To pay towards hen party?

[LoveIsNotInTheAir]

I’ve been asked to help plan my friends hen party - I’m a bridesmaid but I live in a different country and the other 3 bridesmaids all live in the US where the bride also lives. I’m already spending £700-800 to fly over for the wedding and so I’m not attending the hen party (which the bride is fine with but she still wants me to help plan it!)

She wants a whole weekend in a posh hotel, spa treatments and about 3/4 activities as well as dinner and a night out. I personally wouldn’t attend even if I was in the same country due to the cost! There will be about 20 people going.

We’ve been told that we’re splitting the cost of the brides share amongst the hens. My question is really should I be expected to pay towards her share if I’m not going or should it be split between the people that are actually attending?

don't pay or organise. If you're not going, organising it seems a bit odd?

Who thinks you should be paying? You're not a hen!

No, you shouldn’t pay and I think any bride who allows her friends to pay her share ought to be ashamed of herself.

Oh my goodness. Of course you don't pay nor organise, you aren't going to hen do.
And you are paying nearly a thousand to fly over to see her. Bride will be really grateful for that. Remove yourself Hen whatsapp group. Or say, "of course don't include me, it's costing me all my money to fly over & I'm not part of Hen party arrangements".

I would contribute something towards the brides costs. Total divided by 20. Or sent a bottle of bubbly.

Put your big girl pants on and put a stop to this nonsense. Tell the bride you aren't organising a hen party you won't be attending, and don't be guilt tripped into it.

I don’t mind helping to organise if she wants me involved so I can give my opinions on ideas or google hotels etc but I will definitely be putting my foot down if the other planners ask me to start making calls or chasing payments etc!

And they haven’t asked me to pay towards it yet but one of them is a CF and I know she’s going to! (Tbh she’s likely to send her bank details and then keep the money as I know she’s done that before ) I was planning on calling the hotel & organising a bottle of something to the brides room instead but having never organised (or been to!) a hen ‘weekend’ before I wasn’t sure on how things were handled!

How will you be able to book anything without giving credit card details? Please don't get involved. Let the local hens deal with it.

No, no and no! Have nothing to do with organising this! And don’t pay a penny or send drinks - wtf!

Hen parties are for the birds.

I still don’t understand why you’d be helping organise, researching hotels and giving opinions for a holiday you’re not even going on. Money and CF friend aside, that’s a very odd thing to do. If you’re not able to attend then just stay out of it. Sending a bottle of fizz to the hotel is definitely not necessary but I’m sure the bride would appreciate the gesture, that said there’s still no need to be involved in the planning. Leave them to it and once it’s booked find out where they’re staying and you can call the hotel and arrange it as a surprise.

You've been asked to organise a hen do for a country you don't live in, that you won't be able to attend, and you've got to pay your share even though you're not going?! How does that even begin to make sense?!
Just no.

absolutely do not pay anything, do not book anything, take a massive step back!
the bride wants a very expensive hen weekend, she should making it absolutely clear she expects to pay for herself , anything else is incredibly cheeky of her!!

No, of course you shouldn't pay, hopefully you Won't be asked - that's crazy!

How can anyone justify organising an expensive hen weekend and expect others to foot the bill?

Your op kind of implies that they've asked you to pay but in your update you say they haven't

No of course you shouldn't pay. You don't need to get involved in the planning either. You are paying for flights over for the wedding so that is more than enough. You can buy a bottle of champagne for the bride to enjoy either the night before or the hen do. Why do people think this is ok for great big elaborate hen dos on top of weddings? It just assumes people are willing to fork out loads for someone else's big day. Especially if you go to lots of weddings.

No chance you should pay if your not even attending ffs. Tell the bride your hen party contrubution is your £700-800 in flights to attend her wedding

It hasn't even been asked for, so worry about it if it happens.

Why on earth would you be paying for someone who lives in a different country - who I doubt you've met- to go to to a spa? Bad enough you're having to pay your own way over there!

Without trying to sound mean, how much help are you going to be towards planning something in another country? You can't exactly go and look at spas with them

In fact- I think they only want you to help organise so they can ask you to pay!!!

She wants a whole weekend in a posh hotel, spa treatments and about 3/4 activities as well as dinner and a night out

What a greedy, rude, self absorbed, bridezilla! If she wants all that, she can damn well pay for it herself. That might wind her neck in a bit.

I can't understand why she wants you involved with the planning when you're not in the same country. Can't she see how ridiculous that would be. You're going to the wedding, that's enough. Don't spend a single penny towards the hen party. If the cheeky mate asks for money just a simple "oh didn't you know, i'm not attending" is all you need to say.

Not necessary to send the bride a bottle to her room either.

Definitely a no to contributing to costs but I think a bottle for the bride in her room is a lovely touch.