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Original poster

To pay towards hen party?

61 replies

LoveIsNotInTheAir · 01/08/2018 19:47

I’ve been asked to help plan my friends hen party - I’m a bridesmaid but I live in a different country and the other 3 bridesmaids all live in the US where the bride also lives. I’m already spending £700-800 to fly over for the wedding and so I’m not attending the hen party (which the bride is fine with but she still wants me to help plan it!)

She wants a whole weekend in a posh hotel, spa treatments and about 3/4 activities as well as dinner and a night out. I personally wouldn’t attend even if I was in the same country due to the cost! There will be about 20 people going.

We’ve been told that we’re splitting the cost of the brides share amongst the hens. My question is really should I be expected to pay towards her share if I’m not going or should it be split between the people that are actually attending?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 01/08/2018 19:53

Of course you shouldn’t be paying - Jesus.

violetbunny · 01/08/2018 19:54

Er, no way would I be attending if I wasn't going!! Shock

violetbunny · 01/08/2018 19:54

Haha, I meant no way would I be PAYING if I wasn't going! Wink

CornishFairing · 01/08/2018 19:55

No way should you pay !!

And if I was able to go I wouldn't do so - why do people make these things so expensive !

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/08/2018 19:55

Of course not. Madness.

LlamaPyjamas · 01/08/2018 19:55

If they’re splitting the brides share between the hens then you don’t pay because you aren’t a hen?

troodiedoo · 01/08/2018 19:56

You should be neither planning nor paying!

Too many cooks spoil the broth. There should be one or two chief planners. You could send a bottle of champagne or something if you must.

PanPanPanPing · 01/08/2018 19:59

Are you fucking mad?!?! Take a step back from the hen party planning. And do not, DO NOT, pay anything towards it AT ALL.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/08/2018 20:00

God no you shouldn’t be paying- or planning. If I was on the hen and got a high bill for a bunch of activities chosen by a woman not even attending I’d be pissed off.

LockedOutOfMN · 01/08/2018 20:02

No paying. Step back. Say you're busy with work at the moment, if they're pushing for you to help. Seems very impractical to organise a hen do from across an ocean, if there are people "on site" to do it, who'll actually be attending so have a vested interest in the event.

kernowsailor · 01/08/2018 20:03

Christ no! And no one would expect you to!

pippety · 01/08/2018 20:03

This is all kinds of crazy. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone in real life who would even suggest something like this! Who are these people?!

Returnofthesmileybar · 01/08/2018 20:03

No way hose!!

"Hope you guys have a lovely weekend, I won't be contributing, with flights etc this wedding is already costing me thousands so I have to draw the line somewhere. Have fun, looking forward to photos"

StealthPolarBear · 01/08/2018 20:06

I went to a hen do recently. Proseco in a beer garden followed by a nice dinner and more wine. Perfect.

barleyfive · 01/08/2018 20:06

Nooooo, not even sure why they have asked you to plan from a different country tbh? One of my best friends lives in the states, and if she flew over for my wedding that would mean the absolute world and be more than enough!

BlueJava · 01/08/2018 20:13

No way should you pay. Utterly ridiculous if anyone has suggested you should.

JakeBallardswife · 01/08/2018 20:18

Just no!!

JakeBallardswife · 01/08/2018 20:18

What return said!

TroubledLichen · 01/08/2018 20:22

You’re not ‘one of the hens’ because you’re not able to attend the hen. So ffs no you shouldn’t be paying. Step out of all organising chat, if anyone asks you to get involved decline and say that since you can’t attend and live in a different country it would be inappropriate for you to get involved.

category12 · 01/08/2018 20:27

We’ve been told that we’re splitting the cost of the brides share amongst the hens.

Is that normal?
Who told you?
I probably would contribute to a 20th of her share if there are 20 hens and they're all chipping in, as it's not for you to go to the hen night, it's towards the bride - if it's normal to pay for the bride. But I'm not sure it is. If they were asking for a 20th of the entire hen party's costs that would be an instant no.

Trinity66 · 01/08/2018 20:27

How do they even expect you to help organise it when you're in a different country? Who asked you to pay the bride or the bridesmaids; what a cheek

Bluelady · 01/08/2018 20:28

Don't pay, don't organise. This is bonkers.

thefinn · 01/08/2018 20:29

Are they for real? of course you should not be planning or paying- you're not attending. Some people...

LoveInTokyo · 01/08/2018 20:29

She wants a whole weekend in a posh hotel, spa treatments and about 3/4 activities as well as dinner and a night out.

She sounds like a bridezilla and you have dodged a massive bullet by not living in the same country.

Of course you shouldn’t be paying.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 01/08/2018 20:33

It depends I think. Is she a very good friend who’d do the same for you? How many hens are you splitting the brides share between?

If it ended up being £20-£30 and you can easily afford it then it may be a nice gesture.

If they’re demanding a lot of money that you can’t afford to give then no way!

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