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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset when DH helps?

63 replies

fishfacedcow · 01/08/2018 14:44

Please dont say... you should be gad he does cos mine does nothing.. ..

26 years we have been married..... 26 years of him -taking over, taking charge or helping out. Ive had enough

Like yesterday.... i was making tea. I stirred the food with a spatula. Put the spatula on the 'designated spoon rest' And turned to call the child. Turned back and went to pick up the spatula....and he was fucking washing it. I hadnt finished with it!

I laid out stuff to clean...went inside to get a bucket of warm soapy water..... fucker had put it AWAY before i filled the bucket!

Its not charming or gallant.....its insulting and humiliating

He wont sit still and quiet when im driving...... so much that about 20 years ago i said ...'fine im never driving with you in the car again.' He tsught me to drive btw! Excdpt if we go to a party he wants to drink and me to drive. I said 'no way. If im not good enough to drive you when you are sober...im certainly not good enough when you are drunk' and absolutely havent driven with him in the car since.

Oh and once i loaded up the car for a holiday.. . He came home...emptied the boot onto the pavement to refill the car.

I listen to audiobooks and he complains that the teeny tiny light on them keeps him awake.......meanwhile he had two....yes two.... digital alarm clocks at the side of the bed so bright. You can land planes by them. And he has so many electronic things plugged in charing overnight it looks like i have a christmas tree in the corner of the bedroom....

He is obsessive about moving stuff.. ..its like living with a magpie! I leave my carkey on the keyrack by the kettle. The epicentre of the house.....away from all doors and windows so 'someone could use a fishing line to hook them' would be foiled. I go yo get the key..... its gone! I hafta call him at work to ask where hes put the key!

He never ever ever admits he is wrong EVER.

And lastly before i explode another car one.. .. if i park with the nose into our drive...ie drive straight in.... he will move the car...reverse it and park with the nose facing out....... (isnt able to give me an explaination for this one...even though doing it his way leaves the steering wheel in direct sunlight and too hot to handle)

So...everyone...... aibu to still mind about these things..... or should i have gotten used to them by now? Is he being unreasonable..... not listening to me ever?

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 01/08/2018 14:47

Do you still like him? Doesn't sound like you do (much).

Not saying you're not justified, btw.

HollowTalk · 01/08/2018 14:51

He's very, very irritating! You might have decades more of this!

Original poster
fishfacedcow · 01/08/2018 14:53

Yes i like him. I love him.... but for the love of God.... im a 50 year old woman living in 2018..... not a 16 year old living in the victorian times

OP posts:
Original poster
fishfacedcow · 01/08/2018 14:54

Do you think he loves me?
Or likes me even?

OP posts:
bluetrampolines · 01/08/2018 14:54

My stbxh did shit like this. I am so happy hes gone.

Shoxfordian · 01/08/2018 14:56

He sounds like a control freak
I don't think he likes you, he's always trying to fix you

Aprilshowersinjuly · 01/08/2018 14:56

I would fake a sprained ankle. A few days of having to be at your beck and call my make him appreciate the independent you.
Atm he obviously has convinced himself you can't possibly manage things on your own.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 01/08/2018 14:57

Have you sat down when he's not just done something that annoys you and explained that redoing things you've just done implies you can't do them well and hurts your feelings? Would he agree to work on it (not help in the kitchen a night a week then build up to other nights / rooms)? You sound really fed up of it!

IceCreamFace · 01/08/2018 15:00

Is he obsessive in general or is he just critical of you? Some people just can't help ring obsessive over having things away and it isn't personal.

FASH84 · 01/08/2018 15:01

Does he have ocd? The car thing and the cleaning while you're still using things sounds a lot like my uncle (he also winds sellotape sticky side out and pats all the rugs every day to remove fluff)

ludog · 01/08/2018 15:03

Are you me? I'm 26 years married too and had to double check I hadn't posted this and forgotten!

MeanTangerine · 01/08/2018 15:03

When did he start being like this?

echt · 01/08/2018 15:04

if i park with the nose into our drive...ie drive straight in.... he will move the car...reverse it and park with the nose facing out....... (isnt able to give me an explaination for this one...even though doing it his way leaves the steering wheel in direct sunlight and too hot to handle)

Its safer to drive out than reverse, but his not explaining that is odd, though not as odd as you not knowing this basic safety . Lots of other stuff is annoying.

Cornishclio · 01/08/2018 15:04

I would find that incredibly irritating. Have you asked him why he does it? It is a way of controlling. If this irritates you though when he and presumably you work then imagine what it would be like if you were retired and with each other more.

My husbands untidiness irritates me but helping in the fashion yours does would irritate me more. I would have a conversation with him telling him you cannot put up with it. Tell him he can clear up after tea is cooked. If you have got something out to clean then he has to leave it alone as you know what you are doing. You are not 10 FGS. If he won't stop and you cannot put up with it then the only way forward is splitting up. How old is your child?

Raffles1981 · 01/08/2018 15:07

My ex husband did this sort of crap too. If I parked the car, he would go out and do it again. Standing over me while I cooked. I only put up with it for two years. You deserve a fucking medal. FlowersWine

sirmione16 · 01/08/2018 15:12

You need to ask him if it's a compulsive need to do this things or if it's his own conscious control thoughts. The outcome to that question makes all the difference imo. He may not be able to help it, and in such case there's therapies and ways of coping with compulsive disorders. However if it's just his attitude then some firm words need to be had and changes/compromises at least implemented.

Trinity66 · 01/08/2018 15:15

He sounds like a control freak
I don't think he likes you, he's always trying to fix you

I don't think he's trying to fix her, I think he's trying to constantly show her how bad she is at everything and how much better at stuff he was. I'd bet money that if he "fixed" all the stuff the OP listed, more things would replace them..........

Singlenotsingle · 01/08/2018 15:16

Has he got OCD?

Trinity66 · 01/08/2018 15:16

Its safer to drive out than reverse, but his not explaining that is odd, though not as odd as you not knowing this basic safety . Lots of other stuff is annoying.

Yes but he has to reverse out anyway in order to re park it.......

HolyMountain · 01/08/2018 15:16

Surely you've blown up at him and told him to stop, that it drives you up the wall?

was the 'designated spoon rest' put there by him with instructions?

Rebecca36 · 01/08/2018 15:19

You certainly use some choice language for a 50 year old when talking about someone you love.

Just tell him what annoys you and, when you are doing something, ask him to stay out of it. Explain how it makes you feel. He can always go off and do something else.

Mishappening · 01/08/2018 15:20

I once laid out everything to make a cake - flour, sugar, marg, eggs, cake tin - and then went to have a pee. All gone when I came back! Grrrr!

I love the "designated spoon rest" - so like home!!! Grin

There is a blind in our bedroom which apparently only he is able to raise and lower for fear I might break it - I just tell him to piss off!

HolyMountain · 01/08/2018 15:20

Incidentally, where had he put the car key?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 01/08/2018 15:22

I'd inconvenience him. So, he's put stuff away you were going to wash - tell him to fetch it out again. He moves your keys - ring him and tell him to come home and find them for you (ok, probably not possibly). He moves your car (when you have a legitimate reason for wanting it left how you had it) - tell him to move it back again.

I'd actually be tempted to LTB, as OTT as that seems. He has no respect for you.

Nanny0gg · 01/08/2018 15:23

He'd be under the patio by now if he were my DH

(and I'm not joking)