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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU concerning family mocking accents

99 replies

User667025 · 01/08/2018 13:14

I'm rather upset and would like to know if AIBU or perhaps just hormonal. I'm on holiday with my British husband and British born/raised adult children. We're in another country but there are many Americans on holiday here too. I'm American myself. As I have lived in the UK a long time, my accent is softened, but still there. My family have what would be called a "posh" English accent.

My husband and one daughter are continually putting on fake, exaggerated American accents and mocking what they hear Americans saying. I have quietly asked my husband to stop this, saying its rude and people around us would be upset. He replied that he doesn't give a shit. All jokey.

Without going too much in depth, I'll simply say, I'm American. This bothers me. Causes me to feel upset not only by my perceiving their rudeness but also mocked myself (even though I don't have this particular southern states American accent).

AUBU to feel upset/hurt? Should I be more forceful in asking them to stop? I feel I'd be told AIBU and ruining their holiday.

OP posts:

EsmereldaPepperpot · 02/08/2018 07:59

Of course it's an -ism or an -ist. Everything is these days.

I think you're being thin-skinned but that's the American way.

American's are fair game for many, many reasons. Gun laws (as a PP) mentioned are only one of them.

Since when is it ok to mock people from a country whose laws you disagree with? So this lady who is on holiday in the US is personally responsible for the US gun laws and has to put up with own husband mocking her and being disrespectful? If she was from Saudi would it be ok? After all they have some shocking laws.

It's a crock of shit to say Americans are thinner skinned. Read the endless threads on here of Brits upset over the smallest most ridiculous slight...please!

soundButtons · 02/08/2018 08:05

@EsmereldaPepperpot

Since when is it ok to mock people from a country whose laws you disagree with?

For a very long time. Freedom to offend is a good thing. Be an adult.

If she was from Saudi would it be ok?

Absolutely. Why wouldn't it be?

Read the endless threads on here of Brits upset over the smallest most ridiculous slight

But the mistake you've made is believing that people who come on MN are representative of "Brits". It isn't.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 02/08/2018 08:08

I can not believe posters are saying Americans are fair game.

You could insert any nationality or race etc in that sentence with a negative stereotype-does that make it ok to blanket mock a whole group because of a perception ?

I think they are behaving incredibly badly-especially as you have said it's hurting your feelings.
I think it also makes you feel as though you don't quite belong as you are part of the group they are mocking-shameful behaviour!!

meiisme · 02/08/2018 08:20

Wow, some of the people on this thread. But it highlights the strange, arrogant attitude some in the UK seem to have to other people's accents. One of my DC has an American-sounding accent. It's not clear whether he's got it from me or it's a symptom of his suspected ASD. But the times grown-up friends and acquaintances have seen it fit to mock his way of speaking... from when he was he was a preschooler! Quite unbelievable that people find that 'fair game' while they would be horrified if someone would mock their child for something similarly personal. And no, I'm not a thin-skinned American. I'm just a northern European who watched American TV when growing up.

bellinisurge · 02/08/2018 08:24

Taking the piss out of other countries' accents is idiotic. They know that people take piss out of us, right? Whenever I hear it from foreigners it sounds pathetic. Right back at you. As the Americans would say.

SlartiAardvark · 02/08/2018 08:26

Yanks are fair game - some of their regional accents are fecking ridiculous!!

Take the stick out of yo ass, y'all.....

SlartiAardvark · 02/08/2018 08:28

But it highlights the strange, arrogant attitude some in the UK seem to have to other people's accents.

Oh that's right, because no American ever does the stereotypical "Posh Brit" accent eh?

Some of you lot need to lighten up - "racist", "Xenophobic" - you do make me laugh!!

SlartiAardvark · 02/08/2018 08:31

EsmereldaPepperpot Just tell some of those good ole southern boys your twat of a husband is making fun of them....see how funny it is then.

Love it!!

Not only have you taken the piss out of the accent in your comment, you've labelled all southern males as violent, easily provoked thugs........

You're either being very clever or incredibly stupid....

MissusGeneHunt · 02/08/2018 08:33

Yup, crass behaviour. I get it too sometimes, and it's now boring, am notching up the various misdemeanours....

For me it's about simple rude behaviours. My accent wavers from one heritage to another, neither of which have any oppression attached, but still attract a piss take value. Having said that, one heritage actively encourages it in terms of tourist tat with the 'lingo' and slang all over it. You can't win!!

Am happy in both my inherited skins, and proud. Perhaps take the view that 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery'?

If it hurts you though, put a stop to it with some eloquent words. Do feel for you, as said, crass behaviour.

bellinisurge · 02/08/2018 09:20

The op has a US accent. Of course it's bloody rude.

EsmereldaPepperpot · 02/08/2018 09:36

@SlartiAardvark It was indeed sarcasm.

SlartiAardvark · 02/08/2018 09:38

It was indeed sarcasm.

See, I don't think it was.....

