to be upset when DH helps?

[fishfacedcow]

Please dont say... you should be gad he does cos mine does nothing.. ..

26 years we have been married..... 26 years of him -taking over, taking charge or helping out. Ive had enough

Like yesterday.... i was making tea. I stirred the food with a spatula. Put the spatula on the 'designated spoon rest' And turned to call the child. Turned back and went to pick up the spatula....and he was fucking washing it. I hadnt finished with it!

I laid out stuff to clean...went inside to get a bucket of warm soapy water..... fucker had put it AWAY before i filled the bucket!

Its not charming or gallant.....its insulting and humiliating

He wont sit still and quiet when im driving...... so much that about 20 years ago i said ...'fine im never driving with you in the car again.' He tsught me to drive btw! Excdpt if we go to a party he wants to drink and me to drive. I said 'no way. If im not good enough to drive you when you are sober...im certainly not good enough when you are drunk' and absolutely havent driven with him in the car since.

Oh and once i loaded up the car for a holiday.. . He came home...emptied the boot onto the pavement to refill the car.

I listen to audiobooks and he complains that the teeny tiny light on them keeps him awake.......meanwhile he had two....yes two.... digital alarm clocks at the side of the bed so bright. You can land planes by them. And he has so many electronic things plugged in charing overnight it looks like i have a christmas tree in the corner of the bedroom....

He is obsessive about moving stuff.. ..its like living with a magpie! I leave my carkey on the keyrack by the kettle. The epicentre of the house.....away from all doors and windows so 'someone could use a fishing line to hook them' would be foiled. I go yo get the key..... its gone! I hafta call him at work to ask where hes put the key!

He never ever ever admits he is wrong EVER.

And lastly before i explode another car one.. .. if i park with the nose into our drive...ie drive straight in.... he will move the car...reverse it and park with the nose facing out....... (isnt able to give me an explaination for this one...even though doing it his way leaves the steering wheel in direct sunlight and too hot to handle)

So...everyone...... aibu to still mind about these things..... or should i have gotten used to them by now? Is he being unreasonable..... not listening to me ever?

echt
Its safer to drive out than reverse, but his not explaining that is odd, though not as odd as you not knowing this basic safety

Actually it’s safer to reverse into the road first thing in the morning when fully refreshed rather than the husband reversing into the road to turn the car around after a long day at work.

The reason many offices have reverse parking policies is that reversing before your shift you are likely to be fresher and more observant, you also start the day with a health & safety mindset if you are aware of the reason for the policy- it has been shown to contribute to a general reduction in H&S incidents at work.

So actually the OP going nose in when coming home from work when she’s tired is sensible and then reversing out when she’s fresh and rested is sensible!

Oh also OP your DH sounds irritating!!!

Every time I put anything down ExH moved it then denied he'd ever seen it. I once spent three hours searching for v. important paperwork we both needed for something; he was home, watched me sitting on the floor going through box files but didn't help. I found the docs, laid them on floor next to boxes whilst I went for a wee, and in the three minutes I was gone he SHREDDED THEM.

I couldn't live with him. You've done amazingly to last this long.

Has he got worst as he's got older? this sounds like an extreme form of OCD which may be linked to something medical. Its sounds like he's not aware of further surroundings when he 'helps'.

Oh lord I would have murdered him by now.

What a PITA!! freakin hell that's not helping that's being an arse by proxy, just a bossy numpty!

I know you do love & care about each other but you need to express exactly how you feel to him, he could be completely oblivious or not give one, but you wont know which if you say nothing.

Just don't do it angry but in a calm measured way...something like ...Why the [insert word here] are you so irriating, stop moving stuff about and putting stuff away or I will find some real jobs for you to do!!

It doesn't matter whether he has OCD or not, or whether he's just an annoying twat.

In his case he could be both.

I find that really annoying. I don't think is helping you. I think he's undermining you

Would it help to identify certain tasks that you do / he does and agree that you respect each other's autonomy to perform those tasks as you see fit E.g. if laundry is your job, you do it how you like. If filling the dishwasher is his job, he does it how he likes

I can't help laughing, this is my husband all over. I go through phases of being really annoyed with him and other times when I just nod and agree then do what I want. He reminds me of the Harry Enfield character "you don't do it like that, you do it like this" . I think you need a and

He doesn’t respect you as an adult.

He thinks he knows better than you

I was going to jump straight in head first and give you both barrels, until I read your post in full. Something I always aim to do before I comment.

I used to work with someone like this, I know many here will disapprove of the term "fannying about" but that's the most accurate way I can put it. Defined as "Engaging in pointless activities always resulting in the commendable achievement of precisely fuck all" and it used to do my head in.

