Am I overly precious?

[Nubbin]

Dd - bridesmaid next weekend with Dn for a mutual relative - bride picked dresses - we paid. Not my taste but fine. I told sil we had got some ballet pumps for dd to go with it asked if she wanted some for dn - said no would do own thing. Now sil has convinced mil that both will wear same shoes with a 1.5 inch heel and ankle strap. Dd hasn't worn heels before - I think it is unnecessary and she is only 7 so not awesome for dancing and playing post wedding - basically will be useless. Dn little older and used to heels.

I just said wear different shoes - they will still have the same dress and look fine - apparently I am massively overly precious. Really not sure if Iabu or not!

I’d say no to heels but in any case, why are you paying for dress?

It's family I'll live with paying for the dress - it was this bit I am not sure about - I am going to end up having the same fight about make up... I don't want to be the killjoy but ballet flats - no make up for me are appropriate for dd.

There is no way on this earth I’d pay money to put a child of 7 in heels. I’d probably say no if the bride paid for them as well.

I might go as far as allowing some natural coloured lip gloss, as a one off for a special day, but that would be my absolute limit.

What does your daughter want to do? Surely she's at an age no where she can have some say in the matter? She's the one who's got to wear them! Is she comfortable in the heels or not?

sorry what it got to do with sil what shoes she wears

OP stick to your guns. It's completely unnecessary and ballet flats are fine.

If she’s struggling to walk in a heel I definitely wouldn’t put her through it. I’m sure the bride would rather not have your poor DD tripping/shuffling her way down the aisle. If I was the bride I’d worry people thought I’d forced her into them!

Lots of little bridesmaids get the jitters before they have their ‘big moment’ of walking down the aisle, if she gets nervous then trying to wear those shoes and not fall will make it worse. (I’m very accident prone so even as an adult this is a genuine fear!)

Also, you’ve already bought the flats, now you’d be expected to pay for the heels that she’ll be changing out of at the earliest opportunity anyway. Stick with what you’ve bought.

Sil needs to stop trying to micromanage. If the bride is happy to let the mum’s pick shoes, go with what DD is comfortable in.

Does the bride know? I would be a bit embarrassed if a seven year old in my bridal party turned up in heels lest someone thought I had picked them.

I've been a bridesmaid 11x (yes eleven) I've never matched shoes with the other bridesmaids and didn't expect my bridesmaids to match shoes either. It's not a thing. Stick to your guns

They want a 7 year old to wear make up! Tottaly unnecessary. 7 year old don't need it.

Requiring bridesmaids to wear matching heels is unreasonable and heels on a 7 year old? Ick.

‘I have already bought shoes for dd that the bride has approved of. I won’t be wasting money by buying more shoes that my daughter can’t even walk in! Bride is more than happy for dd to wear ballet pumps and bride gets final say!’

That would be my response, then I would say the matter was closed!

Thank you - all helpful especially the bm experience - dd has an opinion but she is a natural people pleaser if dm says they look pretty she will go with the heels - if I say flats are better she will go with that. I know her better and instinctively she is going to feel self conscious if the heels - but she will also feel babyish next to her cousin if I say no.

Yes and micromanage is how I feel - down to hair dd and dn hair which I am told she will do the same - it is super different - it isn't going to work to have exactly the same. Dn - hairband on bob length fine - dd waist length and much more wispy needs more firm holding back from the face to stop her worrying at it on photos.

My dd is 7 loves a wedge heel. She has a pair of sandals and loves them to bits. I don't have an issue with her wearing them for an occasion. She also loves to wear them out and about from time to time - when its practical and not for out playing. The wedge sandals arent ridiculously high. My dd is very very fashion conscious though!

I had four bridesmaids aged 4-12. The two older ones wore ballet flats and the two younger ones wore Mary James. Or it might have been the other way round! The point being they weren't all matching.

How high are they? Can you link?

Sil needs to pull her head in. If it were the bride I eould probably allow for the ceremony. ‘The bride is fine with whatever and I’ve already bought lovely age appropriakte shoes. Dd will not be wearing makeup. Dds hair will be x, dns style won’t suit her.

Personally, if she wants her to wear them I would suggest she purchase them. Then when the ceremony is over, you can have the ballet flats for her to change into. She can always wear the heels for fun and for dress up after.

If the bride doesn't care why is it even a question? No one else should have a say except you, the child's mother. Your DD already has shoes that are comfortable and appropriate and Bride approved. Heels are not appropriate for 7 year olds. Done, no more discussion.

Tell your SIL & MIL that YOUR DD will NOT be wearing heels. If it’s important to them that they match then DN will need to wear the same flats as DD already has. Then don’t engage anymore.

Heels, make up...so bloody unnecessary for small girls.

1.5 is not a heel. More like a character shoe. I see your point and think flats look nicer but I'd just let her wear them. Then change after the photos.

I wouldn't want my 7 yr old dd to wear heels. I'd want her to feel comfortable, and enjoy the day. YANBU.
As for make up, I wouldn't mind a little bit, but nothing too obvious or grown up. She's a little girl! Plenty of time for all that!