EsmereldaPepperpot · 02/08/2018 09:38

No motive is ever pure....

Original poster

User667025 · 02/08/2018 16:52

Thank you to those who have made supportive comments. If (when as I’m sure it’s a when) this happens again, I will certainly show them this thread.

It’s just such a shame some people believe it’s ok to mock accents and bizarrely particularly think ALL Americans themselves mock British accents. I certainly never have. In fact, in order to fit in more living in the uk, I use British terminology/vocabulary. I also use British tone in business writing as well as spelling. Being this is my permanent home (for almost 30 years now), I also have British citizenship. I have not been able to adopt a new accent. It’s part of me. While softened, the accent is still there.

I can’t affect their accent, just not able to do it. Besides, my one daughter does not take part in this mocking diatribe nor do most other Brits I know, so wouldn’t do the same. It’s not who I am.

I’m hopeful that as the majority of MN people appear to realise that this behaviour just isn’t on, that showing this thread will help highlight their behaviour (and that, thankfully, it’s only the minority of people who also act cruelly). To those people, I thank you for your support.

OP posts:

highModal · 03/08/2018 03:41

@User667025

Why did you post on AIBU only to scorn those who disagree with you and use those who do agree as a stick to beat your husband and daughter with?

mimibunz · 03/08/2018 03:56

from an American who has been mocked by her British family. Join in the fun!

Original poster

User667025 · 03/08/2018 06:24

Highmodal - upon reading replies, if one considers the numbers, it’s quite clear there is a majority expressing a particular idealogy. There are are the minority who are either also cruel being themselves mocking, unhelpful, trollish etc. Why would I be thankful for those replies and wish to highlight those? Is it at all useful to use a reply that All Americans can be mocked because of US gun laws or because some put on fake British accents etc? So, no, I don’t think those types of replies are useful (clearly were not made to be useful) and would appear other MN validate that thought too.

As for using as “a stick to beat” my husband and daughter, really? Please do read back. Is it possible you’re one who just now recognised your own behaviour and feel uncomfortable after reading multiple people highlight the rudeness of it, have you felt beaten with a stick? I’m sorry if you have. The thread, with the majority replying that it is rude, it is hurtful - have helped me know it’s not ok and really it’s not just me being hormonal and feeling hurt and down. So, it was right for me to post in AIBU and that’s why I thanked those MN.

Sorry it should offend you that I didn’t appreciate the vitriol comments.

OP posts:

WhoWants2Know · 03/08/2018 06:39

OP, I'm also an expat in the UK and I can see why it would drive you mad. My accent is usually not noticeable, but there are people who will talk at me with an exaggerated American accent if they find out where I was born. Or worse, start "translating" words. "Let's go in the lift! Or elevator, as you'd say..."

WTF is that about?

CesiraAndEnrico · 03/08/2018 06:45

I'm British, married to an Italian, with our own born and bred half Italian.

Thanks to the dubbing of Laurel and Hardy over here and a few high profile comedians there is a particular "taking the piss out of the British accent" ongoing joke I sometimes run into at home and outside.

I don't mind when husband/son do it. It is good natured. Don't mind when even relative strangers do it if good natured.

Only mind when there appears to be an underlying edge of meanness.

If you are picking up on an underlying edge I can totally immagine why it is disconcerting, embarrassing and hurtful for you. And for the life of me I don't understand why they aren't stopping when asked to. You don't poke fingers in a loved ones sore spots for fun. Just not sure what you can do about it, because quite honestly being asked to stop should be enough for close family members who are supposed to care about your feelings.

Homesnothospitals · 03/08/2018 06:45

I mock my northern Irish husband’s accent. He mocks northern Irish accents and English accents. We have. We have a bit of a thing of trying different accents in our family and would probably imitate strong American (well yes we would). Wouldn’t do it TO the person but would do it (when not overheard) amongst ourselves.

Dh is brilliant at accents - much better than the rest of us. Although can’t do welsh.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 03/08/2018 06:52

Is it actually offensive or is it just really irritating? When I was in the states, so many Americans I met put on an 'English accent', often saying things like 'would you like some tea', or 'have you met the queen?'. It was funny at first then just annoying. Wouldn't have described it as offensive though.

I could imagine getting annoyed if I lived with it constantly.

highModal · 03/08/2018 07:06

@User667025

I think I got the gist of what you were trying to write.

The "stick" comment refers to you thinking showing them a thread where some people agree with you is the adult or sensible thing to do.

powershowerforanhour · 03/08/2018 08:47

If they haven't the manners or sense to stop and you have to stoop to their level, don't use a genteel posh accent. Do a loud obnoxious Sloaney one and answer all their questions with "rah" and an aspirated pig snort.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/08/2018 09:35

DayMan - that's not really the point, the OP is finding it upsetting and her DH and DD are continuing to do it, knowing that they are upsetting her. Is that kind? Is that what caring family should do? I don't believe so.

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