You have my sympathy and I see why you are irritated by it.

DH has tendencies in this direction. He means well but he has a real need to have things how he wants them. If it doesn’t bother me I ignore it, if it bothers me he gets “I am a competent adult capable of deciding shit” lecture. The difference is that he recognises that he isn’t always reasonable with this and tries not to be a twat. I am also fairly eloquent when it displeases and I give no quarter on things that are important to me.

I don’t get the impression OP that your DH doesn’t recognise what he does as a problem.

I'm almost convinced that you are married to my Exh - he's not a Yorkshire born accountant by any chance?

I always though that he had some form of ocd or similar.

He was always washing up stuff that I was still using, needed to tidy up any kind of "mess" (even the newspaper would end up in the recycling if I left it on the coffee table to read later), he only wanted me to drive so he could drink, he had to pack everything his way, we had to completely unpack from holidays within an hour of getting home, and we had to designate a compulsory cleaning night at home once a week that was carved in stone and he would become anxious and upset if it was not possible for some (usually work related) reason.

It was very hard to live with and I am glad he is an ex!

I am half joking in my op.... though i am at the end of my tether.

Yes i have a go at him often and do stand up for myself. Hence not driving etc.

Yes i had a go at him yesterday over the washing incident. I was at tge kitchen window watching as he started to interfere and i shrieked his name..... he csme running and then told me i was overreacting.

After 17 years..... i told him it was statistically impossible for someone to be right 17years straight.... and that he should go and put on the lotto if he was so sure that he was right about everything

So if you know that he does this-do you ever pre empt him by telling him to leave stuff the fuck alone that you have just put out ready to x,y,z?

I sometimes wash up stuff tha husband is using.

It's not malicious on my part-I happen to be washing up & have washed something that he is using. So I dry it & hand it back.

I'm thinking though that this isn't what your husband does?

I would ask him, "Do you do this just to annoy me?" "No" "Well, it does annoy me so please stop doing it."

It would drive me mad.

"Helps" It is only going to get worse

This is exactly one of my reasons why my ex is my ex.

Yep.... one time i took him to a tree in the garden. He'd murmured something about cutting it back.

I said 'see this branch here. (And touched it) dont prune this branch back because i like the shade it provides over there.

Go to make a cuppa. Return with brew to find...... he'd started with tge banch ud just told him to leave.

I knew he would prune it because.....in his opinin it was too low.

But hadnt i just told him?

We nearly divorced over that one...... because i had introduced him to the branch. Specifically said..... leave this branch...

And he either wasnt listening in the first place; ignored me; or disregarded what i said.

The only reason we didnt.... i felt ashamed saying our marraige broke up over a branch.

He is right / you are wrong on the parking.

It is safer to reverse into parking spaces than out of them as pedestrians are less likely to be walking across an empty space than they are across the road/pavement. So best to be driving forwards when you have a greater chance of meeting pedestrians.

Not that I’m saying he’s not a twat, just wanted to eaxpalin why reverse parking is safer than reverse ‘setting off’.

Ok. On the parking front ...i will admit if im wrong..... but just a couple of points.... we live in a quiet culdesac. Three cars per day move. Visability is clear there are no hedges.

How can it be safer if the steeting wheel is too hot to keep hold of? I left candles in the door pocket and they melted.

So imho when he turns the car around he should put a towel or something over the driving wheel. Since he knows this is why i park nose in

But just for giggles..... i will reverse in and put a towel over the steering wheel and let you know what happens.

God, he sounds exactly like one of my exes. If I put a glass down for a minute, I'd turn round and he'd have put it in the dishwasher. If I left the room to get something from another room, he'd turn the light off. When eating a meal, as soon as you'd finished your last mouthful, he'd be clearing the table. It used to drive me insane.

Hence he's an ex!

This sounds like my Dad. My mum has put up with it for 40 years. He is incredibly neat and tidy and unable to ‘relax’. I do think he has a mild form of OCD. And I can see it in myself. I cannot bear to have the kitchen counter untidy, or dishes unwashed, or jobs left undone (so I do unpack as soon as I get back from holiday, I have to wash breakfast dishes before I take the kids out for the school run or else I feel a bit sick. Even though between the school run and going to work there is a further 20 mins in which I can finish the same jobs. I know this logically but it still makes me itch. With two kids and a FT job I have had to unclench slightly.
But the branch thing is not OCD. It’s disrespectful.

With my Dad if you were reading a book and went to the loo he would put it away. So we learned to tell him and then he would just put the book to one side and make sure it had a bookmark (as opposed to putting it back on the shelf).