Am I overly precious?

[Nubbin]

Dd - bridesmaid next weekend with Dn for a mutual relative - bride picked dresses - we paid. Not my taste but fine. I told sil we had got some ballet pumps for dd to go with it asked if she wanted some for dn - said no would do own thing. Now sil has convinced mil that both will wear same shoes with a 1.5 inch heel and ankle strap. Dd hasn't worn heels before - I think it is unnecessary and she is only 7 so not awesome for dancing and playing post wedding - basically will be useless. Dn little older and used to heels.

I just said wear different shoes - they will still have the same dress and look fine - apparently I am massively overly precious. Really not sure if Iabu or not!

Thanks all - much appreciated. Re not heels but character shoes - how many boys shoes have a flat sole but clearly stepped up heel at that age - as above may have underestimated the height but my unease mainly comes from a space that women wear heels to look taller/ thinner/ more attractive all of which is unnecessary for a 7 year old who isn't sold on them.

I don't understand why pp are suggesting you let your DD wear heels to the ceremony and then change, you are the one who will have to pay for shoes that you don't want her to wear and which she presumably will never wear again, it's ridiculous. And the bride hasn't even requested it!

Shoes aside, it’s beyond me how any couple getting married would not pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses.
This. Especially if they insist on a particular dress.

As for the SiL dictating the shoes! Words fail me. YANBU. Ignore her.

Cut out sil and mil - chat with the bride.

uk.monsoon.co.uk/view/product/uk_catalog/mon_3,mon_3.3,mon_3.3.6/5110881981

DD had a pair similar to these for my brothers wedding. She was 8 then and I didn’t have a problem with her wearing them. They looked lovely on her. I never wear heels so it wasn’t a big thing, they’re just a pair of wedding shoes.

Of course a 7 year old child shouldn't be forced to wear heels. Why don't they just bind her feet while they're at it.

This is also what I think - 7 is far to young for a heel, let alone a 1 1/2 inch heel. Her little feet won't be much bigger than that, for heaven's sake!

I hate the message that so many are sending to girls ... that heels are a 'must', even though they cause so much long term damage to feet and joints ...

I would point blank refuse. Completely inappropriate request that a 7 year old put on heels.

If the bride hasn't requested it, just ignore SIL. Personally, I wouldn't bother the bride either as I'm sure she won't want to get involved and has more significant things to be thinking about.

sprinklesandsauce
Those shoes from Monsoon are lovely for a little girl as bridesmaid.

I wouldn’t be happy with a daughter wearing those monsoon shoes. It’s just not necessary. If the bride wanted it, was buying, and was close to me I’d say fine though. For your sil though? No.

The monsoon shoes look fine. I wouldn't have any issue with that small heel tbh.

My dd wore similar to these. She was very comfy. I think a wedge gives more support though. She looked very lovely in them.

It would be ridiculous to pay £30 for shoes your daughter will only wear for a very short time, particularly given that heels look dreadful on 7 year olds and will be potentially very uncomfortable for her.

Heels do your feet in.

As grown women, it's our choice to knacker our feet. However... it would be irresponsible to force that decision onto a child. By all means let a child have a pretty, swishy dress - but heels are one step too far!

OP - I'm with you on this.

Anyone suggesting a primary school aged child should be wearing heels is BVU.

Sibu to insist and much more unreasonable expecting you to pay!

it’s beyond me how any couple getting married would not pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses

I'm not paying for mine, but I'm not insisting on a specific dress. They can wear what they want.

I have been a bridesmaid 3times and each time we had matching dresses and our own shoes. I have worn posh flip flops with a back strap, standard pumps but never heels! It's a long day, you need to be comfy. YADNBU especially as she didn't pay for the dress and isn't buying the shoes!!

Sorry just read it isn't even the bride insisting on the heels! You are even less unreasonable than I thought originally!!

Potatoes I think that’s fine. A friend was a bridesmaid and wore a dress she already had and of the type she’d have worn as a normal wedding guest. It’s where there the bride wants the bridesmaids in a dress that is bought from a wedding dress shop or range, whether matching or not, it should be paid for.

scolotti

My daughter loved the 'party shoes' she had aged 7 - they were red and sparkly and had a little heel (probably aout an inch high) but the heel was a good solid one so she was very stable. However they didn't cost £30 which is a ridiculous amount to pay for one day! (in my opinion of course )

Why are we encouraging young girls to think that they should have to wear heels to feel good? Let's not forget why heels are seen as attractive- they symbolise sexiness, elongate legs etc. As OP has said, we don't say anything like that to boys.

Pretty perverted and backwards to be honest.