She's slightly on the butch side but definitely female looking. I said I didn't need any contraception and they wittered on about all the women who miscarried after ivf and then just fallen naturally afterwards (an ignorant and insensitive statement in itself).

I was still too shellshocked from the miscarriage to respond really.

""And exclusive breastfeeding of a baby under six months who is feeding at least every 3 hours is as reliable as other contraception.""

DD is 6 weeks, ebf and feeding at least every 3 hours (most days 3 hours in between would be bliss!). I got a period at 3.5 weeks post birth, I actually went to the out of hours Dr terrified about why I was bleeding again. Zero chance we'd have been doing it in that time but it did focus the mind (and make me feel like a right prat turning up at the drs because I was having a period!)

Your health visitor's comment does sound quite tactless OP, I can understand your wish to moan about it!

Lots of people falsely believe breast feeding is a reliable contraception

The GP I saw at my 6 week check for DS3 was one of these. He asked if I was breastfeeding, and when I said yes, he said that breastfeeding was a contraceptive so no need to talk any more about that.

I looked at him for a minute to see if he was going to say anything about how breastfeeding can only be counted as an effective contraceptive if baby’s exclusively breastfed, feeds at least every 3 hrs, periods haven’t returned etc etc, but no. He’d finished.
He just sort of shrugged when I then said about how I’d read that was only the case if....

Lucky I’d already read up about breastfeeding as contraception after a few women I know warned me that they’d accidentally fallen pregnant while breastfeeding. I wasn’t impressed with the GP

just say yes we have sorted it I hated being asked this so I just told a white lie so they could tick their box.

I once had a HV ask about domestic violence while DH was sitting beside me on the sofa. When I said "Erm, no" she replied "Oh good so he doesn't hit you or anything?

something like that is worth reporting for the sake of other vulnerable women but honestly how did this person pass the training!?

I had 3 excellent health visitors for my 3 babies so honestly please don't tar all HV with the same brush

Asking about sorting contraception is normal. Implying that your child was unplanned and having another child soon would be a bad thing is completely not appropriate.

She sounds irtitating but she isnt god. Tell her not your business thank you

I wouldn’t mind if it was just the once, but we’ve had three appointments with her now and she’s asked me about contraception and given me that lovely one-liner every single time. Which makes me think that, as a PP said, that’s just her patter, but it’s not a nice way to put it. And if there is a box, she’s clearly not ticking it after speaking to me!

At least she is making you aware of it (although it does seem an excessive amount of asking you to be honest - maybe she forgets she's asked?) - my friend was told not to bother with contraception as she was breastfeeding! I was quite shocked as this was last year in the UK; you'd think all healthcare professionals would point out breastfeeding is not a reliable contraceptive!

As a former midwife, believe me some couples get back down to it almost immediately - been asked for the morning after pill when I've gone out to visit on day 5, for example! It was good to ask, and its something people don't think about but you are incredibly fertile just after birth, BF or not! So right message, totally wrong delivery!

The whole post natal care seems like a tick box exercise. On the rare occasions I saw an HV she always ticked the box that I was struggling with PND. My midwife discharge notice also noted that I wasn't coping mentally. This didn't result in anything being done about it.