Late friend's neighbour being unreasonable? (trigger dead body details)

[couchparsnip]

My close friend of 30 years died suddenly last week.

Her neighbour knew her well, apparently my friend had been visiting for the last couple of years as she has been suffering from anxiety and depression, they had got quite close it seems, although I had never heard of her and neither had my friend's family. (Mum, sister and boyfriend).

I saw my friend's mum yesterday and she told me the neighbour had been "insistent" on seeing the body and was going over today to talk about it and to pay her respects to the family. The mum and boyfriend have decided against embalming as my friend would not have wanted it. There had to be a post mortem so I assume there will be evidence of that as well. They have said this to the neighbour but she still wants to see. I dont know all.of the details of post mortems but I am thinking it won't be a pretty sight.

My friend's boyfriend thought the neighbour might not be thinking straight and added that when he went to see theher it was "too intense" and he didnt want to see her alone again. I haven't met her but we texted the other day and she mentioned that my friend was upset with me for missing a night out. I was quite upset by that so am maybe not being totally fair on her.

The Mum and boyfriend asked my opinion and I said they should think about refusing the request to see the body. They didnt seem keen anyway, the neighbour seems to be making it about herself and it maybe wouldn't be good for her anyway if she suffers from anxiety.

Was I unreasonable to give my opinion and is this woman out of order to be insistent with someone's grieving parent and partner. I am worried she will railroad them into something they aren't comfortable with as they are both lovely gentle people. But maybe I am.being unfair, my.emotions are all over the place anyway.

OP, this all sounds very disrespectful to your friend. I wouldn't mind if my mum wanted to see me in that state, but friends? No way.

Your friend, although deceased, is vulnerable. The neighbour sounds dramatic and silly, trying to have dibs on best friend status which is very childish. Sending you that text was unforgivable.

It's a shame her family feel railroaded into giving in to this woman's demands when they should be focused on their own grief.

She sounds really nasty tbh.

No parent should be arranging their child’s funeral. Surely your friend’s mum is going through enough without being badgered by this deluded cow?

She sounds like a grief tourist. Ghoulish breed of drama loving attention seekers.

Daily phone calls?? FFS this woman is being horribly intrusive. The poor family, being rail roaded like this at such a time. I don't know what I'd do - perhaps contact her & tell her to back the fuck off? They can't be expected to support this (to all intents and purposes seeing as they had never really heard of her) stranger's grief when they have their own to deal with.

I would be going round there and telling her to kindly back the fuck off on behalf of the family and telling her if she continues to harass them with daily phone calls she will be getting a visit from the police.

She is a horrible, disgusting person, and a liar. She was not close with your friend, she is feeding on grief and loving the attention from it. Horrible horrible person. And even lying and telling you your friend was upset about missing a night out? She is such an ugly person, feel sorry for anyone that actually knows her.

I agree with PPs above. I was more nuanced in my 1st post because she sounded like a vulnerable person but she's gone beyond those bounds and her behaviour is actually aggressive. When people die unexpectedly it can bring out strange behaviours, I experienced that with my mum.s death. The family needs to protect itself now.

Funeral tomorrow. I just saw a facebook post. Apparently the neighbour went to see the body but still it hasn't helped and it's still not real to her. WTF.
Then why the fucking hell did she put the family through that. So selfish. The sister drove her there, which she says was ok but was not what she needed at this time.

I want to tell her to back off but the BF has advised me not to so I'll respect his wishes.

Narcissitic Personality Disorder: its all about her & she is has no empathy for the family. I'd also, cynically, be wondering if she's going to ask for something she's had her eye on as memento (spelling?), hence all the stressing how close they were/important her needs are. People's greed after a death can be very venal/shocking acc to Care Assistant friend.

I'm so sorry for your sad loss, OP.

I must admit to questioning just how close this neighbour was to your friend, seeing as no-one else around her seems to have heard of this woman. This would make me very uneasy. Also, this woman has no place to say that your friend was annoyed at you. It probably isn't even true. She seems to be seeking attention, which I find odd. I've also suffered with the conditions mentioned, and people's attention was the last thing I wanted. Everyone is different, though, I know.

If I were in your position, I'd be advising your friend's family to go with their gut feelings about this woman and to decline her request to see the body. They are completely within their rights. I'm not even sure I would want her at the funeral.

I hope, over time, you will remember all the happy times with your friend, in part overcoming your grief.

Hope it all went ok today OP and that you are not feeling too raw. .

Hopefully this will mark the end of it and this unhinged woman will go and seek drama elsewhere and leave you all in peace.

Phoning the family like that at this time is terrible harassment. I very much doubt this woman was a friend at all.